Universal Dork

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  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice – A Boring, Emo Version of The Super Friends…

    Well a couple nights ago I decided to check out Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and went in with a totally open mind. I had to briefly put my thoughts out there on this one and so sorry to say I just wasn’t feeling it. At all. It started out ok but with every minute it just became more of a disjointed, confusing mess. Some movies are messy and fun, but Dawn of Justice was just a flat out bore. Ben Affleck was a sufficient Bruce Wayne and Cavill of course was decent as Supes again but wow, this movie’s story felt like it was written by an eight year old and pace was that of a stoned three legged tortoise. Filled with plot holes galore, bad “gritty” grey filtering, fake ass CG, terrible dialogue, over stylized “emotional” imagery and one absolutely absurd ass villain. 

    Yep this movie does have the worst Lex Luthor ever. Jesse Eisenberg was just absolutely terrible as one of the most iconic comic book villains of all time. This whiny, “I’m so totally crazy”, bratty, twenty something, Jolly Rancher eating Luthor was about as menacing as The Purple Pie Man from Strawberry Shortcake. His whole ridiculous, overplayed act took a huge dump on the legendary villain. Snyder’s clearly trying to make Luthor more relatable and cool to Millenials when he should have based the villain on an asshole like Donald Trump. I don’t care how much money this movie makes, it just totally sucks. It’s one giant, bloated set up for a slew of DC movies that are desperately trying to mimic Marvel’s recipe for success.

    Unlike most of the Marvel this movies this has zero heart and it’s just no fun at all. It felt like a script lifted from an old Super Friends cartoon from the 1970’s but with Zack Snyder adding a mega douchey, “super gritty”, emo, “hip” spin on it. It also felt like it suffered from a serious case of bad editing? I guess Wonder Woman was pretty cool(she actually was the best thing about this mess), although kinda just crammed into the movie for the hell of it and Doomsday…ughh….why? Way to ruin that character too. Don’t get me started.

    Ok so the movie was one time viewing for me, not in a good way, like you don’t need to see it again because of a crazy plot twist but in a way that I’d never waste two plus hours of my life again with something so damn uninspiring ever again. I’m also pretty sure I don’t really need to see another Zack Snyder movie for as long as I live….I’m officially over it.  

  • Finally Bernie Sanders & Donald Trump Debate!!

    I’ve been watching pretty much all the presidential debates that I can stomach this election year but none of them are even close to being as enjoyable as James Adomian’s & Anthony Atamanuik’s incredible comedy tour of Bernie Sanders vs Donald Trump Presidential Debate which is on the road right now!

    These guys nail these candidates better than Larry David or anything SNL has tried to put out there by a mile. So while I previously have watched little snippets Youtube but now Comedy Central feature a full debate by these two awesome comedians in full character! Check this out it’s pretty incredible!!

    And recently it’s been reported that Jesse “The Body” Ventura “might be” entering the Presidential ring as a Libertarian candidate! Well good thing James Adomian has already nailed his impersonation to a T as well for the election year!

     

     

  • Comic Book Cover of the Week: The HULK Goes Berserk?!

    I can’t begin to tell you just how much I love this particular comic book cover and how much as a child I loved this particular issue of ‘What If?’!! It really make sense as we get one of the greatest comic book artists ever responsible for this masterpiece, Bill Sienkiewicz doing an unforgettable rendition of the jade giant on issue #45. ‘What If?’ was an incredibly fun comic book back in the classic Marvel days and this issue from 1984 was one as a kid I carried with me everywhere. This one retells the classic origin story but in this reality Banner fails to save Rick Jones from the gamma blast and while Rick doesn’t die the Army ends up killing him-Sending the Hulk into a crazy rage. The Hulk freaks out and takes down the Fantastic Four and Iron Man killing several them in the process. It’s a great, surprisingly violent issue and in the end The Hulk’s rage costs him his own life. Anyway this cover will always remain one of my faves, Sienkiewicz never fails when doing comic book covers, with the pencil and ink in his hands you always knew you were going to get something truly special!

  • The Scoop Behind the Greatest Spider-Man Fan Film of All Time!

    Fan films are all the rage these days especially with the popularity of Youtube making it possible for anyone to get their content out there. Well back in 1992 a movie was made that’s just over 45 minutes long that many call the greatest fan film of all time: The Green Goblin’s Last Stand. The movie was made by mega fan Dan Poole who recreated the legendary Spider-Man story “The Night Gwen Stacy Died”.

    He financed the film for around 400 bucks and did all the stunt work himself at times swinging above buildings on a rope with no safety net. Now That’s dedication! Also this fan film has a pretty creepy rendition of the Green Goblin, the absurd looking costume only adds the insanity of the character. However I’ve never been a fan of any of the big screen renditions of the Goblin. Anyway I discovered this cool making of video on Youtube that gives the full scoop on this now cult comic book flick. Pretty awesome stuff and considering it was 1992 it makes it all that much more badass! Check it out!

    Here’s the full movie just in case you’ve never seen it! It’s a ton of fun and totally D.I.Y.!!

     

     

     

  • Battle of the Insults: Skeletor vs. Donald Trump vs. Cobra Commander!!

    When it comes to insulting & ridiculing people no one can do it better than Republican frontrunner Donald Trump and Masters of the Universe’s own ultimate asshole Skeletor!

    Both are highly amusing yet incredibly idiotic, pop culture villains who will take any given chance to hurl an insult at their naysayers! So let’s pit these two jackasses against each other in a battle of insults to see just who’s got the most ridiculous cheap shots. Both of these guys have a lot in common in especially in the way they take pride in ridiculing anyone and everyone who gets in their way!

    Check this out as first up we have Skeletor!

    …..and of course Mr. Big Mouth himself The Donald!!

    This is just Part 1 so if you want some more Trump at his finest check out part two!

    Oh and I think Cobra Commander could join these two for the fun as well! If only Trump could pick one of these guys as his running mate now that’d be entertainment!! 

     

     

  • Are You Ready For The Side Effects of ‘The Master Cleanse’?!

    Here’s a cool trailer for a movie that looks and sounds like a truly unique cinematic experience. The Master Cleanse is a movie based on a spiritual retreat that goes completely bonkers as this particular cleaning of the body brings out more than some nasty toxins and some negative karma!

    Yeah when you think of a master cleanse you normally think of some crazy fast where you might only drink juices for a a couple weeks or head out to a wacky woo retreat but this new flick making the rounds at SXSW shows that dedicating yourself to something like that can be a lot more menacing. Most of the movie’s plot is shrouded in secrecy but we’ve got a cool clip to tide us over until it’s released in theaters and online. The flick stars Johnny Galecki whom I associate most with ‘Roseanne’ but most today recognize from The Big Bang Theory. The movie’s getting a bit of a buzz at the moment and is supposed to have some cool ass creature fx and a generally perplexing plot calling in comparisons to early Cronenberg movies but with more of a comedic vibe. Anyway if you haven’t heard of this one check out this clip as a official trailer has not yet been released!

     

     

  • Arachnid Delivers Classic Monster Madness!

    I stumbled upon a cool little gem of a movie  a few days ago called “Arachnid” back from 2001 and was quite happy to see a cool classic style creature feature done the right way! Yeah Arachnid was made during a time when pretty much anything of the monster movie genre was rendered in super shitty digital effects.

    arachnid

    However Arachnid somehow went against the grain at the time and pulled off some damn inspiring practical monster effects by way of animatronics, stop motion and puppetry. It also doesn’t hurt that the movie was directed by Jack Sholder (Nightmare on Elm St. 2, The Hidden, Wishmaster) either. It’s clear he loves the genre and likely pushed for the old school 80’s style monster mash with Arachnid.

    The movie takes us to an exotic island that’s infested with monster spiders and even a big spider snake hybrid. It’s basically a fight for survival as a group of people become trapped on the island after their plane crashes. It’s pretty light on plot but once the movie kicks into gear it really does feel like a campy 80’s creature feature.

    This one is a cool little forgotten flick that over the years I ignored largely because I figured the effects were going to be a weaker version of the questionable CG of  Eight Legged Freaks, which hasn’t aged well. Arachnid though will deliver to anyone who’s a fan of the way monster movies were done back in the 70’s & 80’s! Track this one down, it’s available through Netflix on dvd too! 

  • Five Creature Features To Look Forward To In 2017!

    Being a big fan of monster movies can be tough in this day and age where it’s not that often you see a real good one hit the theaters! Well my hopes are always high that I just might see a good one each and every year and in 2017 so far it seems the pickins are a bit slim at the moment, but heck I need me some monster movies this year! Anyway I did a little poking around and found a five upcoming movies that look somewhat promising if you’re a monster maniac like me!

                                                                                                       BOAR:

    It‘s looking here like we might have a contender in the big pig genre of monster movies. Of course at number one we have “Razorback” from 1984 which is a perfect creature feature in my opinion. Let’s give this new Australian flick a chance though the trailer looks pretty awesome!

     

                                                              BAD BLOOD: THE MOVIE: 

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  • Never Forget The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu!

    Do you remember The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu?! Well I thought it’d be cool mention this old comic book magazine put out by Magazine Management Company, which was a part of Marvel Comics way back in the mid  to late 1970’s primarily because of how amazing their covers were! Back during this time comic book magazines were quite popular and I was a big fan of The Rampaging Hulk magazine as well. Well The Deadly Hands of Kung Fu gathered Marvel’s most fierce martial arts superheroes in some crazy adventures as well as Kung Fu movie reviews and often time interviews with real life martial artists. Man looking at these incredible covers really makes me want to see a Shang Chi flick sometime soon! Check these out and imagine these on news stands during a time when the kung fu craze was in full effect!

     

     

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  • 80’s Indie Comic Book Icon ‘Badger’ is Back!

    I just read the first issue of the latest reboot of 80’s indie superhero Badger recently released by Devil’s Due and the formerly defunct First Comics. Seeing it and it’s retro looking cover on the shelf brought back some great days of hanging out in weirdo dingy comic book shops in the 1980’s with my brother in Wisconsin. Badger took place in Wisconsin and back in the day I used to collect this series, admittedly a bit confused by it’s incredibly offbeat characters and story arcs at times back then. Still the character was always unique, a mentally ill crime fighter with multiple personalities who lived in a castle in Wisconsin with a wizard named Ham. I mean what’s not to love right?

    Well Mike Baron the original creator is back with a current retelling of the character’s origin in a pretty neat-o first issue. Issue one starts off with Norbert Sykes (our protagonist) as he signs up for the military and heads off to Afghanistan where he quickly begins to go crazy. He’s paired up with dog named Otis, who he clearly relates to more than any of the soldiers and heads off into the battlefield. It’s not long before his animal companion becomes a casualty of war and Norbert’s taken captive by enemy forces. While held prisoner he’s visited by a spirit animal, in the form of you guessed it a Badger! He agrees to devote his life fighting for the rights of the animals of earth and then embarks on a crazy killing spree against the enemy. He’s soon detained, shipped back to the good ol’ USA and institutionalized. It’s here where we first start to see again this is by no means your average origin story.

    The issue was a good debut, however I think they could have really spread this one story over two issues to really build his origin in an even more powerful way. It felt a bit rushed at times and I hope they slow the pace down just a bit and really let us get to know just what makes this dude tick. The story was also a darker more serious tone than what I was originally expecting which honestly ended up being quite a pleasant surprise as this character has proven before he can lead a compelling tale if that’s the type of one Baron wants to tell at the moment.

    The art by Jim Fern was pretty solid too, if maybe a bit stiff at times or that could just be in contrast to the incredible cover art by Paul Pope. I’m gonna be back for issue two to see exactly where this one goes. I’m quite curious to see if the elements of the 80’s Badger come into play and how they approach some of the more offbeat characters and settings from the original series. I’m also curious about this Badger/Putin fight rumored to happen soon. Either way it’s comforting to see a familiar face back on the shelves in 2016 with a solid debut I felt a bit like it was 1986 all over again…