Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • Kick-Ass Kicks Some Ass But Still Not Enough….

    The last week I have been on an epic cross country road trip with a good friend of mine so I haven’t been able to hit the bloggin’ at all. But now having arrived safely at home in Portland Oregon this weekend there was really only one last thing I needed to get accomplished. Go see Kick -Ass! Yeah I have been covering the movies developments pretty heavily here since the comic book has been one of my favs for quite some time. So the wait was finally over and I walked into the theaters with my fingers crossed.

    Did the movie deliver? Well sorta if you’d never read the comic book. In fact if you have never read the comic book this may be one of the best “superhero” comic book movies you’ll ever see. (more…)

  • 1978: A Great Year For Marvel Model Kits!

    As you may have noticed there has been a bit of a lull in the posting here as I am actually back in Wisconsin visiting with my family and getting ready to take a road trip back to Oregon this week. So if I don’t post for the majority of the week it’s because I am driving cross country! Anyway today I went out into the shed at my parents home here in the northwoods and checked out some of my old toys that I have stored here. There are some damn good ones! Old Transformers, tons of Super Powers figures, Secret Wars figures, Inhumanoids, actual Muppets puppets, G.I. Joes, lunch boxes, tons of  He-Man and suprisingly quite a few toys that are for some reason missing!

    Anyway I did find two things I was looking for in particular. Two Marvel models from 1978 made by a company called Fandimensions. (more…)

  • Fright Night remake casting….yawn….

    Ok so pretty much every damn movie you can think of is being remade! Seriously think of your fav movie in whatever genre and do a google search I bet that shit is getting remade or in the talks of being remade this very second! So naturally I was not surprised that Fright Night was announced as  being remade a while back. Really, Fright Night, aside from The Lost Boys is probably the best vampire flick of the 80’s! Even part two is pretty good. So now especially with the super shitty Twilight series getting all the hype and melting the populations brains into the size of rat turds it seems EVERYONE is trying to do a damn vampire movie! So now we’ve gotta sit through all these “sexy”, “erotic” and “mysterious” vampire movies and their ultra dull characters again!!! I get to see one of my fav vampire films get remade….oh the joy of Hollywood.

    So yeah Anton Yelchin of Chekov fame in the latest Star trek film has been cast as Charley Brewster. (more…)

  • Toxie Goes Soft On Us…

    Remakes, remakes, remakes they just don’t stop! Now word on the street is that they’ll most likely be screwing up the Toxic Avenger!! Geez-what next huh?? Apparently they want to turn the new movies into a family friendly franchise. So really just taking away all that made Toxie cool in the first place! Deadline New York reported that they intend to “turn Toxie into a green superhero for these environmentally conscious times”.

    They are making compairisons to “The Mask” and what I’m seeing is a steaming pile of shit! (more…)

  • The Last Stand: Zombies Invading Portland Oregon!

    This last Friday I was out at a truely epic Bad Movie Night! Tons of fun was had, lots of junk food eaten, beer drank and cool people! Well aside from seeing two super stinkers as we watched the wretched “Hellgate” starring Horseshack from Welcome Back Kotter as the studly hero of this 5th rate horror flick and Jesse The Body Ventura’s super shitty action sci fi terd Abraxas I learned about a cool new web series being filmed right here in Portland Oregon! It turns out a couple of my buddies even star in it!

    The Last Stand is a great little series made for lovers of zombies by lovers of zombies. (more…)

  • A Gossipy Bucky Cast In the Cap Film….

    It seems the cast of Captain America is really coming together now. So so much so that just yesterday it was annouced that Gossip Girl’s Sebastian Stan will be playing  Cap’s legendary sidekick Bucky. I really wanted to touch on this yesterday but alas I worked all day then headed off to our epic official Bad Movie Night which was a blast! Anyway I guess Stan’s signed on for several movies and personally I think that can only really mean one thing, The Winter Soldier will most likely make an appearance in the upcoming Cap movies. Hey you’ve got to admit that’d make a dynamic movie! Heck Sebastian Stan could eventually become Cap himslef too as Bucky did in the comics.

    I really honestly have no opinion on this move to cast him as I have never seen anything that he’s starred in! I know that he was in a supposedly awful movie called The Covenant and that he starred in some movie that Fred “Limp Bizkit” Durst dierected that I can only imagine must suck? I guess it is my responsibility to actually go check him out in some of these movies and decide for myself. Looks wise we seems fine as Bucky.

     I also hear that he’s in Hot Tub Time Machine as well which I also have not seen. Geez what a help I am here on this one huh? Either way I’m sure he’s right on par with Chris Evans as Cap. I at the very least am happy we didn’t have to wait out  the casting of Bucky too!!

  • Arnold Appears In The Expendables Trailer!

    Ok so it really no mystery now that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis are appearing in The Expendables movie. It’s so much NOT a mystery that they both actually appear in the new trailer for the movie released today. I must say I have been excited for this movie now for a while since it’s been billed as an obvious throwback to the action movies of the 80’s. Think Cobra, Commando, Deathwish, Raw Deal and Die Hard. Back in a time where there was no CG, when there were real planes flying on the screen, real explosions and not a bunch of rubbery looking CG  characters on the screen doing back flips and cartwheels as seen in the ultra lame G.I. Joe movie and countless other loads of steaming shit. This is an actual great accomplishment from Sly whether you love the guy or hate him, he seems to know what’s been missing in action movies today. C’mon did you see the last Rambo movie? It was raw and realistic (ok so maybe not that realistic) but you get the idea. Sure Sly looks like he’s had some plastic surgery, been dying his hair and been pumped up on weird ass growth hormones but still the guys is bringing back what has been missing from the modern action movie: unrealistic realism! check it for yourself right here and remember he brought back Dolph Lungren to the big screen and tried to court an unwilling Van Damme to appear in this flick-how cool is that? The Expendables is gonna bring it all back-old school style!

    Ok well not too sure about the “Nickleback” sounding song in the trailer but hopefully this will live up to the hype…

  • The Technicolor Nightmare Pt. 2: SUPER XUXA VS. SATAN!!!

    Anyone who braves through JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER (the subject of Technicolor Nightmare 1) can theoretically tolerate a little singing and dancing. But where JIMMY is creepy as hell, XUXA is cuter than a sugar turd on a neon birthday cake.

    SUPER XUXA VS. SATAN (A. Penido, 1988)

    (Or SUPER XUXA CONTRA O BAIXO ASTRAL)

    Xuxa Meneghel is a bonafide Brazilian superstar whose fame derives from a series of strange family films in the eighties. Some of my male friends have characterized her as “hot”. This film is the copycat little sister to LABYRINTH.

    Super Xuxa, blonde and billowing with butt cleavage in a mini jumper, slathers joy like hair mayo everywhere she goes. (more…)

  • Late Night Laughs…

    Well sometimes nights can get awfully boring for a dork late at night on a Monday in 2010. Sometimes even a little bit depressing and you find yourself grabbing a six pack of beer at 11:00 pm by yourself. Tonight I just decided I needed a drink so I got some Pabst and a lemon. Yeah well you know there’s nothing wrong with putting a lemon in your PBR! Really you can actually trick yourself into thinking you’re drinking some rad mexican beer with a little imagination. Anyway that’s a monday night really, what’s supposed to happen right? Let’s face it blogging is alot better with a few beers.

    So I was thinking of things that might turn a dark cold rainy night in Portland Oregon a little bit brighter. I found a few clips that I think are pretty damn funny. First up is just a short clip from Family Guy that I think is one of the most funny moments ever put into any of the episodes. Being a big fan of Popeye too doesn’t hurt. Yeah I’m a fan of the live action movie too with Robin Williams. I don’t care what anyone says that movie is epic as shit! After I saw it as a kid I dressed up like Popeye and ran around the neighborhood with a can of green beans (I couldn’t find any real spinach in our pantry) like a maniac! Anway this clip is classic and certainly clears up any rumours about the mystery man that is Popeye…

    Next is a clip from a movie that I think is easily one of the most funny movies of all time, Stir Crazy. (more…)

  • Bad Movie Night! Try It!

    Well it’s that time of the year again where we have our sporadic but traditional BAD MOVIE NIGHT! Myself and fellow blogger Sheaehs are gearing up to show some real stinkers once again this Friday. It definately takes the right person to enjoy Bad Movie Night I will say. First you just have to have a sense of humor, second you gotta have some serious patience and third some wit to throw at the screen. Though it’s not neccessary you might also wanna have a six pack to make the experience more bearable if the movie is just a flat out stinkin’ flaming turd! So far we’ve had some good picks that were pretty damn enjoyable! Some features included: She, The Guyver, Dungeonmaster, My Demon Lover, Mac & Me, The Roger Corman version of the Fantastic Four and The Eliminators just to respectively name a few. 

    This time we’re gearing up with two movies that will hopefully have the audience’s brains melting! My selection thus far is Abraxas: Guardian of the Galaxy, starring Jesse The Body Ventura! Now I have never actually seen this movie but have wanted to for years and just recently acquired it on dvd at the local Goodwill. This movie looks pretty damn bad and I might have to do a sneak peak before hand just to make sure it really delivers the suck. This is what the 1990 movie poster looked liked:

    (more…)