Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • Casey Jones / TMNT Movie!

    Not sure if this is totally old news to all of you TMNT fans out there but it’s news to me, I just recently saw this awesome trailer for the fan made (Polaris & Hilarion Banks) Casey Jones movie! It looks pretty awesome actually and supposedly there is a whole film which I assume is a short film out there online for anyone to view for free. I went to the official website but I couldn’t get it to download. I will check it again later and see if I have better luck the second time. Supposedly it has Robbie Rist the original voice of Michaelangelo from the movies reprising his role and for anyone who doesn’t know he was also Cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch!

    Anyway I haven’t been able to find too much more info about this film but it looks great. I also heard finally that Michael Bay is rebooting the TMNT franchise?! Uggh please nooooo! That hack will yet ruin another one of my childhood favorites with his wretched CG ridden summer slop-buster mentality!

    If we get a new Turtles film it had better be dark and gritty like the original series! In the meantime I’ll take this fan made version over any pile of steaming shit Bay tries to serve me!

  • Old School Comic Artist That Need to Come Back: Michael Golden!!

    Surely comic book fans have not forgotten about Michael Golden?! If so you need a goddamn refresher in a bad way! Don’t get me wrong there are some amazing artists out there in comics today-but lets not forget about the old dogs! Seriously where have some of these guys disappeared to?! If we can get John Romita Jr doing tons of new comics we should be able to get Michael Golden back in the limelight?! It really only takes one glimpse at this incredible posted he did back in the early 80’s to solidify my point- “The Merry Marching Confusion” mail order only poster is still one of my favorite pieces of artwork ever, I ordered it back in the day through the mail and the poster still graces my wall in my room! I laminated it a few years ago as I was afraid it was falling apart, but seriously check it out! San you name them all? Give it a try!

    Most of Mikes art was most popular through the late 1970’s and early 80’s. Probably most well known for his work on the Micronauts and his art for the immensely popular The ‘Nam, Vietnam war series put out in 1986 by Marvel golden was a comic superstar. He kinda disappeared from the scene in the 1990’s but later returned in the 2000’s doing some cover art for DC.

    He also is responsible for the Danzig & Samhain logos that were lifted off of the background for the lesser know Crystar issue #8. Funny to picture good ol’ Glenn reading Crystar and playing with the awesome action figures in the 80’s!! Gotta love Danzig’s dorkdom though!!

    So where is Golden today? Well to my surprise it seems he is on the scene recently becoming the relaunched Spawn’s regular cover artist as well as plenty more for Marvel! Glad to see he’s back kicking ass again…

    Wait since when does The Hulk only have four toes?!

  • Step Aside Nerdcore Rappers and Make Some Room for Lisel!

    I love the Nerdcore genre of hip hop! Geez I wonder why huh? Well check out this clip from the yet unreleased short film “Writing Lyrics”. It’s a pretty amazing rap that’s sure to put a smile on any dorks dice rollin’ face. There’s really not too much info out there on this film or it’s story (all I really know is it’s about a LARPin’ rapper who feels out of place in world), but judging from this clip alone it’s bound to be a lot of fun. “Lisel” in the clip is a Portlander here and recently mentioned to me that she’s planning to start kicking out the jams again this year-I guess we’ll see if she continues rapping about multi sided dice & LARPing (I hope so) but in the meantime keep your eyes peeled for more info about the film-hopefully it will someday be released….

  • Alpha Flight Sadly Doesn’t Quite Make the Mark…

    Being a huge Alpha Flight fan I was somewhat saddened by the news today that Alpha Flight is no longer going to be an ongoing series as recently announced. It seems that all we are going to get right now is the recent limited series which was for the most part a pretty fun solids ride. It was great to have all the original characters back again-and even better that Major Maple Leaf was no where in sight! Still however I think that Alpha Flight could have been and should have been even better this time around.

    It seems to me that no one can make it quite as interesting as the original series by John Byrne. Heck we even got Wolverine making a cameo in this last run-yeah yeah I know Wolverine is everywhere these days, but one place he really needs to be is Alpha Flight as he was once a member and has a crazy history with the group. I for one think he needs to quit the Avengers and hell maybe even the X-men and head back to his roots in Canada. How awesome would that be? Become a full fledged member again? At the very very least I think there should be a series, much like the current Captain America & Bucky, that chronicles his past with the team from when Mac and Heather Hudson (his other red headed obsession) found him. How about that Marvel?

    Either way I am pretty disappointed Marvel went back on their decision to make Alpha a mainstay monthly. From what I hear in the latest issue though is that two Alpha members are going to make a major impact on the X-universe. My guess is it’s Northstar and Aurora, but they quite honestly have had their chance, Northstar already was a member of the X-men and Aurora part of the Weapon X series….My hope would be for Sasquatch, Puck or Snowbird. Either way I hold hope someday someone will truly do justice to the team as their stories could be right up there with any superhero team around today! Long Live Alpha Flight!!

  • Friday the 13th Meets The Karate Kid: 1985’s The New Kids!

    This last Friday night I had myself a little movie night by myself, real exciting beginning to a weekend huh? Well that’s the life of a dork sometimes I guess. But honestly it could have been a total bust as I have learned many times as I am constantly taking chances on movies trying to find the hidden gems of yesteryear. Usually I end up with some total crap ass movies-the kind that aren’t even good in a bad way, but this time little did I know I was in for a treat!

    Well my double feature started out pretty good with 1994’s Brainscan, starring Edward Furlong. This one turned out to be a pretty fun little movie where Furlong orders a new state of the art interactive “video game” from Fangoria magazine and it ends up subliminally turning him into a vicious killer. It also introduces one of the lameest movie monster villains I’ve seen in quite some time, the amazingly not scary at all “Trickster”.

    This jerk off is about on par with The Wishmaster if you get my drift. Still it was a decent movie despite some really shitty 1994 CG.

    The next movie however was the real deal, Sean “Friday the 13th” Cunningham’s movie “The New Kids” was a real treat all the way back from 1985.


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  • Chuck Norris Brings Us The Expendables 2…..For Kids?!!

    What the HELL?! I was pumped about The Expendables 2 – I really enjoyed the first one and I really loved most of all that it was a throwwback to movies like Commando, Cobra and Delta Force of the 80’s. However I felt there was still something missing from the first installment-that’s where the hope for a perfect throwback action film was invested in the sequel. The sequel which now adds Ah-nold and Bruce Willis in larger roles also boasts the addition of Jean Claude Van damme and Chuck Norris to it’s ranks. It all sounded absolutley perfect until today when it was announced that the movie would be getting a PG-13 rating!!! What the hell!?? Who’s responsible for this B.S. move you ask?!

    Well none other than Chuck Norris!!! Supposedly he signed on to the movie only if it would be “kid friendly”. He is opposed apparently to any foul language or cursing that could offend children. Well I don’t need to hear everyone cursing every five seconds, that’s not what worries me-it honestly the gore level that concerns me-I mean did you all see the last Rambo movie?! Now that was one crazy comically gory action movie-Sly delivered the goods. The Expendables was pretty damn over the top too-but with this movie Sly promised it’d be the comically violent, over the top, dumb, one liner action flick everyone was hoping for from the start. Unfortunately Norris had to go and get all Walker Texas Ranger on us all with The Expendables 2….hmmm… well now actually that could end up being pretty damn fun. We’ll see I guess but one thing I never thought was that the sequel was going to go soft on us…In the end this could be more what The Expendables 2 end up playing out as!

  • The New Hulk Series: Far From Incredible!

    You all must know how disappointed I have been with the Incredible Hulk in the comics for the last few years, the Red Hulk, A-Bomb, The Incredible Hulks….Uggh! I just couldn’t stand it! So naturally I was pumped to have all of that bull shit wrapped up with the mess that was made of the Hulk over the years when I heard that Hulk was going to get a new writer and start over again at number one with Jason Aaron and Mark Silvestri on board. Now here we are at issue number four and I have got to say my attention is seriously faltering.

    The concept seemed interesting enough, well sorta, Hulk and Banner have split into two different entities and are at odds with each other. Well too bad John Byrne already did this in his short but brilliant stint / story arc way back in the 80’s. But well we all know how original ideas are hard to come by now days…anyway what we have ended up with is a long haired bearded Hulk who lives in the crust of the earth with the mole men and a psychotic dick of man, Bruce Banner who lives on an the gamma Island of Doctor Moreau. Seriously borrowing a bit TOO much there from Moreau-it’s almost sickening. But hey what the hell right it’s the Hulk?

    Well for some reason Banner is trying to turn into the Hulk again but it ain’t working and he’s become a mad man, sending his Doc Moreau clones after the real Hulk and pissing him off. So the Hulk decides to go after Banner once and for all…oh yeah the Hulk is intelligent again. How the hell is it determined these days if he’s a mindless monster, a child like brute or an intelligent bad ass? I have been confused for years about this all. Anyway Amanda Von Doom (no relation to Doctor Doom, apparently that’s a common last name?!) has gotten the Hulk to help her destroy Banner because her group of assassins takes down mad scientists exclusively. How convenient huh?

    Now they head toward Gamma Banner Moreau island and get attacked by Hulk Sharks, Hulk bats, Hulk Tiger men ect. It’s a pretty weak story if you ask me…I almost prefer Abomb to this really. Then there’s a question of the art, I used to like Silvestri, but today his sketchy art reminds me more of slightly talented Rob Liefeld, I also don’t really dig the long haired handsome bearded “hunk” Hulk that is portrayed here-or for that matter the “old Hulk” they for some reason draw on the cover with his “foot ball player / meat head high top” bowl cut. To make matters worse they have got Whilce Portacio stepping in on issue #4 for some seriously crap-tas-tic artwork that’d make Liefield cringe in his Levi’s 501’s & Doc Martens. I think I just have to say it-the Hulk sucks again!!! How is that possible? Am I crazy Hulk fans?! Have I gone mad and this shit is actually brilliant?! I am hoping this story ends soon and a new writer and artist take it over….hey Mantlo, Stern, David, Jones, Byrne and Buscema rescue me from this ongoing Hulk Nightmare!!

  • Khan Gets Down in the Dancehall!

    The time has come once again to shamelessly self promote myself! Hey somebody has got to do it – anyway I just posted my youtube slide show for the “Wrath of Khan” a song by Mister Saturday. It’s a reggae dancehall retelling of the history of Khan Noonien Singh, the greatest Star Trek foe of all time.

    For a while this was the theme song for the Official Star Trek convention’s Myspace page. Remember that website? Me neither really…anyway sit back light one up, pour yourself a glass of ice cold Andorian ale and check out this track from the world first and only nerdcore dancehall artist…

  • The Yeti Crab : Easily My Favorite New Animal!

    Just the name of this new crab species found in the depths of the Antarctic spoke to me, because if you combine the word Yeti with anything it’s bound to be super rad. But then I saw an actual picture of this new crab species just found and I was even more blown away! I mean, how awesome is this creature?! Pretty amazing too that these things were just recently discovered hanging around deep ocean vents that are shooting water out that up to 721 degrees Farenheit!!! I guess we really don’t need to look for aliens in outer space anymore because we’ve got them right here on earth. I wonder how many other strange creatures exist that we’ve yet to discover right here? I wonder what lurks beneath the earths crust-surely there are some amazing creatures down below even further-who know maybe an intellegent race? But in the meantime I am just happy that there’s now something on this planet called a Yeti Crab!!

  • Mutant Hunt’s Matt Riker Has Got All the Wrong Moves!!

    Wow I have just finished watching “Mutant Hunt” a movie I have wanted to see since I was a kid! This movie was worth the wait, if you are a fan of superhumanly bad movies like I am-especially ones that are really trying hard to cool. Well 1987’s Mutant Hunt delivers the suck in a HUGE way! First off I have to mention that when I was a kid I used to see this one at the video store all the time, the cover was always one of my favorites, I’m sure there were a few people fooled into renting this back in the day expecting something as rad as The Terminator, what they got though may be just as enjoyable. Besides what more could you ask for? It’s got hot babes, Matt Riker’s steamy sex appeal, mutant cyborgs, 80’s punks and lots of kung fu!! Aounds like a winner huh?

    Look this movie follows a story of an evil mastermind named Z who turns an army of cyborgs against the people of Manhattan, while holding their inventor prisoner. Supposedly he’s given them violent sexual urges, however not one cyborg does anything remotely riske throughout the entire flick! However Matt Riker, ace martial arts master / cyborg hunter surely gets his fair share of action!! Yes Matt Riker is the handsome stud who’s got some of the most awful karate moves I have ever seen! Don’t believe me check this SHIT out as he kicks cyborg ass in his tightie whitey’s!!

    In fact pretty much everyone in this movie seems to be mentally challenged when it comes to hand to hand combat-believe me there’s a ton of it in here too thank god! Also it seems that the cyborgs wear black sunglasses because we all know that’s clearly a cyborg fashion trend of the 80’s and have arms that grow and stretch, um stretch very very very slowly that is. There’s a pretty rad cyborg though that’s got most of his face ripped open that’s pretty rad who hangs out for most of the movies final act, this must have been a lot of the movies budget along with the cool cover art. The movie’s cover also suggests the movie was “too gory for the silver screen” but that’s not the case here folks-it was merely too shitty for the silver screen! Clocking in at under 75 minutes this one’s bound to be a crowd pleaser and one that Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have had a blast with…