Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • Sherlock Holmes : The Dufus!

    I finally got around to check out the latest Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Jr. and it was exactly what I thought it was going to be,a dumb fun romp of a movie. No surprises really there I enjoyed it quite a bit like the first installment however this Guy Ritchie Sherlock was COMPLETELY different than any Sherlock that we’ve ever seen or known of. This confused some and made others angry as Holmes was never an all out crazed brawler in the past. This didn’t bother me too much, sure it didn’t really feel like I was watching a real Sherlock adventure but I don’t mind a different take on classic characters every now and then. That’s why I urge any of you people out there looking for a great different Sherlock Holmes movie to check out “Without a Clue” from 1988.

    This is definitely a different take on our beloved hero. In this movie Holmes played brilliantly by Michael Caine is actually a boozing unemployed dufus actor who couldn’t find his way out of a public restroom. The brains behind the operation is secretly Watson played by Ben Kingsley, who creates the persona of Sherlock Holmes so he can solve crimes secretly while trying to secure a position at a highly respectable medical practice. This is quite an interesting take on the legend and it’s a helluva good time.

    It’s a treat seeing the bumbling Holmes taking orders from Watson, watching Sherlock hog the spotlight with out a clue as to what the hell he is talking about as he fools Scotland Yard into thinking he’s a superhuman crime solving super hero. It’s a perfect anti-buddy comedy as soon Sherlock’s got everyone fooled and is soon chosen to solve the movies mystery on his own as Watson is suddenly “killed” in a plot by the evil Moriaty and suddenly he has to try and play the part of the legend on his own for real.

    I love the period of Sherlock Holmes that’s part of the charm for me with these movies but this one is just a splendid 1980’s movie that’s a perfect watch alongside “Murder by Decree” & “Young Sherlock Holmes” which is hands down my favorite Sherlock flick ever. Though the movie back in the 80’s received relatively poor reviews I think it’s charming little adventure. If you get the craving for more mysterious adventure make sure to check out this often overlooked lil’ gem!

  • Still Trying to Forget The “New Monkees” of 1987!!

    Well I have had The Monkees on the brain since hearing of Davy Jones passing yesterday. It got me thinking of the Monkees when I was a kid and how much I loved them. It also got me thinking of something else I wish I could forget-do any of you remember The New Monkees?!!

    If not that’s probably a good thing! If you do then you know what a crap-tas-tic idea and show this was. The year was 1987 and in 1986 the Micky Dolenz and Peter Tork released the hit song “That Was Then, This is Now” remember that? Well it brought on a sort of Monkees revival and someone over at Columbia Pictures thought the answer to this new rise in popularity was….The New Monkees.

    These idiots had zero to do with the old group but somehow they got a tv show, an album and the band name The Monkees! Not a bad deal huh!? Well what happened was nobody gave a shit about the NEW Monkees, their show or their music-because well, people loved the REAL Monkees!!! I know as a kid this shit didn’t compare and it actually made me angry when this show would suddenly appear on my tv screen! Geez…anyway they made some really bad 80’s music and 13 really incredibly unfunny tv episodes….so live it up New Monkees today you get another 5 seconds of fame from me here….Enjoy!!

  • Davy Jones: My Favorite Scooby Doo Character…

    It’s bummed me out big time today upon finding out that Davy Jones, my favorite Monkee passed away today. I LOVE the Monkees, I always have they have been a huge part of my childhood with my parents playing their music, watching the tv show as a child after school and even more so as a kid seeing Davy Jones guest star on Scooby Doo! Below are the concept Davy Jones Scooby cartoon art for the epsiode!

    Yeah he appeared on the legendary 1972 episode of the New Scooby Doo Movies called “The Haunted Horsemen of Hagglethorn Hall”. These episodes were an hour long and featured guest stars like Batman & Robin, Phyllis Diller, Don Knotts and The Harlem Globetrotters. From what I remember of this episode was that Scooby and the Gang were off to help Davy Jones solve a mystery of a castle he inherited-He sang a super groovy song to a huge monster toad too. Davy was my favorite voice of the Monkees, I never got to see them live, but I should have…rest in Peace Davy….

  • Universal Dork : The Song!

    So I could go on on on and on about all the multi million dollar movies out there and hype them up even more, or talk mad shit on them til the cows come home-but really do they need anymore people promoting their shit for them? I think not. Instead though I am going to hype up my new song I wrote with Ensly Mogul my spacehall nerdcore partner in crime. In fact he was an original contributor here on Universal Dork and from time to time used to post here. I have been releasing nerdcore dance hall for years and just recently started up writing new jams and rehearsing with Mogul for live shows.

    Anyway we just recently put the finishing touches on this one, which is a nerdcore mix of hip hop, reggae spacehall bursting with dork rhymes galore. This is the second track we’ve released and it will be part of our upcoming full length album – dorks unite and please help us spread the word and let us know what you think so far!

  • The Evolution of the CG Hulk….

    Yesterday there was a brand spankin’ new image of The Hulk released to the public for the upcoming Avengers movie. I must admit it’s the best most realistic looking one yet but to really be certain it’s perfect we’ll have to see this once again entirely computer generated character in the flesh or um…pixels or whatever it is on screen moving around with living breathing real human beings. Lets face it the last two Hulks were pretty piss poor and personally I rather see Lou Ferrigno back with the ripped jeans and green paint than more of this poorly done cg. However this still shot of the Hulk does look pretty dang nice and I am willing to keep an open optimistic mind about ol’ Jade Jaws until I see it for real. Lets though take a look at all three of these cg fakers and see if the new image actually holds up…

    First the Ang Lee CG “dumb jock football player” Hulk…

    Verdict: Wow this one looks even worse than I remember! What is that live action Shrek doing onscreen with Jennifer Connelly?! Did George Lucas do this cg version of The Hulk on his lunch break?! This one has GOT to be one of the worst cg charcters of all time!!

    Second we have the Ed Norton “totally ripped” Hulk…

    The verdict: This one actually looked pretty good….as long as there weren’t any real human beings on screen with him! This one at least got the look and spirit of The Hulk correct. Plus he wasn’t twenty five feet tall like the “Jolly Green Giant” Hulk that Ang Lee gave us. Still this version of The Hulk was to me quite a disappontment.

    Lastly we’ve got a newly released shot of the “Joss Whedon can do no wrong” Hulk…

    Verdict: This one is hands down the most realistic looking one yet but that don’t mean squat til we see him standing next to Robert Downey Jr. I am willing to bet this one could win the prize, but if it doesn’t well three strikes and you’re out CG Hulk!! With that said we still have the Guillermo De Toro Hulk to look forward to and I am sure that one will deliver the goods…

  • The Mysterious “Moonrise Kingdom”…

    Wes Anderson has made some great films over the years and it’s always a treat to see what he’s has got cooking next. You either love him or hate him, there’s usually no in between. I have to say I usually really enjoy his movies-though some more than others you really have to admit they aren’t your usual Hollywood shlock.

    So it goes with his latest movie “Moonrise Kingdom” has some of his familiar faces (Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman) and new faces Like Edward Norton and Bruce Willis. The trailer looks quite intriguing, mysterious and most likely another hit for Anderson. You got to love the last scene of the trailer with Bill Murray. It opens in May and I will definitely be there….

    Set in the 1960s, a pair of young lovers (Kara Hayward, Jared Gilman) flee their New England island town, prompting a local search party led by the Sheriff (Bruce Willis) and the girl’s parents (Bill Murray, Frances McDormand) to fan out to find them.

  • Wonder Woman’s Naggin’ Mom!!!

    Wonder Woman was being planned as a tv show long before Lynda Carter donned the costume and wow was it whole mess of crazy. Seriously check out this screen test for the proposed pilot for the late 60’s Wonder Woman. Watching this clip seriously makes my brain hurt and Wonder Woman’s mom needs to take a serious chill pill already!!!

    Then when Wonder Woman finally does appear it get even more creepy as it’s obvious living with her mother has given her serious mental problems! It’s no wonder this was never given the green light-can you imagine a whole half hour of this shit?!And what’s up with her saggy bottoms?! What the hell is going on with her and that mirror? Well see for yourself as it will make you even more thankful for Lynda Carter!!

  • These Ass Kicking Jeans Must Be Mine!

    I have been on a hunt for new pants for myself for quite a while-and now I know 100% now that I have to track down a pair of these awesome Chuck Norris Action Slacks!! I’m a big fan of vintage clothing in fact I own a vintage clothing store here in Portland Oregon called “Hollywood Babylon”- well how’s that for shameless self promotion? I just began today officially searching for a vintage pair of these for myself because well who doesn’t want to kick ass like ol’ Chuck?

    I remember seeing ads for these pants back in the 80’s when I was a kid and I always thought they were funny but today I guess it really dawned on me that they are actually super fly! Look closely at the crotch as they have a super stretchy area so that you can kick really high and not split your pants. Well I tell you only Norris could come up with something like these for the public. I bet too that it hurt like hell back then to be kicked in the face with those bad ass cowboy boots he’s always wearing too! So yeah I will find a pair-I will keep you posted!!

  • 1970’s Raquel Welch Space Boogie….sigh…

    Here’s just a reminder that Raquel Welch was a geeks dream come true way back in the 1960’s and 1970’s obviously for roles in movies like One Million Years B.C. and Fantastic Voyage was one of my all time faves as a kid!

    Well anyway check her out as she leads a couple stylin’ alien dudes with her sci fi space lady dance ensemble!
    Pretty rad space age fashion back from this 1970 clip I am sure Captain Kirk went crazy for her-get down!!

  • Happy Valentine’s Day! May the Force be With You and You get Lucky!

    Yeah so I hear Valentine’s Day is a corporate holiday-blah blah blah….well you know what it also means? It means that a lot of people are going to be having some fun between the sheets tonight! So I have to say Valentine’s Day pretty much means that if you are in a relationship today you’re going to be pretty much guaranteed to doing the wild thang tonight and if you’re not-well there are lots of people out there looking for love!! So forget the cheezy-ness of it all-it’s not about buying things for people today-it’s all about the fact that your chances of getting busy are exponentially better! Role with it dorks and quit yer whining!!