You will hear it here first…and only here at Universal Dork!
Despite popular belief, Jabba the Hut did not die on his sand barge by the Sarlacc pit on Tatooine. If you remember the accounts of the fateful day, he was believed to be choked to death by the very chains that bound his entertainment, Princess Leia. But in fact, Jabba was just unconscious and his loyal assistant Salatious Crumb was able to remove the giant from the barge and to safety.
The only thing that saved Jabba from being choked to death was his extreme girth, especially around his neck. Jabba was happy that his size played a role in his survival, but shortly after this ordeal, Jabba became a recluse; hiding from all, even the Hut. Jabba became so concerned with his outward appearance, in particular his neck, that he took matters into his own hands.
Jabba, with his vast wealth, sought out the best trainers money could buy to reduce the size of his neck. But alas, he could not manage to get its uncontrollable size in check. So as a last attempt, Jabba turned to a relatively unknown technology. The PY Neckline Slimmer! This innovative device allows for regular exercise of the neck to work away the floppy jowls that may develop with being overweight or old age. It even features three resistances to customize the next workout.
Jabba, being a Hut of dedications set out on the voyage of neckline slimming using the PY Neckline slimmer. Slowly working his way up from the first resistance setting, eventually to the second setting, and finally third…it provided him with the ultimate neckline workout! I realize this story might be unbelievable, so don’t take this dorks word for it check out the before and after pictures that were taken of Jabba. This is truly universally disruptive technology, even in a time long ago and a galaxy far, far away…