I loooove candy!! All sorts of candy especially the sour kinds. Well last night i was eating some Runts (the big box of ’em) and really began to notice how those damn banana Runts we’re totally ruining a beautiful experience!! You ever have one guy at a party who totally makes people feel uncomfortable and ruins it for the rest? Well that guy in a candy alternate reality is the damn banana Runt!! But it gets worse cuz there are like five thousand of them in a single box of Runts! Who ever really thought banana candy was a good idea anyway? Runts could be the BEST candy out there but for some reason they don’t have the guts to tell the stinkin’ banana Runt to split! Anyway I’d buy Runts more often if they would just kick him out of the gang already….
This is what the bottom of my box of Runts looked like last night when I was done with it…
Then I got to thinking of a few more candies that are totatlly ruining the fun for the rest. It got me pissed when I began to think about………..The GRAPE JOLLY RANCHER!! I LOVE Jolly Ranchers but ever since I was a kid it made no sense to me why this one was let into the gang! I know it’s not just me because everytime there is a bowl of Jolly Ranchers anywhere there are always like four hundred grape ones left over in the bowl for like six weeks until someone gets drunk or stoned enough to just eat ’em already! Um, it’s not like the Jolly Rancher company doesn’t know this. They can’t be clueless can they? They must have tried them at some point? Grape is one of the best flavors out here-so come on Jolly Rancher get a new formula already and make the grape one a contender or tell him to get lost for good-I even liked the “Fire” cinnamon flavor better when they were included in the 80’s and that one ain’t even a fruit flavor!
One of these grape candies does not belong with the others! The sucky Grape Jolly Rancher thought he could sneak in and no one would notice….
Then i began to think about Sweet Tarts and those weird ass blue ones!! I hate those-I always try to give them away to people and they think I’m being generous but in reality when it comes to ol’ Sweet Tarts i’m just trying to pawn them off on someone else. Then I decided to check out what exactly this weird blue flavor was supposed to be. When I did it it all made total sense as to why they totally suck. The Official name of the more newly added blue flavor is “Pickled Punch”! Nuff Said!!
Pickled Punch anyone? No? I didn’t think so…
Lastly you have gotta admit-no one likes the yellow lemon flavored Starburst! You ever notice whenever anyone offers you a Starbusrt candy it’s always the lemon yellow flavor you get??! There’s a reason for that-CUZ THEY SUCK! I think it’s time Starburst kicks the Lemon flavor to the curb! Not nearly as bad as the previously mentioned candies but still let’s face it the lemon flavor is totally ruining the party for the rest of the crew. Lemon Flavor Starbust this is your last warning-SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT buddy!
The Yellow Starburst has been spoiling the party for the rest for years-lemon one you need to get your act together before a real lemon comes along and kicks your ass for mis-representing!!!