Tagged: review
Even More Universal Dork Halloween Horror Picks! The Tall Man!
So this year’s list of horror movies to check out at the theater seems pretty weak ass to me. So far we have has V/H/S which got incredibly mixed reviews, Sinister (who former Universal Dork contributor The One From Beyond warned me was a complete pile of dog shit) and Paranormal Activity 4 which is jammed packed with even MORE doors slowly opening! So what the fuck is a horror hound supposed to do in this day and age of shitty Hollywood Horror? Well I just recently viewed Pascal Laugier’s “The Tall Man” and really enjoyed the hell out of it!
This movie probably should have seen a wide release especially with Jessica Biel as the movies’ main starpower. Now if you’ve seen Laugier’s previous movie Martyrs then you know this guy is a real talent. That movie caused quite a stir and left me with images that to this day are hard to erase from my mind. So I would never really recommend Martyrs to anyone because it’s just too much of a challenge to view. However I am glad I saw it and even though The Tall Man is a much much different type of horror film I can see strong similarities in how the stories unfold in both.
The plot is simple in The Tall Man, it follows a mother (Biel) who’s a doctor in small troubled town suffering from economic collapse. There many children have since gone missing and many locals believe it to be the work of an evil supernatural being called The Tall Man. It’s not long before our main character comes face to face with the legendary stranger as he attempts to steal her son. Now honestly that’s all I should really tell you about the plot, anything more would spoil this cool little film that has a LOT to say in the end.
You will be scratching your head mid way through confused as hell I promise but in the end it will all make sense. If you have seen Martyrs you know what I mean. The movie has many elements to it and to simply call it a horror movie would be a crime. However I think this was an exciting watch and one of the better new horror movies I’ve seen in quite some time. For those of you who’ve seen Martyrs don’t worry this one won’t leave you quite as scarred just more intrigued than anything else…
Universal Dork’s Halloween Movie Picks: Creepy Ass Dolls!
Hey I am back again with another Halloween horror movie pick from the past! One of my personal favorite topics of horror flicks are that of the creepy doll! Yeah I know we all first think of Child’s Play which is easily one of if not the best creepy doll movie. However there are a good number of others that are pretty swell as well like Dolly Dearest from 1991 which is basically a female version of Child’s Play and of course The Puppetmaster series is also fairly decent.
But one of my personal faves is “Dolls” from 1986 from horror legend Stuart Gordon and of course the wonderfully cheesy Charles Band. This short and sweet little creepy horror classic is essentially a dark fairy tale jammed to the brim with freaky living dolls.
It follows a group of travelers as they take refuge from a strom in a strange mansion in the countryside owned by a far too friendly elderly couple. However the group consists some people that are far from friendly, two rowdy British punkers and a greedy married couple along with their little girl and the young at heart traveling salesman. It seems that when the lights go out for the night the dolls emerge to teach the naughty adults some lessons.
The whole movie is just a whole lot of fun all together. A simple plot can sometimes make for the best type of film and Gordon does a great job with presenting us with a whimsical, dark & atmospheric setting. Dolls is also filled with some fun 80’s fx via puppetry, animatronics and some cool stop motion.
So this Halloween check this out, it’s a great little horror flick that we will all learn a valuable lesson from, I know I’ll be popping this into my dvd player again this Halloween!
Recent “Evil Dead” Leaked Trailer Mania: Did it Deliver?
So like everyone else out there who’s a fan of horror, I recently watched the bootleg version of the new Evil Dead remake leaked trailer. It seems it’s so far got a lot of great reactions. If you haven’t seen it you should check it out. So far it looks pretty decent. It promises to be everything fans of the movie would hope for in a remake. This was promised by Bruce Campbell himself. I don’t doubt it will be entertaining while highly uncalled for in the same breath. To me it’s just not that exciting, even with an ultra shocking, super gory trailer and yeah even with Bruce himself getting behind it. I really don’t have to say it again, but I personally would rather have the energy someone puts into a movie like this be spent on something new and fresh.
I like most fans of the franchise would rather have one last adventure with Bruce reprising his role as Ash. And please people, Bruce is NOT too old to play Ash. His age would only make it that much more entertaining and comedic. For some reason though it’s been talked of for years it never happens. Instead we get something like “Drag Me to Hell” from Raimi. A near perfect horror romp minus the horrible CG which ends up spoiling the movie for true splatter fans. So maybe it’s best Raimi stays away from Evil Dead 4, perhaps he and Bruce know it’d end up lackluster?
Either way I will end up checking out this new Evil Dead movie. It looks creepy as hell, gory, and from what I can deduct thus far not too heavily reliant on CG. I will admit though honestly when it comes to Evil Dead for me I am much more of a Part 2 & Army of Darkness kind of guy. So letting this remake pass with out too much bitching is not that incredibly hard. However once they move into the casting a “new” Ash territory there may be some problems. But given the right director in this day and age can really change it all. Besides I would have never believed in a million years I would have been ok with new people playing Captain Kirk and Spock. How they pulled that one off still baffles me…what do you think?
Oh and I couldn’t find a good link to the leaked trailer so this will have to do!
Did The Uncanny Avengers Live Up to the Hype?
I just got done reading The Uncanny Avengers #1, one of the most hyped comics books in quite some time. Marvel has even reported over 300,000 issues already sold. So was it as amazing as everyone hoped? I think so. Now granted this is issue #1 only, but in the aftermath of AVX which I will admit I didn’t read it all ( hey comic books are expensive and to be honest I can’t afford to read all the tiles I’d like to every week for 4 bucks a pop) this issue is a fantastic start to something that could be really awesome. It’s first off beautifully drawn by John Cassaday, while reading it, it brought back great memories of Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-men run second Remender does a great job with grabbing you in with some heartfelt story telling in the wake of Professor X’s death.
What we have here in issue one is basically Captain America asking Havok to lead a special Avengers team, Wolverine telling the world they failed Chuck Xavier and his dream, an attack by Avalanche on the city in the name of mutant revenge on humans and lastly Rogue confronting The Scarlet Witch at Xavier’s grave. I thought it was a great scene in where we get to really understand where both of these characters are coming from dealing with the recent “death”.
Lastly we get a new(?) gang of villains who attack. We have ‘The Goat Faced Girl” who’s creepy enough along with, an insect man, a water controlling octopus woman, a winged demon woman and a snapping turtle man guy. So yeah not sure what I think about these dudes yet…we’ll see. Finally we get a look at the “major villain” which is really not much of a surprise but steals something for him self which will be important I’d imagine to the X-men. A really impressive first issue overall, with wonderful artwork and an exciting story coming together it will be interesting to see how long The Avengers remain Uncanny…..
Fievre: Mixing Lucid Dreams & Horror!
I have always been intrigued with lucid dreaming as I have myself had the pleasure of having them many times in my life thus far. If you don’t know what lucid dreaming is then let me explain simply. It’s when while dreaming something suddenly triggers an awareness that you are inside a dream. Usually if you can avoid waking by the sensation you can actively manipulate the surroundings, situations & people you encounter. It also many times grants the dreamer super powers like flying ect. I have to say once you have a lucid dream you’ll never quite be the same.
Well this brings me to a new upcoming horror film I am excited about, Romain Basset’s “Fievre” or Fever as it will be called here in the US. Much of this movie supposedly takes place in the surreal dreamworld and from what have heard so far doesn’t skimp on gore or cool creature effects. There’s a great piece on it here at Rue Morgue that’s pretty awesome. The synopsis sounds pretty interesting:
“Jessica has never dreamed in her life but has had regular nightmares, the meaning of which escaped her. This peculiarity has led her to conduct studies specializing in the psychophysiology of dreams and to follow a therapy with Sean, her mentor and boyfriend, to try and understand the origins of her nightmares Continue reading
The Wolverine: First Official Movie Pic Proves Nothing!
Today this new first official picture from “The Wolverine”, Marvel’s second attempt at a solo Wolverine movie after the god awful X-men Origins: Wolverine has finally arrived. Many are saying that from this pic alone that the franchise is finally headed in the right direction. I say this new picture don’t prove JACK SHIT! To me all this picture proves is that Jackman has been lifting weights, something required um if you’re gonna play Wolverine in a god damn movie!! It also shows that he’s got a lot of veins on his arms and that he maybe just walked out of a barber shop! This picture could have been from the last movie for cryin’ out loud! I bet this movie ends up a slick rubbery cg schlock fest. I don’t think Hollywood is capable anymore of making a “real” Wolverine movie. I think Jackman’s day is done as the character. I was personally hoping for a reboot! Can you believe that? Me hoping for a reboot?
Oh yeah one last thing Hollywood would you please give Wolverine his crazy fucked up hair? This pic looks like Hugh Jackman in a GQ photo shoot with claws rather than Wolverine with his claws unsheathed…until I see a trailer I’m gonna be a dick about this one..ok done ranting…
Is “Revival” the Next Walking Dead?
I have been reading the new image series “Revival” the past few months and it’s quickly shaping up to be one of my favorite monthly titles. I am making bet that it becomes the next big hit for Image comics. I still am a big Walking Dead fanatic, though for me the story has gotten a little dull over the past year or so. Even with the “shocking” death of Glenn recently I think Kirkman needs to shift gears in the series and bring The Walking Dead story to some new fresh levels. The Walking Dead is feeling a little to “dead” lately, as I have said before “shocking” deaths don’t necessarily equal great story telling.
So I am pleased to report there’s a great new series that does deliver us some fresh new ideas on the “undead” a genre which to be quite honest is boring the shit out of me lately. New zombie movies? I don’t even care to see ’em anymore. I’m so burnt out on the zombie thing it makes me kinda sick to my stomach. However this ain’t the case with Revival. So far they’ve crafted an intriguing little story set in my home state of Wisconsin. Yeah there are undead, but not your typical, these people rose from the dead on day in this small contained area of the country. They aren’t mindless creatures, they return to their former daily lives. The only thing is these undead have quite a temper and on top of that you’ve an eerie thin white creature wandering through the forest and a bizarre religious “Limp Bizkit” listening exorcist taking care of possessed teenagers. Yeah it’s a fun one and it’s all in the hands of a small town detective named Dana. So if you’re looking for a cool, original and refreshing horror “farm noir” adventure then you need to grab Revival ASAP! I’s bound to be big.. Also for a great interview with the series creators Timm Seely & Mike Norton check Comicbookresources.com and get the full scoop!
Hypothermia: Best Movie Poster Of 2012!
I am a sucker for a good creature feature and right now I have high hopes for Hypothermia! This movie will be released Oct 2nd on DVD which is right around the corner here. It seems there’s a shortage of good monster flicks these days so I am hoping this one will deliver. So far I like the plot, which is nice and simple. It follows a group of ice fishers in Maine who aren’t catching anything in their local lake. They do a little research and find out that there are no fish inhabiting the lake at all….just a weird monster beneath the ice!
So far from the still via Dreadcentral.com it looks like a weird humanoid lamprey. Hopefully the movie isn’t jam packed with shitty cg. One thing it definately has going for it though is it’s movie poster! Talk about a throwback to 80’s VHS!!
From ROBOCOP to ROBOCRAP?!
Hey isn’t it awesome we finally have gotten a good look at the new Robocop costume for the upcoming remake?! You’d think so huh? However this seems quite the contrary with this new pic that surfaced today. It feels like I just saw this new incarnation of the character recently though…like in The Dark Knight Rises!!!
It’s not Robocop its fucking BATMAN!!! Seriously folks this is the best they could do for Robocop in 2012?! I think they forgot…um…he’s supposed to be a damn ROBOT! My verdict is a big thumbs down thus far! I don’t know about you all but I will gladly take my 80’s Robocop over this loser any day! UGGGGH Hollywood remakes….
The Expendables 3 Wish List!
So everyone is making their “Expendables 3” wish list in hopes that the third installment will be even bigger, louder and more ridiculous than the first two. So naturally Universal Dork has got to chime in with a little wish list as well! There are already rumors about Nicholas Cage (whoopdeedoo…) joining the cast and Harrison Ford & Clint Eastwood being approached. Now that’s all fine and dandy, but for some reason Ford and Eastwood just don’t strike me as the type of actors to jump into a huge ensemble cast. Sure Danny Trejo, Carl Weathers and Kurt Russel would all be great and I know they top the majority of of the lists out there so I am am choosing a few that may have been forgotten but would be equally as awesome as any mentioned. So here’s seven actors I think should get back into the gym and start training for numereo tres!
1. Jesse Ventura: Jesse “The Body” Ventura is one of my favorite people in the world. I loved the guy as a kid and today I love him for his political views. It’s been rumored that he may run for president in 2016 and if so he’ll definitely get my vote, so in the meantime I think Jesse needs to get his ass back into making movies, at least for this one.
He starred alongside Arnold in Predator where his iconic line “I ain’t got time to bleed” was immortalized and again in The Running Man. He later appeared in Demolition Man with Sly so why the hell not get Ventura back to kick some ass in the next installment-he could make a great villain and when he’s finally killed in the finale Arnold could tell him “You’ve got time…….to bleed!”. Hell I should write Arnold’s future one liners!
2. Bolo Yeung: This guy was rumored to be in the second film as a major villain, when I heard that I thought it was a genius idea but somehow it remained purely a rumor. Well if there has ever been an iconic action villain it’s him!
Know for his gigantic pecs and his killer moves Bolo has faced off against the likes of Bruce Lee and Van Damme for cryin’ out loud! This time let’s have him and Van Damme on the same team! Bolo still has the moves & it’s time to give him one last hurrah as the series best villain yet!
3. Grace Jones: Yeah the film needs some female presence and Grace Jones is one of the wildest women on the planet!
She’s like seven feet tall, starred with Arnie in Conan the Destroyer, 007: A View to a Kill and could easily play a part of the Good Guys or villains in the flick. Yeah she’s that much of a bad ass-she could go toe to toe with Sly and it’d be believable. It’s time for the film to feature some ladies and she’d be perfect!
4. Mr T: Seriously Mr. T!! He made my list for the second film but from what I’ve heard T won’t do any violent movies anymore. But he does kick ass for…Snickers?
Well it’s time for him to get back on board with what he does best-kicking peoples asses to the moon and back! Part of The A-Team, Clubber Lang in Rocky III, Partners to Hulk Hogan in the WWF, Mr. T needs to get his head out of his ass and fast because his resume has got The Expendables 3 written all over it. Imagine the fans reaction to Mr. T? It’d be insane…
5. Iko Uwais: Yeah I see the problem we’ve got too many old ass dudes running around doing the ass kicking. I get that. That’s why you grab the best up and coming action stars before they hit it huge here in the USA! If you don’t know who this guy is then you are in for a treat because The Raid: Redemption makes The Expendables look like Kindergarten Cop!
Seriously Iko kicks soooo much butt it’s almost incomprehensible! Even his first movie Merantu was awesome. This Indonesian action star is a master of Silat, a truly incredible form of martial arts. He’d round out some of the old blood in the next movie quite nicely and when in action would raise the bar on the movie’s hand to hand combat sequences.
6. Roddy Piper: Roddy is a no brainer for the third film! He needs to be in the third film. He’s loud, cocky and rowdy! He also starred in “They Live” and “Hell Comes to Frogtown” to name a few.
He’d be perfect as hero or villain and he adds the perfect nostalgia of the 1980’s to the next installment. Plus let’s not forget he also tangled with Mr.T back in the WWF. Hint Hint….Rematch anyone?
7. Ice-T: Yes! Ice was a great action star in the early 1990’s. “New Jack City”, “Ricochet”, Trespass and my personal favorite “Surviving The Game” where he kicked so much ass in that movie alone he deserves to star in the third installment.
Ice has been out of the game for a while, taking more timid roles in recent years. Well Ice it’s time to get back on the saddle again. He’d most likely make a better villain than part of the team but one thing is certain it’s time for Ice to get back on the big screen. So let’s hope he gets on board…
Universal Dork 