Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • REAL LIFE SUPERHEROES!!

    There is a phenomenon sweeping the world right now. One that should have happened many years ago-REAL LIFE SUPER HEROES!!! I have thought for years that superheroes didn’t exist but this last weekend i found out how wrong I truely was when I stumbled upon worldsuperheroregistry.com. It turns out there are a whole slew of superheroes out on the scene patrolling our streets. Whether or not they are anything like Batman or Daredevil remains to be seen-but they are out there! Perhaps it was the recent success of Mark Millar’s KICK-ASS which has got the normal Joe donning the spandex? Or maybe the loads of superhero movies in the past years? Either way It was nice to find out that out on our dangerous streets at night you will feel perhaps just a little more safe knowing that these guys are watching out for your safety check it out!

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  • FEAST III: the happy finish

    After seeing the highly disappointing Feast II: Sloppy Seconds, i really didn’t have any expectations for the third and final installment. This movie arrived in video stores in less than a year from the previous ones release. The Happy Finish however is slightly better than the previous film but is still just one big unfunny dick, fart and poop joke. They for some reason used alot of CG blood again (NEVER go that route guys!! Is corn syrup and red food coloring really that expensive now days?!) and weird green screen CG back drops.

    The premise of the movie is pretty much the same again as the second one. The group from the end of the last movie is trying to survive the attack still and they meet a whole new cast of characters along the way to be mauled by the very rubbery looking monsters. It includes a cloaked man called “Shortbus” who seemingly can control the monsters and a cheezy kung-fu master called “Jean Claude Segal” among many others.

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  • AND FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE ONCE MORE, mr. spock!

    Chill out and relax too the sweet harmonious song, “Bitter Dregs” sung by Mr. Spock in the episode “Plato’s Stepchildren”. I guess I can’t blame him for serenading Uhura. Hey check out Shatner’s clothes here it’d be pretty amazing to have him show up at a party in those…

  • Back Issue Gold/Rant: The Thing #3

    One of the all-time greatest comics written was written by John Byrne. Although now, Byrne is a crotchety guy who probably doesn’t think much about this issue, but The Thing #3 is one of the most moving and important comics of it’s time. Any Fantastic Four or Inhumans fan is probably a little in-love with the dog-like character Lockjaw, whose powers allow him to teleport himself and others to great distances. In issue #3 of The Thing, Byrne shocked fans by having Lockjaw speak for the first time, in a very poignant way by addressing Quicksilver’s predjudices. This was a truly moving issue, check out the scene here:

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  • let the right one in

    Ok, so this weekend on Valentine’s Day I saw “Let the Right One In” finally on the big screen (I know I should have seen it sooner but there was a snow storm in Portland and unlike Wisconsin, they have no clue how to plow their damn roads! Sorry PDX but you guys are weak ass snow drivers!). I have been wondering if the title came from one of my favorite musical artists of all time, Morrissey. I would say the answer if yes but I guess that remains to be seen. This movie was definately something special as it left you with that lingering and unsettling feeling that will be left with you for days.

    This Swedish film is not your average vampire flick to say the least. It mainly revolves around an odd 12 year old boy by the name of Oskar who’s in a constant struggle with a group of bullies from his school. He spends much of his time alone plotting revenge, stabbing a knife into a tree at his apartment complex and reciting the final words of their demise. One cold evening he meets a strange girl named “Eli” who is standing on the snow covered jungle gym at the complex. You can tell as she first leaps to the ground that there is definately more to her than meets the eye.

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  • 1980’s breakfast for a hangover…

    Well this sunday morning I awoke pretty groggy from having a couple too many drinks last night and I was laying in bed with my tummy grumbling, thinking about how good all that cereal was from the 80’s! I wish I had a time machine so i could go to the local Piggly Wiggly right now and get some!! I remembered eating this particular cereal at one point at a friend of mine’s house after a sleepover and being sooooo jealous that the most sugary cereal my mom let us eat was Cheerio’s!!! And maybe if we were lucky the “Honey Nut” ones….there was nothing like staying over at a friends house who’s cupboards were filled with stuff like Lucky Charms, Boo-Berry, Captain Crunch and well Ghostbusters cereal!!!! Don’t remember it? let me refresh your memory…

  • HOMETOWN SUPERHEROES: WISCONSIN STYLE!!

    So I was wondering which superheroes were from my hometown state: Wisconsin. Believe me it’s not all farms, cheese and beer there. There is CRIME there and they do need superheroes too! There were a few i knew of and then a couple more that i discovered today. Here’s what i gathered from just a a couple minutes online and looking at my official Handbooks of the Marvel Universe. This will be part one because i know there just HAS to be more heroes and villains from America’s Dairyland. Also if anyone else has some of their own Hometown Superheroes please post them here! Anyway check these bad ass, spandex wearin’, beer drinkin’, Green Bay Packer lovin’, “Cheese Heads” out:

    THE BADGER
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    I have always LOVED the Badger!! He’s from Madison Wisconsin, completey mentally derranged, loves to drink beer, calls everyone “Larry” no matter what their real name is, has martial arts skills that’d make Bruce Lee envious and lives in a castle with his Wizard buddy named “Ham”. This guys is one of Wisconsin’s finest go hunt down his books now! (more…)

  • Don’t ever forget about the SECTAURS!!

    1984 was a good year cuz the Sectaurs RULED the toy scene! As a kid i just could not get enough of these guys. They were some of the coolest looking action figures around and had huge insects they rode around on. Plus they had a rad cartoon and Marvel even put out a nifty comic book too about these guys! If you had “The Hive”, which was pretty much a giant insectoid castle as a kid you were pretty much the talk of the neighborhood and if you were allowed to use the hand puppet spider to attack the other Sectaurs it was truely a special honor. Anyway if you never heard of these guys check out this comercial-it seems to me it was pretty much the BEST time to be a kid playing with toys in the 80’s….

  • another totally rockin’ performance from creed!

    Hey check out this performance from Creed-this was definately an off night for them!! But as usual of course they still TORE IT UP!!

  • Nomad was destined to fight the losers!

    So Nomad, Captain America’s trusty sidekick from the 80’s, sure got involved fighting some losers in his time! Before he went up against The Slug who i profiled earlier he faced this Douche Bag named “MADCAP” in Captain America #307 and then again in issue #309. I am not sure if Madcap was supposed to be Marvel’s version of the Joker or what but what i do know is this idiot needed to get his ass kicked to the moon in a very bad way! This guys had probably the lamest costume of the 80’s and carried around a squirt gun that shot out bubbles that would make you go “mad”.

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