Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • let the right one in

    Ok, so this weekend on Valentine’s Day I saw “Let the Right One In” finally on the big screen (I know I should have seen it sooner but there was a snow storm in Portland and unlike Wisconsin, they have no clue how to plow their damn roads! Sorry PDX but you guys are weak ass snow drivers!). I have been wondering if the title came from one of my favorite musical artists of all time, Morrissey. I would say the answer if yes but I guess that remains to be seen. This movie was definately something special as it left you with that lingering and unsettling feeling that will be left with you for days.

    This Swedish film is not your average vampire flick to say the least. It mainly revolves around an odd 12 year old boy by the name of Oskar who’s in a constant struggle with a group of bullies from his school. He spends much of his time alone plotting revenge, stabbing a knife into a tree at his apartment complex and reciting the final words of their demise. One cold evening he meets a strange girl named “Eli” who is standing on the snow covered jungle gym at the complex. You can tell as she first leaps to the ground that there is definately more to her than meets the eye.

    …letrightonein02 (more…)

  • 1980’s breakfast for a hangover…

    Well this sunday morning I awoke pretty groggy from having a couple too many drinks last night and I was laying in bed with my tummy grumbling, thinking about how good all that cereal was from the 80’s! I wish I had a time machine so i could go to the local Piggly Wiggly right now and get some!! I remembered eating this particular cereal at one point at a friend of mine’s house after a sleepover and being sooooo jealous that the most sugary cereal my mom let us eat was Cheerio’s!!! And maybe if we were lucky the “Honey Nut” ones….there was nothing like staying over at a friends house who’s cupboards were filled with stuff like Lucky Charms, Boo-Berry, Captain Crunch and well Ghostbusters cereal!!!! Don’t remember it? let me refresh your memory…

  • HOMETOWN SUPERHEROES: WISCONSIN STYLE!!

    So I was wondering which superheroes were from my hometown state: Wisconsin. Believe me it’s not all farms, cheese and beer there. There is CRIME there and they do need superheroes too! There were a few i knew of and then a couple more that i discovered today. Here’s what i gathered from just a a couple minutes online and looking at my official Handbooks of the Marvel Universe. This will be part one because i know there just HAS to be more heroes and villains from America’s Dairyland. Also if anyone else has some of their own Hometown Superheroes please post them here! Anyway check these bad ass, spandex wearin’, beer drinkin’, Green Bay Packer lovin’, “Cheese Heads” out:

    THE BADGER
    badger
    I have always LOVED the Badger!! He’s from Madison Wisconsin, completey mentally derranged, loves to drink beer, calls everyone “Larry” no matter what their real name is, has martial arts skills that’d make Bruce Lee envious and lives in a castle with his Wizard buddy named “Ham”. This guys is one of Wisconsin’s finest go hunt down his books now! (more…)

  • Don’t ever forget about the SECTAURS!!

    1984 was a good year cuz the Sectaurs RULED the toy scene! As a kid i just could not get enough of these guys. They were some of the coolest looking action figures around and had huge insects they rode around on. Plus they had a rad cartoon and Marvel even put out a nifty comic book too about these guys! If you had “The Hive”, which was pretty much a giant insectoid castle as a kid you were pretty much the talk of the neighborhood and if you were allowed to use the hand puppet spider to attack the other Sectaurs it was truely a special honor. Anyway if you never heard of these guys check out this comercial-it seems to me it was pretty much the BEST time to be a kid playing with toys in the 80’s….

  • another totally rockin’ performance from creed!

    Hey check out this performance from Creed-this was definately an off night for them!! But as usual of course they still TORE IT UP!!

  • Nomad was destined to fight the losers!

    So Nomad, Captain America’s trusty sidekick from the 80’s, sure got involved fighting some losers in his time! Before he went up against The Slug who i profiled earlier he faced this Douche Bag named “MADCAP” in Captain America #307 and then again in issue #309. I am not sure if Madcap was supposed to be Marvel’s version of the Joker or what but what i do know is this idiot needed to get his ass kicked to the moon in a very bad way! This guys had probably the lamest costume of the 80’s and carried around a squirt gun that shot out bubbles that would make you go “mad”.

    madcap-0

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  • If you haven’t seen this by now, allow me to present: The greatest fight ever filmed!

    I love Zombies. I love sharks. Well, okay, I don’t think I would love zombies if they were real because I’d be leading a band of survivors through their infested territories nearly escaping death on a regular basis. And sharks, well fuck sharks in person. Sharks behind thick glass and in movies and museums are all fine by me. Anyway, somehow horror legend Lucio Fulci had the brains (get it?) to create this mind-boggling scene of amazingness:

    I love the watching the dead taunt marine life.

  • Bigfoot needs to slow it down!!

    Man i don’t know what the HELL Bigfoot was up to this particular evening but what i do know is he needs to slow down the pace a little!! Check him out in this clip as he barrels towards that lonely ladys’ cottage. What the heck is his deal? Has he been drinking a case of JOLT COLA all night? Or maybe he’s gotta use the restroom? Maybe he was out all night “raving” at an underground cavern somewhere in the woods and still wants to party? Or maybe he’s just a horny bastard…..either way lady if i saw Bigfoot outside my window at 3 AM in the morning acting that freaky i’d be long gone-c’mon Bigfoot slow it down already!!

  • IT’S CLODHOPPERIN’ TIME!

    Hey there! so here’s another installment of “The World’s Lamest Villains”. Today i am showcasing a villain from The Thing #7 from 1984. First off i would like to say when when The Thing finally got his own solo title in 1983 i almost pee’d my lil’ pants! He was by far one of my favorite characters as a kid and still is today which makes this installment a cool little trip down memory lane. I remember getting getting this comic at a drugstore in Oshkosh Wisconsin back then. But anyway enough about me let’s get on with the one they call GOODY TWO-SHOES!!

    goody-1

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  • Let’s hear it for bigfoot!!

    So i think everyone can agree that Bigfoot is probably the coolest damn guy in the entire world!! And i just know he really exists even though now suddenly everyone doubts his existence since those two backwoods dudes and that Bigfoot “expert” hack said they had the real proof that indeed our buddy Sasquatch existed. But we don’t need those losers to ruin our belief in his existence for us with some old Chewbacca suit from 1978 stuffed in a moldy freezer. Everybody and anybody knows that Bigfoot is interdimensional and most likely immortal therefore living forever and never leaving a carcass to be found. With that said i’d like to start a new category for the guy here called “Bigfoot Sightings” so from time to time we can document where and when this Yeti has been seen through the years. If you have a good one post it here!! The first one i could think of would be when he fought the “Six Million Dollar Man” in the 1970’s check this shit out: