Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • When one Candy ruins the party for the rest!! MY CANDY RANT…

    I loooove candy!! All sorts of candy especially the sour kinds. Well last night i was eating some Runts (the big box of ’em) and really began to notice how those damn banana Runts we’re totally ruining a beautiful experience!! You ever have one guy at a party who totally makes people feel uncomfortable and ruins it for the rest? Well that guy in a candy alternate reality is the damn banana Runt!! But it gets worse cuz there are like five thousand of them in a single box of Runts! Who ever really thought banana candy was a good idea anyway? Runts could be the BEST candy out there but for some reason they don’t have the guts to tell the stinkin’ banana Runt to split! Anyway I’d buy Runts more often if they would just kick him out of the gang already….

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    This is what the bottom of my box of Runts looked like last night when I was done with it…

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  • The lost boys 3 – maybe they need to stay lost…

    So from what I have heard recently online it sounds like there is going to be a “Lost Boys 3”. I am not sure if that’s good news considering how god awful the second one was. Maybe they can get it right in the third? Apparently “The Lost Boys: The Tribe” did pretty well on the direct to dvd market as I assumed it would. Director P.J Pesce slaughtered my dreams of what should have been a super rad vampire flick with both Frog Brothers and Sam Emerson (Corey Haim’s character).

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    Corey Feldman was the best thing about “Lost Boys: The Tribe” other wise the movie sucked like a hungry vampire. But can he save the third film as the movie’s main character?

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  • 1987 MARVEL SUPERHERO FLOAT! get lost robocop!

    I just came across this awesome video today of the Marvel Superhero float from the Macy’s Day Parade in 1987! I was actually pretty impressed with the costumes, the whole re-enactment and all the different heroes and villains. One thing I don’t understand is why Robocop is hanging out with them on the float?!! Get your own float robocop! Anyway this is pretty rad-enjoy!

  • Back Issue Gold: Marvel Two-In-One #96 (ca. 1982)

    This week we take a look at one of the most fun comics ever created: Marvel Two-In-One. These usually featured the Thing teaming up with someone he didn’t often get to within the Fantastic Four’s monthly title. In this amazing issue, you not only get a bed-ridden Benjamin Grimm, but pretty much every single hero and villain residing in the marvel universe.

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    Yes, Ol’ Blue Eyes says his signature “Whatta revoltin’ development” and “Idol a’Millions” lines, but the following tidbits are the real reasons every Marvel fan needs to own this issue:

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  • old school artists that need to come back to comics! Barry Windsor smith!

    Hey Barry!! Where the heck have you been lately?!! Unless I am completely uninformed (which could be the case) I am wondering why this amazing artist has been missing from the comic book industry as of late? He is by far one of the BEST comic book artists of all time. I remember him most distinctly for his amazing artwork on the amazing “Weapon X” series in 1988, the hugely underated “Machine Man” limited series of 1984, X-Men #205 which is probably my all time favorite Wolverine one shot solo story and finally his one shot Thing and Human Torch story from Marvel Fanfare #15.

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  • Moore rantings and ravings from ‘Gandalf the pissed’.

    Former legendary comic book writer and current befingernailed hermit, Alan Moore has just recently went on the record about how he feels regarding comic book films to totalfilm.com reporter Sam Ashurst. Although I often laugh at Moore’s crotchety sentiments toward my favorite medium, he makes some very hard-to-argue points regarding the lack of vision that film producers have when it comes to comic book stories (like one studio’s pitch for ‘League of Extradordinary Animals’). In this short interview, I found myself strongly agreeing with Moore (for once) up until the return of his classic ravings in the last page where he claims that Brits never really created superheroes of their own. Huh?

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  • Greatest Comic book themed music videos! Vanilla Ice & The Turtles?!

    Hmmmm…the Ninja Rap music video!

    A true classic and even though I can appreciate it for how cheezy it is it’s still hard for me to get fully behind having read the original series by Eastman & Laird in the 80’s that my older brother at the time was collecting. It’s strange that many people don’t know that at one time the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kicked major ass. They were bad ass vigilantes that drew blood and beat the living shit out of the Shredder in the first story arc.

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    These Turtles pictured here from the original 80’s comic book would have tore Vanilla Ice a new asshole…

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  • Saturday Morning cartoons and sugary cereal…ah the memories…

    Oh man sometimes I REALLY wish I was a kid again and could wake up saturday mornings for some amazing cartoons like Spider-man and His Amazing friends, Dungeons & Dragons, The Incredible Hulk, and one that I loved that many people have forgotten about, The Herculoids!!

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  • The Hulk & Spider-man busy doing some loggin’!

    This commercial is just so rad. The Giant Megos were so damn cool I had both Spider-man and the Hulk! In fact as I am typing this I am looking at my giant Hulk Mego I still own from being a little kid. He is missing his torn white shirt (that’s ok the Hulk never sported a white shirt in the comics anyway) but luckily still has those snazzy purple trousers intact. Anyway this particular toy gave me years of fun and was one of my all time favorites. Seeing this commercial brought back some memories of being a kid back when life was a lot less stressful and filled with magic. I will tell you however that when i played with the Hulk he didn’t walk around helping Spidey carry logs in the woods-no way he was kicking major toy action figure ass!! check this out:

  • Brigitte Neilson almost hulked out!!

    I am not sure what made me think of this but I remembered seeing some pics in the late 80’s maybe in Star Log Magazine of Brigitte Neilson (Red Sonja-hell yeah!!) posing as She-Hulk for a possible movie! So I did a little searching online and sure enough I found the pic. I am kinda bummed that they never filmed it because I have a feeling that it would have been watched at our last “Bad Movie Night” with a pretty good response. It sounds like a good idea doesn’t it? The amazonian bombshell Neilson as the Sensational She-Hulk? Well here’s proof that comic books usually don’t translate well into live action movies…

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    Neilson as SHE-HULK. Wait isn’t She-Hulk supposed to be green?