I had to take a moment of your time here to get something off my chest that has been bothering me for a little while now. It seems lately that anytime I go to the theaters I am forced to sit through “I, Frankenstein” previews!! Anyone else notice that this trailer seems to have been playing before every fucking movie in the theater for like the past 6 months?! The first time I saw this pile of Franken-shit trailer it instantly made me angry! Seriously, “I, Frankenstein” is what I loathe most about modern cinema. It’s first and foremost a bit of a missed opportunity, as it could have been a cool campy little flick based on the comic.
However, this movie somehow manages to make “Van Helsing” look like a Sundance Film Festival Grand Jury prize winning drama! Aaron Eckhart as Frankenstein’s monster?! Why the fuck does he have stitches all over his face and body? He clearly wasn’t stitched together from other body parts-cuz he even though he’s sewn together he’s looks exactly like…….Aaron Eckhart!!
What the hell is up with Frankenstein’s Monster’s fashion too? Is he getting ready to model for an Urban Outfitters catalog?! Also it’s funny because it would seem that this highly attractive monster must have a 24 hour fitness membership too, yeah Frankie has been hitting the gym hard lately, because we all know that’s what monsters love doing with their spare time!!!
Lastly why the hell is Frankenstein trapped inside some bad PlayStation video game from 1999? Oh wait, that’s just the special effects! I thought I was watching the lost “third film” from The Lawnmower Man franchise! I just can’t stomach that something this stupid has made it to the big screen. I already feel that by seeing this trailer on repeated occasions that I’m somehow now suffering from some sort of permanent brain damage. This will be without a doubt be one of the WORST movies of 2014. I am fairly certain it will take the number one slot though with grace. If you pay to see this movie you better go see a shrink to discuss your what’s wrong with your brain. Phew…I feel better now…