Alright, I will admit it, I buy weird shit sometimes. Who doesn’t? You just see something on TV and it clicks with you. Like it is the long lost piece of your life and it will solve a good percentage of the problems that ale you. In fact, at times I pride myself in being the head of research and development for some of the crazy stuff out there. For example…the finger mouse, to replace your mouse on your computer, well that was not exactly a breakthrough product. So imagine my surprise when I came across this dandy…yeah, OSIM uCrown 2 Soothing Head Massager with Music.
I love how the website kicks off the intro to this revolutionary product, “Finally, a great scalp and head massager designed for home use”, wow…how did they read my mind? I’ve been looking for a great scalp and head massager designed for home use for years, you know something to replace my fingers, and the urge for me to give myself constant scalp and head massages. I believe my prayers have been answered.
But wait, there more! This is not just some run of the mill massage technology; this combines air pressure, vibration, magnetic, heat, and soothing music for the ultimate in head masturbation experience. The only thing this unit is missing is a free phrenology reading! Migraines got you down? Hell, slap this head torture contraption in place and let it go to town.
Now you might ask…but can I, the working person, afford such a luxury? Perhaps you are in luck, it can be yours today for the low price of $200. Your call on the price, if you are desperate for a great at home head massage, then this is a steal. Otherwise…$200? Christ man, I can buy a lot of comic books for that price! And for that price, you can’t even select your own music. You need to select from Wellbeing, Ambiance and Nature. For $200, you would think they could afford a 3.5 mm stereo audio jack so you could pipe in your own hits. Perhaps the music they provide has subliminal messages to keep you from returning the device, or hunting down Brookstone and trying to kill the douche that made this crap. Save this stuff for Delta’s Sky Mall catalog and infomercials, I am going to play it safe and save my hard earned dough.