“Never rub another man’s rhubarb.”
I was watching the 1989 Batman movie the other day, mainly as an attempt to convince myself that it’s actually another Prince movie (which is the reason I look forward to time travel. I will convince his Purple Majesty to make more), but instead I found myself enjoying it the way I did in the theater that summer as a nine year-old.
Following it up with Batman Returns, I reached a holy shit! type of epiphany: It hit me why I love these movies so much: They feel like comic books. The Joker, The Penguin, the Gotham City sets, the costumes. They were suspenseful but very comic-like. Dark in a way (Pee Wee dumping a child in a sewer at Christmas!), but also really comical (Pee Wee dumping a child in a sewer at Christmas).
This really got me thinking that Tim Burton needs to continue where he left off. He started something great that went on to become something like the comic-book equivalent of the mullet and more recently to the great, but all-too “real”. Batman doesn’t need to be fucking real, he’s Batman! The more I think about, the less I want his costumes and finances explained to me. Fuck Lucious Fox and Research and Development (But let’s keep Morgan Freeman in it somewhere) and dog-resistant kevlar. Why do we even need to know that stuff?
Anyway, I want Michael Keaton back – yeah, I know, he’s probably too aged at this point but Harrison Ford was 60 when he did Star Wars and look how he’s doing!! Maybe at Dark Knight Returns type story would work for Michael today? Let’s get Tim Burton directing, Sam Hamm writing it, Keaton back in the rubber and let’s get the always welcome, Bill Dee Williams back as D.A. Harvey Dent. Plus think of all the great roles Burton mainstays like Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp could pull off!
No more Christian Bale. Seriously. I want someone who looks like Bruce Wayne, less smirk, more grimace. No more chase scenes through the streets of Chicago, but instead chases through bizarre sets like sewer-zoos and axis chemical factory. C’mon back Tim, you did it best!