Hey it’s time to look back on all of the horror films i saw in theatres or released on dvd in 2008 and decide which ones were the coolest! Keep in mind i have not yet seen “Let the Right One In” yet or “Splinter” which i hear were pretty rad-so it’s very possible those could enter the top 10. So let’s get down to business!!!
10. The Cottage: This was a surprisingly great horror comedy starring Andy Serkis (LOTR’s Golem). A cool gory fast paced tale of 2 criminals buffoons who kidnap the daughter of an underground kingpin holding her for ransom in a cottage in the farmland. What ensues is a comedic bloodbath when they realize they’re tresspassing on a hulking mutated rednecks land. Fans of “Shaun of the Dead” and “Severance” will be all over this one. A fun gory romp!
9. Eden Lake: This is one of those horror flicks i normally don’t like. The kind that can actually happen to you! But this one had me so far on the edge of my seat i nearly pissed my pants 2 dozen times! This one is about a couple who take a vacation to a quarry on a weekend and run into a group of wise-ass kids. Only these kids go completely psycho when the couple kills their dog in a confrontation that gets out of hand. The rest of the movie is a violent, extremely brutal, nerve pinching game of cat and mouse that will leave you thinking twice before telling some annoying brats to “get bent” at the beach. Don’t watch this alone!
8. Botched: This is another great horror comedy starring Stephen Dorff whom i like to remember as the whiny kid from the 80’s classic “The Gate”. Dorff plays Richie Donovan, a down on his luck professional thief who is sent to Russia to steal a valuable relic locked in a safe on the floor of a Moscow skyscraper. During the robbery, there is a change of plans. Richie and his accomplices take hostages and try to escape in elevator which winds up on the mysterious 13th floor. Things start to get crazy as the body count rises. Soon they realize they are trapped by there in the lair of religious psychopaths. It’s a bloody fun ride full of laugh out loud humor and grotesque action. Campy as hell-grab a 6 pack before viewing this one!
7. Cloverfield: I really don’t have to say much about this one because i know you all saw it. All i can say is that it made the idea of Godzilla a hell of alot scarier and the scene in the subway was freaky as hell! This one lived up to the hype!
6. Them: Ok this one is like a scarier version of “The Strangers” (which was pretty damn freaky in it’s own right and almost made my list). Forget about gore or monsters to freak you out. This movie has almost no plot. Basically an evening with a french couple staying in a mansion alone-sounds romantic huh? No way-you better buy a pair of “Depends” adult diapers before putting this dvd in! It’s all about what you don’t see that will scare the pants off of you. Who or what is outside is the question and what does it want? Or better yet why does it make that damn creepy ass noise?! Get ready to stay awake with your louisville slugger tucked next your pillow all night after you see this one! If you want to be stressed the HELL out then this one is for you!
5. The Orphanage: Brought to you by Guillermo Del Toro (though not the director of this one) this movie is the perfect ghost story! Reminding me a bit of “The Devil’s Backbone” this one is a 10 on the “creepy” scale. An intellegent horror film set in Spain has two things going for it- one, it’s set in a creepy orphanage and two, in that orphanage is a creepy ass poltergeist boy who walks around with a potato sack tied around his head!! See this film now! Just hope you don’t run into the kid from the movie when you’re up at 3 AM in the morning taking a pee!
4. My Name is Bruce: You can check out the review i wrote about this rad movie a day or two ago on this blog or you can just take my word on it right now that you will love it. Remember how rad Bubba Ho-Tep was? Well he’s done it again. Funny as hell. Starring Bruce Campell as himself. He fights a Chinese samurai monster who protects bean curd. Nuff said.
3. Hellboy 2: This is another one that i know everyone saw (if you didn’t you’re a fool and need to wash your mouth out with soap and lock yourself in a closet with Al Roker). I would have put this as number one but it’s technically not a true horror flick. But it’s done by Guillermo Del Toro and has the most cool monsters to ever be put in one damn movie! Plus action, fantasy and humor. This film was maybe the best of all the summer blockbusters but what it really proved to me was that ol’ Guillermo is completely ready to make the best damn version of the Hobbit! I can’t wait.
2. REC / Quarantine: Ok if you have NOT seen “Quarantine” yet and are planning to you need take my little bit of advice. See the original version from Spain called “REC”. This movie will have you in cardiac arrest! Don’t get me wrong, the US version “Quarantine” was good but it does not hold a candle to the rush of pure adrenaline you will feel when you watch REC. The plot is that a news crew, along with a group of fireman, enter a apartment complex and are trapped inside with some sort of virus that makes people completely lose their damn minds and attack you like rabid banshee chickens! To make matters worse the crew find out they are barred in by the police and if they even try to escape they will be shot on sight. Things get way out of control in this extremly fast paced brutal horror classic. If you like being scared for real hunt this spanish version down-if you can’t find it then definately check out Quarantine as it’s a pretty nice substitute and has “Dexter’s sister(from the amazing HBO show)” in it as the main heroine….
1. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer: i am going to have to say this was the coolest horror flick of 2008!!! Because it was like going back in time to watch a lost horror classic from the 80’s!! Ok cool premise too-Jack Brooks is a plumber, who’s parents and sister were slaughtered by a Forest Troll on a camping trip when he was just a boy. There he watched them get torn apart and then ran away in fear. Well something didn’t sit right with him as he grew older, he has some serious regrets from that evening and some even bigger anger management issues and no matter what the shrinks tell him he just can’t stop with his aggressive bad attitude. Now enter Robert Englund in one of his best most hilarious perfromances in years. Englund plays Jack’s night school science teacher and when he moves into a creepy mansion up on the hills things begin to get a pretty crazy as he is taken over by a demonic force that slowly transforms him into….well you guessed it a monster! Watching him try to teach his class as he progressively become more vile every day is comedic genius. I don’t want to give away too much but let’s just say that Jack gets his chance to finally make up for leaving his parents to be ripped to shreds as a boy by facing once again some real life monsters! What makes this movie so damn good is the feel of it – using no CG, all the monsters are right out of an 80’s horror flick (as the movie opens you’ll get what i am talking about)! It seems some people out there really do miss that genre and realize that most of the time cg monsters end up looking more like Roger Rabbit than anything even remotely real or scary. Using full latex suits, animatronics and puppets they made this one an instant classic. The final transformation of Englund at the end alone makes this a must see. So yeah if you you wish you could catch a lost horror flick from the 80’s ala Evil Dead then go check this out! i only hope there is a sequel!!!
p.s. check out the directors first movie “BEHIND THE MASK: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon” another AWESOME film!
Honorable mentions “Baby Blues” , “The Strangers”, “Shrooms” and “Dance of the Dead”.
The Worst of 2008: PROM NIGHT-avoid this movie at all costs. Viewing it will actually make you less intellegent and you will LOSE brain cells that will not be replaced!! yes it is THAT bad.
Biggest Disappointments: “Lost Boys 2- The Tribe” – don’t worry though next to Prom Night it feels like it could win an Academy Award! Oh and “Feast 2” – did you really just make a movie that bad after making one of the best horror flicks ever? What gives?!