Universal Dork

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Universal Dork Weighs in on “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”!

May 8, 2014

Alright so there are a bout a billion reviews up online everywhere about the Amazing Spider-man 2, so I’m not going to spend a whole lot of energy here on this one. The movie really doesn’t need another review or any more hype at this point, but what the hell it’s my blog and I shelled out a Fandango gift card on it! Ok, so first let me state that my expectations weren’t very high for this one as I wasn’t a real big fan of the first flick. As I always do though, I try my best to go into a movie with an open mind. Besides this is Spidey we’re talking here, a guy I’ve loved dearly since being a lil’ whipper snapper!

I’m thinking now, that maybe if I’d seen this one as a little kid maybe my mind would have been blown. The Amazing Spider-man 2 is a huge ass movie. Two hundred million dollar budget. It’s close to two and a half hours long. It’s loud, flashy and jam packed with intertwining story lines. That’s my first problem with it, there’s too much going on. There’s too many subplots. The movie goes on a few too many tangents and then decides to go on a few more after that. Sony is clearly trying set up more movies (ala The Avengers syndrome) from this one and honestly it didn’t have a smooth flow to what should have been a nice tight knit compelling story.

Which leads me to my second problem, the writing. Spider-man 2 suffers from some seriously terd-tastic writing. Everything from Peter Parker’s stale on again off again relationship, to Paul Giamatti’s corny ass Rhino, to the awful Jamie Foxx Electro to Harry Osborn’s overnight meltdown. They’ve really managed to create some paper thin excuses for people to turn into supervillains these days. Foxx did his best with what he was given, but his dialogue was painful to watch and his reasoning for going evil was just plain uninspired. There was nothing believable about his character, I felt absolutely nothing for him nor cared of his motivations. His entire existence in the movie was rather idiotic to say the least.

Then we have The new Green Goblin, played by Dane Dehaan. He did quite a fine job in the role and clearly he’s got the acting chops. However his character’s motivations were also pretty flimsy. His all too quick transformation from good guy into an evil raving lunatic was a bit ridiculous. The prison scene where he recruits Electro to help him break into Oscorp was one of the worst team up moments I’ve ever seen on screen or in the comics. “You need ME? You need ME?!” Also I might note that once again I wasn’t a fan of the Goblin’s look onscreen. Sorry I just can’t get behind that robotic body armor schtick. It just well…sucks!

Lastly the action scenes, which there actually really weren’t that many of, were decently executed, but really took me out of the movie. It’s like watching a live action movie suddenly turn into Toy Story 2. The CGI in this flick was great, if the whole movie had been done that way (which they maybe should consider doing) and the last final Electro battle looked straight out of an Xbox game with not a real human actor in sight for at least over five minutes. No thank you. If I wanna watch a video game I’ll go play one at home.

On a good note I have grown to kinda like Garfield as Spidey. He’s a good actor and really did put his heart and soul into what he was given to work with. He’s a more convincing Spider-man, who’s really grown into the part. If someone could get a good script for a Spider-man film it’d be golden with him as Peter Parker. However what we get once again is an even more bloated, glittery, mindless mess of a summer blockbuster. That’s not to say I hated it, but I wouldn’t want to see it again. I like seeing images of Spider-man on a screen in front of me, but at best that’s about as far as this movie appeals to me. Oh yeah and what the fuck was that lame ass mid credit X-men advertisement?! The movie was called “The Amazing Spider-man 2” not “X-men: Days of Future Past” last time I checked….that was a low blow. Don’t do that again. Can we just hurry up on that Avengers sequel already?!!
Let’s Appreciate Bill Sienkiewicz on his Birthday!

May 3, 2014

Today is Bill Sienkiewicz’s Birthday and it’s as good a reason as any to celebrate the man’s existence as one of the best comic book artists of all time! To say his artwork is unique would probably be the biggest understatement you could come up with in the comic book universe. His jagged, frantic and often abstract work is unmistakable. Whenever you’d get a comic book cover or let alone an entire issue filled with his artwork you always knew you were in for a treat.

His work became a staple in the early 80’s where he drew black and white back up stories of Moon Knight in The Incredible Hulk magazine size comic books. He continued on with some of his most famous work for titles like The New Mutants and the legendary Elektra: Assassin miniseries amongst many others. So happy birthday Bill! Thanks for the incredibly original art all these years-Here’s hoping for much more of it in 2014! Here are a few of my personal favorite pieces of his comic book art!
What If The Spider-man Movie had Real Stunts? Check This Out!

May 1, 2014

The Amazing Spider-man 2 is coming at us this weekend and though I’m going to see it I wouldn’t say so it looks like anything truly amazing. Another shiny Hollywood Blockbuster overflowing with glittery video game style CGI and extremely limited real life stunt work.

This pic really has nothing to do with this post-I just think it’s rad seeing 1970’s Spidey on a skateboard.

But what if suddenly Hollywood wised up a bit? What if they decided to use CGI only where necessary to enhance imagery and went with some actual real choreography to put together the action sequences for everyone’s favorite webhead? Well this recent video of parkour master Ronnie Shalvis will certainly prove that Spider-man doesn’t need to be a largely CG character in his action sequences. Of course you’ll never see something this cool in a Spider-man flick these days, check out what Spider-man might really look like in a real world setting doing real stunts…it’s breathtaking!

Check out the behind the scenes video-normally I’m not a fan of drones, but I’m totally cool with them being utilized this way!
The Most Awesome Remote Controlled Robot Spider Ever!

May 1, 2014

Wow, talk about cool shit, check out this incredible little video featuring the Robugtix remote controlled Spider! This thing is beyond cool and it better be for $2950.00! Think about how much fun you could have with this thing at night time on a side walk – seriously creeping out any passerby.

Someday when I’m rich blogger I’ll get one of my own, in the meantime I’ll have to just watch the videos- check it out!!
Handmade Monsters From Portland Oregon!

April 28, 2014

I had to take a moment here to share with you a little something awesome I stumbled upon recently! Being a giant fan of anything and everything monsters it was to my surprise to pleasantly find out about Nightmerriment!

Nightmerriment is a one man operation out of Portland Oregon run by Matthew Hopkins. Hopkins is a puppet/monster maker and his creations are incredibly creepy, cute and fierce all at the same time. I guess when I first got a glance of his work I pictured him working in the Jim Henson Workshop, putting together monster puppets for movies like The Dark Crystal or Labyrinth. Self described as monster art somewhere between sculpture and puppetry, his creations look like they could come to life at any moment despite being showcased like taxidermy on wooden mounts.

Most of his creations from what I understand are for sale, so in fact we all could own a little creature of our own! Hipsters aren’t the only thing found in Portland these days, now we’ve finally got something real cool to brag about-hand made Monsters!

Check it out and Nightmerriment’s facebook page and follow his creations!
The Walking Dead #126 – My Final Thoughts on “All Out War”!

April 24, 2014

Ok first off let me tell you there’s SPOILERS here, so if you aren’t caught up with the series stop reading now! Ok then, yesterday I read the final chapter of the “All Out War” twelve issue story arc of The Walking Dead. First I am going to state that the finale did not go the way I predicted it would which is actually a good thing. However, it seems to me that the series is stuck in the mud at this point. It has been for a while I think. This finale didn’t really offer up any real excitement, what I did predict was that Rick’s slicing of Negan’s throat in in issue #125 was certainly not going to be fatal. I enjoyed the fact that Rick is letting Negan live and trying to push the world in a better direction, trying to fix the mistakes the previous world made with war, revenge and killing. Very admirable Rick. However now that he has Negan as a prisoner that means that we’re going to have to have that character around for even longer!

I’ve heard from many people that Negan is their favorite character, that “he’s like the greatest villain to ever grace the pages of a comic book”. To me he’s unbelievable, annoying and just not that interesting. So I guess now what we’re most likely going to see is the gradual change of Negan from a villain into a part of the crew. I am guessing that he’s going to develop into some sort of anti-hero. That being said, where can Kirkman really take this series? Are we going to meet another Negan/Governor? I’d say that’s likely. To me though that’s also a bit boring.

I’d like to see this book go in some new directions dammit! Let’s face some new threats that aren’t a bunch of asshole humans, add some mystery to the book, search for other people in other parts of the world-I mean isn’t anyone interested in what might be happening elsewhere on another continent? Wouldn’t finding a plane be a priority? Or chartering a boat? I’m just not that interested in seeing Rick become the next President of the USA!! What do you think? Are you all satisfied with the direction the book has been stuck on?
The Incredible Hulk’s Vintage Commercial Career!

April 17, 2014

Did I mention before how much I love The Incredible Hulk?

Well it all started back in my childhood and I had to take a quick moment here to post a few new old vintage Hulk commercials from back in the day! The first is a cool one featuring Lou Ferrigno and the second is just a great late 1970’s Hulk “Rage Cage” Commercial! Enjoy!!

Rage Cage!!

Lastly the amazing Incredible Hulk Sega Genesis game from 1994-I forgot how RAD this one was-I need to play this again ASAP!!
For Fans of John Carpenter’s “The Thing”!

April 17, 2014

I decided last night to re-watch the more recent prequel/re-boot “The Thing” from 2011 as I thought I may have been too tough on it the first go round. What I discovered is that it was even less impressive the second time. This is due mainly to some rather crappy CG which replaced Studio ADI’s incredible practical monster effects they crafted for the movie. Many were outraged by the fact that their work was CG’d over and with good reason. Had the movie stuck with the original footage it may have made it the perfect companion piece to the Carpenter version, one of my all time favorite movies ever. Anyway it made me long for a real inventive monster movie, I’ve already stated how excited I am for Harbinger Down, which is the upcoming monster movie from the team who’s practical fx were replaced for The Thing reboot. The movie boasts to be a full on showcase for the power of practical monster effects in the age of CG. However there still isn’t a trailer! Hurry it up guys!

Well luckily us fans of The Thing have another movie to look forward to that’s set to release. Blood Glacier, an awesome looking monster movie from Austria set to release May 2nd here in the USA boasts similar claims to Harbinger Down. This one claims to utilize some amazing practical monster effects as well with a little tasteful CG thrown in for good measure. The plot sound quite intriguing as well and carries a message regarding our environment, which is basically to stop fucking with it! Check out the synopsis and the rad trailer!

“The gates of hell are made of ice in this tense horror thriller paying homage to The Thing and Assault on Precinct 13. Four technicians and scientists at an alpine research station discover a glacier of blood high in the mountains. Testing the red liquid oozing from the ice, they discover a new alien organism with the astonishing capability of transforming the local wildlife into horrific hybrids and monster mutations. With the Minister of the Environment hiking to the station for an official visit, many frightening questions must be answered if the confrontational team are to survive and cope with the giant wood lice, the beetle-foxes, crossbred flying predators and much, much worse…”
Whatever Happened to H.E.R.B.I.E. the Robot?!

April 1, 2014

Well the one good thing about having your own blog is that you can shamelessly hype your own shit! In this day and age of the internet let’s face it, it’s hard to get anyone to help you get the word out there on your own projects. So as you may or may not know, my musical alter ego is Mister Saturday, the first and as far as I know ONLY nerdcore reggae dancehall artist. I’ve been cranking out these ridiculous songs for years now, singing or toasting (as a Jamaican might call it) which is essentially rapping about the kind of stuff I want to hear in a reggae song. Stuff like Star Trek, The Incredible Hulk, Land of the Lost, Three’s Company, Godzilla, D&D and comic books. Basically stuff that you would never hear a reggae artist sing about ever, past or present.

Being a big fan of reggae since I was a kid in the 80’s I decided it was time to make these type of songs myself, whether anyone liked it or not. So, this brings me to my latest song, I wrote over a popular Swedish dancehall riddim about H.E.R.B.I.E. the Robot. I realize most people probably don’t even remember Herbie the Robot, but in the 1970’s he replaced The Human Torch on the animated series!

They actually thought The Human Torch was bad for children because they thought kids might try and light themselves on fire to emulate the character! So we got good ol’ Herbie instead! Well he kinda disappeared after that series, so I decided to find out where he went! Check it!
Fessenden’s ‘Beneath’ Will Make You Fear…The Catfish?!

March 30, 2014

What’s there to be afraid of in a little lake out in the woods? Beavers? Muskies? Snapping Turtles maybe? Well “Beneath”, which was just released on dvd this last week brings some horror to the little fresh water lakes of the United States! I really enjoyed this little creature feature directed by Larry Fessenden, it’s got a lot more going on that just a vicious fish. The story revolves around a group of recent high school graduates as they head off for a night to camp and party down on some land one of their families have access to. It seems from the start there’s more than meets the eye a foot as it’s clear one of the teenagers has some sort of knowledge that the lake they are headed to has something beneath the surface that’s to be feared.

So we end up with six teens in a rowboat headed across the a small lake in the middle of the woods. The trip across turns into a fight for survival, not only from a vicious man sized fresh water fish but also against each other. That’s where the film gets really interesting, after their boat is damaged and begins sinking it seems it’s everyone for themselves. I enjoyed this also because it’s setting reminded me a lot of places where I grew up in Wisconsin in the north woods and would spend summers. This ones got a few nice twists and turns too and makes you question just how you might deal with something similar.

The monster was also well done, with no CG, which helped make this little film feel all that much more real. The fish actually looked like something that might even possibly exist in some small lake in the middle of nowhere. Like some kinda freak giant catfish or something. Using digital effects here may have really ruined the mood and realism of the situation. The fish actually moves and acts like a real fish, it’s not lightning fast it’s just a giant fresh water fish! So props to Fessenden for keeping it old school while also keeping the atmosphere nice and creepy. Something he’s a master of. So check this out, it may not be the next Jaws, but it feels all too real in the same way!