Universal Dork

Blood Glacier: An Old School Style Creature Feature!

September 8, 2014

I’ve been looking forward to “Blood Glacier” now for quite a while, anything that boasts similarities to John Carpenter’s “The Thing” is always on the top of my lists of flicks I’ve just gotta see. This neat little Austrian film is a pretty fun, gory, watch and really feels like it could’ve been made in the 80’s. It’s plot has the same type of vibe as ‘The Thing’ as we have a small band of researchers up in the mountains doing research on the effects of global warming and how it’s affecting wildlife. It doesn’t take long to figure out that something sinister is lurking around the mountain sides here, especially when they discover a giant glacier that’s oozing a strange red liquid from within. Soon the team discover that weird mutant hybrid animals are wandering close to their station and what’s worse is that they’re hungry and pissed off! Yipee!!

This movie has some great characters, in fact the main characters are what really make this one shine.Plus one grumpy older female bad ass scientist even shout’s out one of my favorite movie lines I’ve heard in a long time- “stop eating that banana while you’re crying!!” I had to watch that part a few times! Best ever. I was thinking the same thing right when she screamed that one out! I loved the atmosphere of it all too, a serious sense of dread lingers throughout and the creatures are also pretty inventively savage. I wouldn’t put them on the same level as “The Thing” but for almost entirely practical effects this one made the most of it’s smaller budget.

Much of the monster action here is most effective by what you don’t see and the sounds heard these mutants create while on the attack. I was hoping to be dazzled by the practical effects just a tad more and really could have seen a bit more CG being used to the films benefit? I rarely say that and I guess they kept the vision pretty well focused and consistent, I was just hoping to get a better full view of some of these monstrosities. This one does play like a cool lost 1980’s creature feature and i say that in the best way. You get some cool hybrid creatures, mutated mountain goats, killer mosquitos, mutant hawls and weird insect fox hybrids and one gory ass operation sequence! This one makes me even more pumped to see “Harbinger Down” which is another upcoming Monster movie also boasting no CGI by special effects wizard Alec Gillis and crew. In the mean time check out Blood Glacier, you can watch it on Netflix streaming to get your monster on!

Here’s a little glimpse into some of the monster making:
Comic Book Cover of the Week: Beware of The Vermin!!!

September 6, 2014

Everyone knows that Kraven’s Last Hunt is a simply incredible Spider-man tale but what I love about it also is the the role The Vermin plays in it all! Let’s face it-the Vermin is a totally freaky and awesome villain who never gets the respect he truly deserves! Maybe it’s because he chooses to spend all of his time the schleppin’ around sewers with his rat minions! This cover from 1987 also drawn by Mike Zeck really does justice to this creepy ass character. Just the atmosphere of the filthy corroded sewer, the dripping pipes and of course the brilliant image of Spidey in his classic black costume just adds to the horror of it all. Just posting this is making realize I need to dig this series out of my comic box and read it again!! One of the best ever…this cover kinda makes me wonder if Neil Marshall got some inspiration for “The Descent” the spelunking horror masterpiece from this here cover?!

The Vermin in all of his disgusting glory!
Alex Maleev Takes on Hellboy!!

September 5, 2014

December can’t come quick enough! The new series from Dark Horse called Hellboy & The B.P.R.D. is on the top of my list for comic books I’m totally pumped about! It’s cool already to know that Hellboy’s early adventures with the B.P.R.D. will finally be told in detail, it’s great news to know John Arcudi will be joining Mignola as writer on the series, but what’s got me even more pumped is Alex Maleev joining as the series artist! Maleev has been a favorite of mine ever since the amazing Bendis run on Daredevil-if you’ve never read that stuff you are missing out bigtime. I love the current run of B.P.R.D. but I often wish for the return of Hellboy & Abe Sapien to the team. It looks like my wish is coming true, here’s a few pic’s that have me excited about this book!

Here’s some panels from the only other Maleev Hellboy, a short story called “Still Born”

And the synopsis for the new series first arc sounds top notch…

“A bizarre series of murders and rumors of something worse lead Professor Bruttenholm to send a young Hellboy to a Brazilian village on his first mission. Hellboy and a small group of agents uncover something terrible in the shadows of a sixteenth-century Portuguese fortress . . .”
Erista: The Last Mysterious Thing About Wolverine!!

September 4, 2014

With all of this talk about the death of Wolverine lately it’s got many people debating the true motivations behind Marvel’s decision to “off” him. Some people think it’s a dick move by Marvel to screw over Fox for having the rights to the character theatrically. Others think more to the obvious, that Wolverine has been turned into a boring, over exploited, cash-cow character by Marvel. As I said yesterday, he was once the most mysterious character perhaps in comic book history. There’s not much left to the imagination anymore regarding Logan, not many interesting stones left unturned in his past. However I’d like to bring to light something that we touched upon a few years back here that’s quite interesting. Logan’s other son “Erista”! Nope we’re not talking about that brat Daken. We’re talking about another kid that “dead beat dad” Logan has running around the Savage Land! Many people forget about a one shot by Mike Mignola called “The Jungle Adventure” from 1989.

This saw Wolverine escaping his troubles in the Savage Land, because back in the 1980’s when Wolverine was interesting he’d do cool shit like this. There he met an amazonian woman named Ghack and they got busy right there in the Jungle, of course this happened when Wolverine was still a rad dude before he started hanging out at the Avengers mansion with Tony Stark drinking cocktails. So Ghack has a child named Erista, son of Wolverine. Of course Wolverine splits and never checks back to see if he got Ghack pregnant, maybe not such a cool move, but well I guess that’s how he rolled back then.

Strangely we have never seen or heard from Erista or Ghack since! Nope just this one issue ever addresses the issue. It’s hard to believe that Marvel hasn’t exploited the living shit outta his long lost son by now! I say with Wolverine soon to kick the bucket we finally get the scoop on this guy! What the hell has he been up to? Is he still roaming around the Savage Land? Perhaps he’s a character we’ve already met-who’s simply unaware that Logan is his father? Shouldn’t he meet his douchey brother Daken one of these days? I think this is a missed opportunity Marvel-you could cash in big time with Erista! At the very least it’s something that legitimately remains one of the last truly mysterious things about Wolverine’s past…

So that baby is Wolverine’s son Erista, we’ve never seen or heard anything about him since 1989-what the hell happened to this guy?!!
The Death of Wolverine #1: Review

September 3, 2014

The deaths of major comic book characters have been a big trend for a long time. It usually happens when a major character becomes boring. We all know that boring most likely means that the character has been over exploited, to make money and finally because we’ve seen them so often every month in multiple titles that they just get stale. They become a weak, pale version of what used to make them so cool. Usually sales decline and comic companies start trying to figure out new ways to make the character popular again, one of the ways to generate some excitement again is to “kill” the character. This will get news online, in papers and probably on tv and generate interest and interest means dollars. This is what has happened to our once mysterious, mean mutant berzerker, Wolverine.

Let me first say, Wolverine used to be the coolest damn character ever. He was mysterious, he was a loner, he hung out at bars and got wasted, he killed people and he didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought about him. His past was a mystery and we all so desperately wanted to know who he was. Over the years his popularity grew, he was in movies, a ton of cartoons and was in dozens of comic books every month. His past was over explained, and what we all found out about him didn’t quite measure up to what we had hoped for. He was no longer a loner, he became headmaster at Xavier’s school, he appeared in dozens of X-titles. He even joined the god damn Avengers! Wolverine was officially corporate in every way. He started hanging out with Captain America for crying out loud-taking orders from SHIELD etc, ect! Everyone’s fav mutant was no longer mysterious, he was drawn more as a handsome, dashing superhero instead of a mean little hairy runt with fucked up weird ass hair. Wolverine was officially boring. A tough thing to accomplish honestly.

So now here we are, Marvel is trying the whole “Death” stunt with Logan. Let’s face it people, you have nothing to fear. Wolverine is not really dead. He’s worth too much money. Marvel does want us to miss the guy though. So I figure he’ll be gone for about a year and we’ll see him pop back up in some really ridiculous way(this will again maybe make some more money-the return of Wolverine!). But for the moment let’s just let ourselves be shocked-okay? So issue number one is actually quite impressive I must say. It’s a pretty neat little story here that’s bound to get incredibly brutal and bloody by it’s finish. Steve McNiven is easily one of my favorite current comic book artists and his work shines here.

The story is quite simple. Wolverine has lost his healing factor, he’s hiding out and there’s a bounty on his head. It seems that super powered killers are hot on his trail and the first real threat to arrive is Nuke, the star spangled psycho, who’s dead set on collecting some big time money. What we get here is a no holds barred classic Wolverine story, much like the ones I used to love as a teenager. There’s a pretty amazingly brutal sequence when Nuke and Wolverine go head to head, and I mean that literally that you’re not likely to forget any time soon. I’m on board with this one as it looks and feels much like the stories that they should have been telling all along.

I’m also looking forward to his return to Madripoor(hinted at the end of the issue), as well as seeing who else shows up to take out Wolverine. Razorfist? Wildchild? Bloodscream? Lady Deathstrike? Omega Red? I only hope it’s not Sabretooth. That guy should have stayed dead, having him kill Wolverine might be a little to cliche, though it’s certainly a strong possibility after reading issue number one. Let’s hope when they do bring Logan back from the dead, and they will, they give him one solo and one X-men book to star in. Use Logan wisely and make him more of what he used to be before. A lone wolf.

Lastly my complaints!! Okay this issue is $4.99, infact the other Marvel title I bought today was $4.99 as well, if this becomes the going rate of new weekly comic books I’m fucking outta here. This issue, though quite enjoyable was pretty thin on story. The panels keep getting bigger most pages only contain four panels, some three, some two and several full pagers. It’s got a two page splash as well.

This issue took me about five minutes to read. It looks thick, but it’s full of “Extras” a ton of random panel sketches, the “directors cut” which narrates what McNiven is supposed to draw each panel and five page interview with Co-creator Len Wein. Basically a bunch of stuff that should have been put online for free. For $4.99 an issue these comic book companies better bring MORE to the table. More story, bigger page count, and maybe smaller panels. This should have been a double sized issue. I think it’s time for the big two to pony up and give us readers more bang for our buck! I can’t afford FIVE dollar comic books every week nor do I want to spend that on any new comic book. What do you think?
Snowpiercer: The Best Science Fiction Flick of the Year?!

August 31, 2014

I may be late to the party with this one, but I got to see Snowpiercer last night in the theater finally! It’s one helluva flick and I’d really expect nothing less from Boon Joon-ho who also directed the amazing monster movie “The Host” years ago. For one I love movies that take place on trains but this one is certainly not your average adventure on the tracks! This wild ride takes place years after a chemical is released into the atmosphere to solve climate change problems on the Earth, instead it turns the planet into a frigid ball of ice and one man builds his ultimate dream, a fast moving train to house the existing survivors of the ice age. The only problem is that the rich survivors live a lavish life far at the front and the poor are jam packed like sardines to live in filth in the back tail end cars, suffering from brutality and starvation from their higher ups. This situation could only last for so long before a revolt is planned by the poor box car rebels who are lead by none other than Chris “Captain America” Evans, who’s nearly unrecognizable in the role.

Evans finally really gets a chance to prove he’s far more than a Marvel superhero delivering an excellent performance filled with real emotion. I also have to mention his role in this movie is far more ass kicking than anything you’re likely to get from a Disney Marvel movie. It really made me see him in a whole new light and judging from the film’s nearly flawless critical reception it was clearly a great move for him. Cudos to Evans for taking the role.

We’ve got an incredible adventure here, that in a way really has something to say about the divide today between the rich and the poor, all taking place on huge, high speed train that travels continuously across the globe with no plans of ever stopping in fear of the icy otherworld. It’s a crazy idea as the people aboard the Snowpiercer refer to the train as “the world”. What’s most interesting is seeing Evans and his crew fight their way through each car and with each the decor changing and changing dramatically. It’s some of the most stunning visuals I’ve seen in recent times and gives the perfect backdrop to this breath taking tale.

I’ve got to mention the role of Song Kang-ho who’s a personal fave of mine from many other flicks. He plays the ass kicking, drug addict who almost steals the show himself and Tilda Swinton’s villainous role is one that you’re not likely to forget anytime soon either. This movie will also make you look at “protein bars” and forst bite in a whole new light. Bottom line here is you need to go check this out asap, it’s one of the best movies of the year and I hope it busts the door wide open for Boon Joon-ho here in the USA, we need more movies with amazing original ideas like this on the big screen hitting the major theaters, it’s a shame this one got such a small limited release…
Comic Book Cover of the Week! More of Mike Zeck’s Amazing Cap Cover Art!

August 30, 2014

I personally think that the best Captain America artist of all time is hands down Mike Zeck! Pretty much his whole run on the title in the 80’s features some of the coolest Cap covers of all time, issue #276 is a great example of a great comic book cover! The perspective, the colors are all equally impressive and the comic book itself is a ton of fun! This classic cover features Cap battling some of Baron Zemo’s androids! Is there any way we can get Zeck on board for some current Cap stuff?!
Will The Expendables Finally Head to the Retirement Home?!

August 25, 2014

This last weekend I checked out the latest installment of The Expendables, it was just like the first two, a damn good time in the theater. Simple premise and action packed to the brim, like the many action movies of the 1980’s. I remain a bigger fan of the second movie among the three but I’d be down for another chapter, but will anyone else line up for one? I noticed the theater was nearly empty, though I did see the movie in a smaller town up in the north woods of Wisconsin. Still I had this feeling that perhaps the movie was destined to flop. Flop it did, but they are blaming this failure on a leaked version of the movie that hit online some time ago.

Part of me wonders though if the formula is as charming as it once was? Sure part 3 was a fun time, but it was also a bit of a replay of the first two, with the exception of some of the younger Expendables added to the cast. I also seem to think that Mel Gibson, though he did a good job as the villain, may in part be responsible for the film flopping. Every time he appeared on screen all I could do is cringe. It seems that no one is ready for Gibson to step into the spotlight after all of his bullshit over the years, even if he ends up getting his ass kicked by Stallone in the end.

So is this the end of the mighty Expendables? I think it very well could be. I really can’t see being too incredibly excited about the same old same old again in yet another movie. What really needs to happen here if the franchise does by chance continue on is a genre switch. It should be jam packed with action, but we really need to see something interesting happening with the plot if this is going to generate any excitement at all again. This was on the table for the third flick when they were tossing around new plot lines, they had one in particular which raised a lot of eyebrows. It involved the Expendables going up against some sort of creature or mutated super soldier. A sort of Predator-esque style sci-fi monster movie starring our favorite 80’s bad asses. I was thrilled at the possibility!

Stallone has owned the film rights to the novel “Hunter” by James Byron Huggins for about 10 years now and never managed to make a film. I say it’s time to get the team together to fight some creatures which is exactly what “Hunter” is all about. I think it’s time to trim down the fat of the team for the next flick, and what better way than getting rid of some of the Expendables by way of a mutant monster picking them off! Keep the crowd pleasers, like Stallone, Statham, Lungren and Arnold, add a couple new guys like Jackie Chan, Pierce Brosnan, Roddy Piper & Hulk Hogan.

Here’s the official synopsis of “Hunter” can’t you picture this as the 4th installment?

“Nathaniel Hunter (or Barney Ross) could track anyone, or anything, on Earth. Now the military desperately needs him for a mission that his ultra sensitive instincts tell him he should refuse. A beast is loose somewhere north of the Arctic Circle. It has already decimated a secret research facility and annihilated a squad of elite military guards. And the raging creature is headed south toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation. It is a job Hunter cannot turn down, but he soon discovers that his prey is terror incarnate, a half-human abomination created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed genetic experiments. It has man’s cunning, a predator’s savageness, and a prehistoric power that has transcended the ages. And even if Hunter survives its unrelenting hunger for human blood, he will still have to confront the grim reality that it may have grown immortal.”

Keep the plot simple but give us something different and exciting. It is the perfect recipe for an ensemble action movie. If there is is any hope for the old guys it’s going to come in the shape of something new thats melds a different genre to the formula…..make it happen Stallone!!
Sweethaven: The Real Life Popeye Village! RIP Robin..

August 12, 2014

It was very sad news yesterday hearing of the passing of Robin Williams, in a weird way he felt like he was a friend though i never met him. He seemed like a kind soul and it’s always so sad when someone takes their own life. When I was a child just six years old my mother took me to see the Popeye movie, Robin’s first starring role. I had already been a HUGE fan of Popeye as a child and seeing Williams brings him to life was truly a memory for me that I still cherish. I remember the day perfectly still. So last night I decided I would put on my Popeye dvd and it’s still just as charming in 2014.

One thing that I noticed again that simply amazed me was the setting and the sets that were used on this film. It’s such an incredibly beautiful landscape and the actual village that Popeye lands in is simply one of the most unique film settings I have ever seen. It dawned on me, what should have been very obvious, that the village of Sweethaven as it’s called in the movie must have been a real place! This was not a CGI creation and today you would most likely never see something like this in any movie. What’s more impressive is that this place was created by a film crew!

Here’s some info from Amusing Planet:

“When Walt Disney and Paramount Pictures decided to make a movie based on the popular cartoon strip Popeye, the production team picked the opened faced Anchor Bay in the north-west corner of the Mediterranean island of Malta, two miles from the village of Mellieħa, as location for Popeye’s fictional village of Sweethaven.

Construction of the film set started in June 1979. A construction crew of 165 worked over seven months building the village as described by the comic strip’s creator E.C. Segar. Nineteen authentic wooden buildings were built from hundreds of logs and several thousand wooden planks imported from the Netherlands, while wood shingles used in the construction of the roof tops were imported from Canada. Eight tons of nails and two thousand gallons of paint were consumed in construction. In addition, a 200–250 foot breakwater was built around Anchor Bay’s mouth to protect the set from high seas during the shooting.

This is the Popeye village today in 2014!

Today the movie set is open to the public as an open-air museum and family entertainment complex. Aside from the village itself, there are boat trips around Anchor Bay, audio-visual shows which includes clips from the actual film and the set’s construction, water trampolines, mini golf, and other games and fun activities.”

I don’t know about you but suddenly I feel the urge to explore Malta and visit the Popeye village myself….amazing…check out the official Popeye village website!
Cinematic Captain America: The Greatest American……..Virgin?!

August 9, 2014

I’ve been thinking about this since I saw Captain America: The Winter Soldier in theaters, it’s like a big elephant in the room at this point! We just have to address this, the movie Captain America is most definitely still a gosh darn virgin!! Am I wrong?! Nope! Movie Cap was born in 1918 so technically he’s a 96 year old virgin-It’s been three movies that this Cap portrayed by Chris Evans has been in, one being The Avengers and thus far Cap, though quite popular with the ladies since he got his muscles, has gotten ZERO action, aside from a few random smooches! Daaang!

So I think a great plot point of the next Captain America movie must be him finally losing his damn virginity already! I could see this being an incredibly funny moment being discussed by him and his fellow Avengers at a bar over a few beers and I can already imagine a ton of jokes involving Tony Stark, Banner and Thor about this. Now though the bigger question is who’s going to be his first?! Let’s face it Cap is quite the goody two shoes, so he may benefit from a more edgy lady like The Black Widow, or could go old school with Agent Carter (well that might be a bit weird), or maybe he’ll hook up with that SHIELD agent he was talking about?

The Avengers are in serious need of some options for the guy, Black Widow is hot and all but let’s face it she’d tear this momma’s boy’s heart to shreds! Or maybe Cap hasn’t come out of the closet yet?! Maybe he and Bucky will hook up?!! Either way it’s been too many decades for the guy, he’s gotta be feeling some serious sexual frustration at this point with all that super soldier serum pumping him up too, whatever the case he better make sure the big moment is worth the wait….

“Uggh…I can’t focus on a word Fury is saying with this raging boner I’ve had since we made out in that mall earlier!!”

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