Universal Dork

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  • The MCU Wrecking Crew!! OMG Childhood Dreams DO Come TRUE!

    I was thrilled to hear that one of my favorite Marvel Comics supervillain teams was coming to life on the upcoming She-Hulk Disney Plus Marvel series!

    The wait was over, this rough and tumble band of colorful supervillains has finally arrived on the scene ready to clash with the likes of Thor, She-Hulk and yeah the OG jade giant himself! These guys are such Icons! 1st appearing waaaaay back in 1974 (my year of birth actually) in The Defenders #17! 

    From what I understand though, many people may have missed these supervillain sensations in the trailer entirely! I guess it might be because Marvel always does seem to tweak the costumes just a little bit for their live action shows, so here we are in case you missed it let’s check out “The Wrecking Crew” and let all of our childhood nostalgia FINALLY come to life!!!

    So?! What did you think? Are you as excited and blown away as I am?!! Do you think this one’s got potential or do you think they’ve just made another throwaway version of iconic Marvel characters? What are the chances these guys will suit up in  something more……exciting? Also do you think these guys have superhuman strength or are they just luggin’ around some stupid MCU tech for the sake of some “witty” MCU humor? Only time will tell True Believers!

  • VHS Verdict: The Hippies and Horror of ‘HIGH DESERT KILL’!’

    I just recently ran across a pretty promising looking VHS tape, at least from the cover, ‘High Desert Kill’ from 1989 has all the right ingredients for one hell of a horror flick!


    Marc Singer, The Beastmaster himself, rounds out the cast in this intriguing tale of terror in the deserts of New Mexico. However don’t be too dead set on blood-and-guts in this tale of survival. There’s really not a lick of gore to be found anywhere on screen for it’s entire run time.

    It actually plays out like a bit of an extended episode of the X-Files (minus the Mulder and Scully type aspect) and I mean that as a compliment. I guess this was indeed a made for cable TV movie, don’t let that deter you though, cuz there’s a lot of forgotten gems in that category. We’ve got a great setting with 3 manly dudes who head out on a camping/hunting excursion deep in the desert in honor of their long lost deceased friend. There’s plenty of testosterone here going around as these sweaty often shirtless guys begin to almost immediately encounter some eerie occurrences upon arriving the first evening as well as some hot “hippie” babes (At least that’s what they seem to think they are for some reason) to liven up the party.

    But things quickly go South as they start experiencing hallucinations and begin to believe they are being stalked by some unseen malevolent force. The desert of New Mexico is the perfect place for this creepy tale to unfold, it’s filled with plenty of mystery and the stunning beauty showcasing its natural surroundings..

    To be honest the setting here is really the star of the show, there’s not a hell of a lot of spectacle to behold otherwise visually. No real flashy special effects or balls to the wall action sequences. However what it seems to lack in spectacle it makes up for with atmosphere, cleverly mixing a sense of dread and mystery at play with these old friends as the plot begins to slowly unfold and reveal it’s ugly details. The cover of the movie however does reveal perhaps a little more than it should with an alien spacecraft high in the sky, but don’t expect too much of that either and don’t expect too many skeletons to be rearing their ugly heads.

    Despite those minor quibbles there’s plenty to love here and the cast of characters makes this weirdo trip one worth taking.  It also features a pretty interesting backstory, shrouded and Native American mythology. If you’re in the mood for a simple slowburn with a pretty satisfying twist to it ‘High Desert Kill’ will be more than sufficient watch for any fanatic of erie eighties sci fi. I also see that currently Kino Lorber has a preorder for this one on blu ray– check it out!

  • MOVIE MELT Heads Off to Michigan’s Lush & Legendary ‘WEREWOLF ISLAND’ !!

    So I went back on the Movie Melt Podcast to cover yet another pretty impressive vanity project from 2018! This time we’re headed off to ‘Werewolf Island’ AKA ‘The Legend of ‘Dog Lady Island’ (a way better name imo) for some truly ridiculous midwest horror shenanigans straight out of Michigan!If you’re into stupid but ambitious low budget horror films then this episode will definitely NOT let you down- as a native Wisconsinite myself I’m fully on board for this voyage that takes us to a place where movies are rarely produced and rarely talked about-deep into the heart of the midwest. Director/star Michael James Alexander might be considered past his prime but he don’t give a DAMN, he’s gonna make his acting AND directing AND writing fantasies come TRUE whether you like it or not!

    That’s what’s most exciting to me, cinematic dreams can sorta kinda come true even as you get older. It’s sorta somewhat inspiring as Werewolf Island kinda shows me that anyone with enough ambition and elbow grease can sorta produce, write, direct and start in a damn movie! So who knows maybe I’ll be next?!! 

    Yeah…so this is NOT from the movie but what the hell, there aren’t any other photos from it online! This’ll do!

    So I suggest you grab a few drinks, sit down and chill out here for some mind numbing movie madness with more useless cinematic information than your brain can humanly comprehend! 

    Also some serious trash movie recommendations as well as some bonafide bangers, of what’ you might wanna be checking out if you’re a crazed mutant movie fanatic like myself! LISTEN TO MOVIE MELT RIGHT HERE!!

  • Believe the Hype: The KENOBI Fan Edit REALLY Gets it RIGHT!

    In case you’ve been living in a cave and haven’t heard about the new Obi Wan Kenobi fan edit, I’m here to tell ya why you gotta check that shit out ASAP! If you thought the series from Disney Plus was a big, bloated, convoluted mess then you’ve come to the right place, because a fan named Kai Patterson had decided  to give Obi Wan the damn justice he so desperately needed going all the way back to the prequal trilogy!

     I’m here to set the record straight as obviously you can’t trust the giant corporate websites these days to tell you any truth at all about movies! Surprisingly though they get this one right, as many have been really hyping this fan edit up. People are now saying that they finally have the Obi Wan Kenobi Star Wars story that they’ve always dreamt of, 

     Kai likely saw that somewhere within the series it had a cool story to be told. He trims it down from a 280 plus minute run time to a mere 150 minutes a two and a half hour Star Wars movie. He gets rid of the stuff that didn’t work, moves around plot points, bad dialogue and streamlines the action sequences. Anyway everyone and their long lost Uncle are talking about it so I’m probably the last person you need to hear more from at this point, You can only view the film from HIS WEBSITE, So what are you waiting for go check it and finally enjoy some Star Wars!!!

  • VHS Verdict: ‘THE SPIRIT OF ’76’ Wacky 4th of July Sci-fi!

    Hey it can be hard to find good things to watch after all of the festivities of the 4th of July right? Let’s face it after drinking a case of beer at the cookout you’re probably ready to watch something stupid and I’ve got a good one for ya! ‘The Spirit of 76’ is an almost entirely forgotten ridiculous scifi comedy from 1990. It features David Cassidy, pop icon, known for hisoh so sweet musical career in the Partridge Family, as he goes way back in time to the 1970s on mission to save planet Earth!

    But wait, you also get to see not one but TWO slightly past their prime but still totally dreamy, former teen 70s heart throbs, cuz  this bad boy also features Leif Garrett too! One of my favorite parts of the movie though, it also stars Jeff and Steve McDonald of one of my favorite iconic punk rock power pop bands bands REDD KROSS!  The 2 brothers are channeling some serious “Bill and Ted” vibes and add some serious cred and charm this little wacked out adventure.

     So In the year 2176, determined time travelers including Cassidy and the stunningly beautiful Olivia d’Abo (OMG so crushed!) are sent back in time, in a tin can style space ship to the year 1776 in order to save our planet. However a computer glitch transports them instead to 1976 by mistake!! Things get idiotic real quick as of course they’re being chased by a sinister force trailing not far behind. 

    However we get a pretty entertaining “fish out of water” storyline going here where Cassidy (who should be in his natural habitat in the real world) and Co have some serious adjusting to do when they encounter things like platform shoes, polyester suits, mood rings and untamed 1970’s babes galore!

    Their guides, Jeff and Steve from Redd Kross help them through this glamorous era and avoid certain danger among the disco era. The whole thing is a riot and also features even more familiar faces, the likes of Tommy Chong, Devo, Moon Zappa, Rob Reiner and Downtown Julie Brown! 

    There’s Kung Fu fighting, disco dancing, stupid looking spaceships and the  whole damn thing takes place on the 4th of July folks! Get down!!

    There’s a lot of pretty sharp comedy in this and tons of red, white and blue check out this little long forgotten scifi comedy, cult classic down if you want something a bit off the beaten path this 4th!! Here’s Redd Kross with the theme song ‘1976’ for the movie! One of my favorite tracks from their 1990 album ‘Third Eye’!!

    Even better here is the entire movie, only 81 minutes long for your 4th of July viewing right on YouTube for free!!

     

  • 4th of July Horror Explosion: 1996’s ‘UNCLE SAM’ is a Bloody Blast!

    All these years I’ve sorta avoided ‘Uncle Sam’ from 1996, assuming it was some sort of idiotic throw away, direct to video waste of time. The VHS cover was unforgettable, a wild lenticular evil Uncle Sam in glorious 3-D! Still for decades I never checked this out kind of on purpose.

    This 4th of July however I was looking for something in the horror genre that might take place around the holiday and of COURSE there was good ol ‘Uncle Sam’ front and center. I almost passed on it yet again, but this time I noticed something that I def hadn’t before. It was directed by William Lustig famed for the brilliant ‘Maniac Cop’ franchise and written by one of my genre favorites Larry Cohen (It’s Alive, The Ambulance, Return to Salem’s Lot, Q: The Winged Serpent). Why the Hell hadn’t I realized this sooner?! 

    Well Uncle Sam indeed delivered everything I’d hoped it would and much more! It’s a great horror flick with some razor sharp comedy/social commentary, just what you’d hope it would have being written by Larry Cohen. It’s a wild story about a kid who’s freakishly  obsessed with becoming a soldier, kickin’ ass for the USA & doing whatever the fuck President tells him to!  He’s also obsessed with his Uncle, who’s real name is Sam, who tragically dies in the Iraq war from “friendly fire”.

    When his body is shipped back to their home(?) to sit until his grave is dug, bizarre events lead to his dead decaying body reanimating and donning an Uncle Sam outfit which he strips from a peeping Tom on stilts after after murdering him!

     At this point Uncle Sam embarks on a full on “Jason Voorhees” killing spree during the 4th of July as the small town starts to celebrate. I’d always assumed that this movie was a total farce/spoof, but far from it. It’s got a cool fast paced story, plenty of obnoxious patriotic humor and even a strong social commentary about the US government and war itself. There’s also some inventive kills (with fireworks of course!), cool make up effects and a cast which stars fan favorites Robert Forster and Isaac Hayes.

    Probably one of the most ridiculous aspects and enjoyable parts of the whole movie is the kid and his crazy ass obsession with the United States and his over the top ludicrous patriotism on full display. It’s pretty gut busting and as a whole Uncle Sam is a total delight that somehow eluded me for almost three damn decades.

    As far as 4th of July viewing you really can’t do better than this, the most “4th of July” horror movie of all time thankfully has got all the right moves and the talent behind it is evident in the final product. I got this bad boy on blu ray from Blue Underground! But now I want that damn 3-D lenticular VHS too! Hunt down Uncle Sam THIS 4th of July!!

     

     

  • LGBTQ Pride Month Cover: NORTHSTAR! Marvel’s 1st Gay Superhero!

    It’s pride month & U-Dork is here to feature a sweet comic book cover way back from 1986, Marvel Fanfare #28, featuring Marvel Comics very 1st and BEST openly gay superhero, the one and only Northstar!

    Yes! Alpha Flight has been an ALL time favorite of mine since 1983. A cool, cast of characters created by comic legends John Byrne & Chris Claremont, and one of the most diverse, even by today’s standards, superhero teams around. Northstar is a true fan favorite as Marvel’s first openly gay character, who officially made news back in issue #106 when he made his reveal January 14th, 1992. I remember back then it was quite a big deal.

    However even though the character was always intended to be gay, more conservative restrictions back in the early 80s on comic books wouldn’t allow it. Instead Byrne had to let readers read between the lines. Northstar is a true LGBTQ legend and honestly I’m quite surprised that Alpha Flight has not made its way onto the big screen. Seriously get with the program MCU!

    Not only is Northstar one of the coolest mutants in the MCU he’s also got one of the best most boisterous attitudes around.  He’s always been a fun read and never a dull moment when dealing with him. Over the years he has even joined the ranks of the X-Men.  However I personally enjoy him much more as a member of Alpha Flight..

     This cover of Marvel Fanfare #28 is an excellent representation of him and the team as you can see when viewing the full wrap-around cover. It creates quite a stunning full picture, beautifully illustrated by Ken Steacy.

     The character of Northstar is one of my favorites and definitely deserves to be honored this month in particular! Props to Northstar AKA Jean-Paul Beaubier!

  • Final Verdict: Disney STAR WARS is Pretty Decent FAN Fiction!

    ‘Obi Wan Kenobi’ has officially wrapped up with the finale of the series released today! I watched it an enjoyed the finale/the series in general was pretty fun. It was a good time seeing the prequel era get some love, Ewan & Hayden back for some sort of “redemption” from their wooden performances of the prequels was nice to see. That all being said this series has really cemented Disney Star Wars, at least for me, as big budget fan fiction. Long gone are the days of me freakin’ out over new Star Wars stuff.

    At this point I view this new stuff in the same way I do YouTuber Star Wars fan fiction videos. It took me a while to get here as for years The “Sequel” Trilogy would trigger me into a geek rage. But once I realized George Lucas had sold Disney the treatments for his true sequel trilogy and they chose to instead let JJ & Rian Johnson write their own, I knew Star Wars now is actually more like a Marvel Comics “What If?” adventure than the real vision of George.

     

    Today, I just don’t take it seriously for THAT simple reason. It’s just like ‘Legends’, but with less interesting, less daring, more corporate influence over the franchise. ‘Kenobi’ was just fine, it had some great moments but it also had what I think was somewhat predictable, lazy story telling.

    It’s honestly probably the best you’re gonna get out of a giant corporate entity that is pumping out Star Wars content like an 80s sitcom rather than a precious cinematic event. It’s all now sorta just regular standard streaming “content”, we know more is on the way by the boatload to keep that monthly subscription ongoing. $$$$$ to the MOUSE Y’all!!

    So it was all just fine, Kenobi came back and while it wasn’t mind blowing storytelling it was for the most part a “good time”. Of all the series on Disney Plus though this should have been “the one” to melt the minds of the fans. So many missed opportunities to make a truly epic unforgettable adventure. My expectations are low these days, so I wasn’t let down but still, I always just wish they’d have George crafting at the very least the BASIC storylines…

    I wanna know what had REALLY happened to Luke, Leia, Lando & Han from the creator himself. I wanted to know what Obi Wan & Vader were really up to during this time period and we’ll perhaps the mystery of it all is better left in the minds of us fans...

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Eating My Words? KENOBI Finally Gets Good!

    I really try not to post that much here about the new Disney Star Wars stuff because everybody and their long lost step brother seem to be having that well covered all over the Internet! So that being said, this one will be short and sweet. So far the Obi Wan Kenobi series in my opinion has been totally lackluster, The story has been pretty bland, the fight choreography feels off, and just the look of the show in general feels like something you might come across at times on the SyFy channel.

    To me something of this scale really deserved to be set on the big screen. All of these Star Wars TV shows are just making the franchise feel a little too available and not incredibly special. Gone are the days of waiting for the next movie patiently I guess, Now are the days of each Star Wars series almost overlapping each other once the other ends. Kenobi’s first four episodes haven‘t felt like the “rematch of the century”,

    However with the latest, episode 5 I’ve I’ve got to admit I’ve begun to change my opinion on the series at least so far. In my opinion though this took far too long to get here and fans deserve so much more than this for a true return of Vader and Kenobi. Spoilers AHEAD!

     I’ve already seen people complaining about the opening scene of episode 5 with the flashbacks featuring Hayden and McGregor sparring in the “prequel era”. The biggest complaint I’m hearing from some fans is they’re upset that they didn’t use the the de-aging techniques they’ve been utilizing in previous series. I might be in the minority here but I think it was a truly wise decision & a complete breath of fresh air to see Hayden playing Anakin in a flashback without some weird rubbery de-aged face. It really made the scene more believable and allowed some REAL more compelling acting with room to breathe. It also felt more fierce, his real face added exactly what this scene needed, more depth. It was for the most part perfectly executed.

    Secondly the focus more on Vader AND Kenobi was finally a real step in the right direction, this felt like the show I was hoping for.. Even if James Earl Jones is NOT actually voicing Vader, (instead they used some AI generated respeecher). I really was let down to find out my “vision” of James Earl Jones voicing Darth Vader in a cozy dark studio was actually just more weird digitized shenanigans. It’s for reasons like THIS I was so thrilled to see the real Hayden in the flashbacks! Vader nonetheless was awesome here, powerful and scary. Reva too really blossomed into a much more interesting character with her true backstory and motivations revealed. I was pretty underwhelmed thus far with her in the series, but for the most part this changed almost everything. Of course some of the writing still feels sloppy, but hey look at the damn prequels right?

    Also I love that the real Grand Inquisitor is back somehow, seeing him standing next to Vader was a great view: bring on the cool villains! So yeah, I am now pretty excited to see the finale and hope we get a continued focus on mainly Vader and Kenobi, but now I’m also am really intrigued to see Reva’s next move: Way to turn it around Deborah! I’ll be back for more for sure!  One last thing though,  After being shaped with a lightsaber can people please start dying from that again? I mean the whole surviving being impaled by a being impaled by a laser over and over is getting a little questionable….

  • 90’s HK Ass Kicker ‘TEENAGE MASTER’ has got the MOVES!!

    I just gotta love a crazy 90s Hong Kong action flick, especially one where the main character is a ten year old master of martial arts who beats the snot out of anyone who steps to him or his damn dad! I’m not entirely certain why this sweet ass kicker from 1995 is called “Teenage Master” when the master is not a teen, but hell just go with it!

    This is easily one of the most fun Hong Kong flicks I’ve seen in quite a while. It’s non stop fun, action and legit laughs!! I’m sorry to report however the kid doesn’t actually don a Superman costume at any time in this movie! Just on the poster…

    This witty actioner Is totally ALL over the freakin’ place like many Hong-Kong movies of this era can be. One minute It’s spoofy slapstick comedy, the next it’s a dangerous highstakes buddy flick featuring a father/son duo who excel at one thing: kicking all the ass!

     A kung fu obsessed father (Collin Chou) and son (Tse Miu) are like two peas in a pod, living out in the country all by themselves. They hang out all day practicing martial arts, playing tic-tac-toe and eating tons of rice. That is until they’re lured into the big city of Hong-Kong  to take care of some family business with their elderly martial arts master, who’s locked up in a mental ward.

    However it doesn’t take long for these two to get mixed up into some risky business with some truly evil murderous gangsters. Luckily these guys  Aren’t anywhere prepared for the frenetic skills of THIS wild father and his 10 year old son the “teenage master” (for some reason)!!

     Amidst a kick ass crazy confrontation in an apartment building the father and son get separated during the mayhem and goes straight to jail. The movie at times doesn’t make a lick of sense but anything lost in translation doesn’t matter much once the action kicks in and you get your witness the wild child deliverr some of the most hyper intense Kung Fu craziness set to screen. The teenage master wanders the streets by himself and is of  course quickly adopted up by ridiculously idioticly entertaining family. 

    Yes some of the shenanigans in this movie are truly bizarre, sometimes veering into the Airplane/Naked Gun territory. Teenage Master however seems to seems to execute it’s strange tonal shifts almost perfectly And imo a lot of the jokes seem to for the most part stick to the wall. I suppose this might be fitting in style with something like ‘Shaolin Soccer’.

    The main attraction  here is seeing “teenage master” Tse Miu going nuts on the bad guys with his dad. The fight choreography is nuts and a total blast to behold. The comedic details sprinkled in each confrontation is the extra icing on the cake here to. Wheelchair chases, steroid drinking, crazy mental ward murders & insane acrobatics make this a truly forgotten diamond in the rough.

    There’s so much going on in this movie comedically visually and physically to love for true fans of obscure, bizarre cinema it’s well worth it to grab a copy or find it somewhere streaming. I got a copy on DVD from Far East Flix, for a mere $8! Grab s case of beer and your best buds, cuz Teenage Master is a full on Kung fu hyper-blast!