Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • Metal Movie Mayhem: Thor, Black Metal Warriors & Demons from New Zealand!

    Some good news for fans of metal music and horror flicks! Yeah the power of real metal isn’t showcased enough these days so this is a sweet bit of info for all you headbangers!  First is the trailer for New Zealand flick “Deathgasm”! This one looks like a throwback to movies like “Rock & Roll Nightmare”, “The Gate” and “Trick Or Treat” from the 1980’s with a bit of Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive thrown in for good measure. By the trailer and a few recent reviews it’s sounds like this one is gonna be full on shock rocker!

    Here’s the synopsis:

    “After his mother is institutionalized, misfit Brodie is sent to live with his Uncle Albert and Aunt Mary, whose son David torments him. A heavy metal fan, Brodie forms a band called DEATHGASM with his friends Zakk, Dion, and Giles. When bandmates break into a local house, they discover that one of their idols, reclusive musician Rikki Daggers, lives there. Daggers gives the band magical sheet music, which a cult later murders him to find. Skeptical of the sheet music’s power, the band plays it, only to summon a demon. With the help of his crush, Medina, and his bandmates, Brodie must find a way to defeat the demon.”

    This one looks gory, creepy, action packed and super cheezy- here’s the trailer:

    So I say Deathgasm took a nod from the movie “Rock & Roll Nightmare” I mentioned earlier and if you’ve never seen that movie then you’re by no means a fan of cheezy 80’s heavy metal horror! It’s star, metal musician Jon Mikl “Thor” was quite a guy back in those days and kicked the Devil’s ass in the cult flick. But not without and epic battle!

    The final battle between the two is one of the most ridiculous movie battles of all time! Thor has been at it since the mid 1970’s and today is back at it again enthralling die hard metal fanatics with his crazy stage shows. So now I hear there’s a new documentary coming out soon about Thor and it looks totally lovable in every way. We’ll finally get the full scoop on the legend himself!

    Check this out:

    Still not convinced Thor is the real deal well then take gander at this classic music video from Thor, which many deem the worst music video of all time! I however disagree, it just might be one of the best!!

    Oh and here’s the trailer for the epic 80’s classic Rock & Roll Nightmare:

  • Kickstart GREEN BLAH! : The History of WISCONSIN Punk Rock?!!

    The time has come to go back to my punk roots!! My first real passion as a kid was comic books but it wasn’t long until I fully discovered something else that truly engaged me – punk rock. Yes I grew up in Wisconsin and most people seem to think that all America’s Dairyland has to offer is beer & cheese, but hell you couldn’t be more wrong! Wisconsin has an incredibly rich history in punk rock and “Green Blah! The History of Green Bay Punk Rock” will once and for all prove all the naysayers wrong!!

    When I was a kid I discovered how much was actually really going on in the punk scene right there. Sure there may not have been the legendary bands like Black Flag, Descendents, Circle Jerks or Bad Brains emerging from the scene but there were a lot of equally awesome bands that never got the respect they deserved from way back in the day. This documentary will prove that!

    Growing up near Green Bay in the 80’s & 90’s was awesome for a kid like me who was hooked on the music because the scene there was bursting full of life. Yep Green Bay was where it was at if you were a touring punk band! The kids there were ravenous for punk because lets face it, there wasn’t a fuck of a lot to do in the suburbs of Wisconsin other than Skate & Destroy and go to punk rock shows. So now we finally get to let everyone in on the awesome scene that Green Bay & Wisconsin had going on! Green Blah! is a film by veteran Wisco punks Chris Pretti & James Baker and right now you can help fund this Documentary on Kickstarter! So all you punk rockers out there help these guys get this flick out there to document another important chapter in the history of punk music. Check this shit out and get on board already!!

  • Comic Book Cover of the Week: The Hulk’s Vintage Magazine Career!!

    So this week I wanted to take a trip down memory lane and showcase some of my favorite comic covers that are actually covers from the Hulk’s magazine career back in the late 1970’s. There were two, The Rampaging Hulk and The Hulk were both in magazine format and usually featured back up stories from lesser know superheroes or extra’s on the Hulk and many times his villains. These were extra special because the covers were almost always super spectacular paintings of the big ol’ green guy! So here a re some of my favorites check em’ out-they just don’t make em’ like this any more! These are truly INCREDIBLE!

  • Yee-haw!! Big Info on Michael Dougherty’s ‘Amblin’ Style KRAMPUS Movie!!

    Just had to share this awesome newly released movie poster for the upcoming ‘Krampus’ due out this Christmas from Michael Dougherty! I’ve been waiting for years for some one to really step up to the plate to deliver some serious X-mas horror and it really baffles me how it’s taken this long to get a real Krampus Christmas movie! What excited me even more is that Dougherty is directing this one and if you’ve seen his awesome “Trick R’ Treat” Halloween horror flick you’ll understand why. So here we have this totally rad retro throwback movie poster, with real artwork (which is a nice touch these days) and fold lines- this gets me even MORE excited for this movie!!

    Here’s an interview from yesterday with Dougherty and the cast of Krampus from the 2015 Comic Con!! Sounds like this one is going to be an ‘Amblin’ style (Goonies, E.T., Poltergeist) flick..wow…

  • ‘Ash vs The Evil Dead’ Trailer Looks Totally Groovy!!!!

    Wow!! It looks like Sam Raimi just might have finally gone and done it right!! I’ve been so skeptical and at the same time so excited about Ash vs The Evil Dead tv series from Starz for the longest time. But today my fears were firmly put to rest by the brand new full trailer for the series and folks it seems that we just may have a full on home run here for all who love the Evil Dead as much as I do!

    The first trailer is so damn good I can’t even find one thing I don’t like about it. It’s production quality looks like a movie and the special effects look pretty gosh darn incredible. Tons of old school practical gore, blood and creatures here make this so far blend pretty seamlessly with the movies. Bruce looks great, I love the comedy and the frantic action in the trailer is full on fucking awesome. Count me seriously in for this series! So I stand corrected Mr. Raimi, maybe like Bruce you still got it! Universal Dork approves!!! 

    And lots more info in this Comic Con interview!

     

  • Terminator: Genisys is Just Plain F#@kin’ Stupid A$$ Sh#t!

    Oh man, oh man, I had my serious, serious doubts about Terminator: Genisys for quite sometime but some how magically at the last moment, while I watched the previews last night before the movie started, I wiped the slate completely clean and got myself fuckin’ pumped up for a new Terminator flick with Arnold back in the saddle! I mean that’s like a wet dream come true on paper for a nerdy nostalgic dude who grew up on shit like Predator, Commando & Running Man back in the ‘o so sweet 80’s!!!

    But even I will be the first to admit that having a near seventy year old Arnold back as the T-800 was worrying the shit out of me. I mean how could they possibly think that would work in 2015?! To me it just seemed ridiculously stupid and nostalgia for nostalgia’s sake. But to be honest Arnold was the ONLY thing about the movie that kept me from dozing off into a deep slumber at the 10 o’clock showing last night! I’m gonna be honest with all you Terminator fans out there this movie is just one huge ass annoying stupid mess that just never needed to be made. Ever.

    Hell the last Terminator movie shouldn’t have been made, but somehow we still get this thrown on our lap. I’ve no doubt this flick is gonna be a HUGE box office bomb. It seems Arnold just can’t seem to pull in the crowds like he used to. Arnold however is seriously NOT the problem here. What we got is a giant stupid-ass time travel cluster fuck of a flick that’s a complete waste of time that doesn’t make a lick of sense. You don’t even want to attempt try and figure out this dumb ass fucking stupid turd of a flick.

    Yeah folks, it seems they just ran out of anything resembling good ideas here, and it took three shitty Terminator movies to come to this realization. Add in the fact that we’ve got way too many different actors playing John Connor at this point who’re dancing around a lone outdated T-800 who just keeps making random appearances in these movies and a Kyle Reese who’s nothing close to being as awesome as  Michael Beihn’s classic character was. Nope we’ve got a generic soulless version of Reese and John Connor here AGAIN, with Sarah Connor not being too much better, thrown into a confusing, overblown plot that tries it’s damnedest to shoe horn Arnold back into flick by any means necessary. None of these actors have any chemistry together.

    I think it’d be fun to actually sit down and make a list of reasons why this movie’s plot is the most lazy pile of horse shit Hollywood has come up with in decades. You can defuse most of it’s major ideas in just a few seconds after they’re introduced. I actually think Arnold really could have been the aging T-800 cyborg with finesse instead of a lame inside joke the entire movie. It could have somehow all made sense if someone just took a second look at the wretched script. I always imagined an older Arnold playing the man who designed the T-800 in his own image somehow being incorporated into an intelligent science fiction flick with all the incredible action elements & charm of the first two movies.

    It also leads me to the age old question how the hell is Kyle Reese John Connor’s father in the first place? Spoiler ALERT: Why the hell doesn’t this movie’s Kyle Reese question how the hell this is even possible when he finds out?! Seriously If I was Kyle in this movie I would have said “I call major BULLSHIT everyone, give me a damn DNA test and prove it or I’m outta here”!!!

    Lastly without spoiling too much, the major antagonist in this movie was clearly a terrible attempt at a twist, and made it clear they’ve officially run out of anything remotely interesting regarding the franchise. How many times are people being sent back in time here before they just throw up their hands and  give this shit up? So final words skip this flick, it will make you angry & confused. But it’s just barely worth checking out if you want to see Arnold one last time giving it his all, as it turns out he’s the only thing remotely interesting in the entire movie….

  • Let’s Make ‘Hellboy 3’ Happen!!

    I’m super happy that Ron Perlman is taking matters into his own hands recently with Hellboy 3!! To me it’s absoutely ridiculous that this franchise remains with out it’s final chapter! I’m a HUGE fan of the movies and  HUGE fan of the Hellboy/BPRD Mignolaverse and while the movie took a bit of a different take on the character in many ways I still think Del Toro nailed the look and vibe of the whole comic book world they exist in. I don’t think it was humanly possible to cast a better Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and all of the FX work was 100%! I mean how amazing was Doug Jones as Abe Sapien too?!

    Well apparently not quite amazing enough for the masses as we never got the third chapter of Guillermo’s planned trilogy. Perhaps the Hellboy universe is just too dang bizarre for the people who yearn for ultra chiseled male models in costume? But for some odd reason we are getting a sequel to the rather unimpressive forgettable Pacific Rim? What gives? Well Perlman and the rest of the cast are pretty damn excited to finish the story. Good ol’ Ron has been speaking out about getting the third film made saying:

    “I don’t have any news for you, but there’s always a chance, I’m getting to that age where, if I waited much longer, ‘Hellboy 3’ will be performed out of a wheelchair. So I was basically trying to say, if there’s going to be this thing, it should be sooner rather than later. I wouldn’t want to be involved in a crowdfunding. I don’t think it’s the fans’ job to fund a movie; I think it’s up to the people who do it professionally. I think it’s the fans’ job to sit back and buy popcorn and Coke and watch a movie and enjoy it.”

    So here at Universal Dork I wanna use my voice (what little one it may be) to get more of the word out about making Hellboy 3 finally happen! Let’s not get a rebooted Hellboy just yet, let’s finish the story we started and see what Hellboy’s fate really is. Will he bring about the destruction of mankind bringing Hell on earth? Or will he somehow fight the creatures from deep down in the firey pits? Imagine some of the other BPRD agents added to the cast like Panya, Roger the homunculus, Benjamin Daimio, Howards or how’s about Lobster Johnson?!

     

    And also how about a B.P.R.D. movie?! Or a Netflix series? Give us something dammit! I have honestly been slowly becoming totally burnt out on The Avengers movies, I think that Ant-man looks like a bland 2008 Marvel movie with another boring villain and the same tired formula as most Marvel flicks being churned out. Highly forgettable shit in the end. I really believe the Hellboy movie universe holds a lot more intrigue, horror and mystery at the moment. To me Marvel movies are starting to feel like a bit like a shiny boring Pepsi commercial. But in this day and age that’s what most people seem to dig, and if a film isn’t going to make massive amounts of cash then Hollywood just ain’t interested. The first two films didn’t make an obscene amount of money, so the idea of a third movie being made today I guess is kinda unfathomable.

    To me the movies always seemed a little too unique and smart for the mainstream. Crowdfunding may indeed be the only way to get this one off the ground at this point. Or perhaps they could re-cast some male supermodels in the roles of Abe Sapien and Hellboy and make them all sexy? Ugghhh…Despite all of that  I still think Ron Perlman’s Hellboy could be the guy who saves the superhero flick….let’s get the word out there!

  • “Turbo Kid” Trailer Has Arrived!

    I blogged about this one a a couple weeks ago and now we have the official trailer for “Turbo Kid”! This look like a ton of fun for any fan of those 80’s Mad Max style flicks. “In a post-apocalyptic future a young solitary scavenger obsessed with comic books must face his fears and become a reluctant hero when he meets a mysterious girl. From horror masterminds Ant Timpson (The ABCs Of Death 1 & 2, Housebound) and Jason Eisener (Hobo With A Shotgun).”

    This one looks pretty over the top! Check this shit out!!!

  • Insidious 3 Delivers the Scares!

    The Insidious franchise is one I’ve been quite intrigued with for quite some time. I really enjoyed the concept of the first movie as it was one of the first horror flicks I’d seen which at it’s core used the OBE (out of body experience) or as many know it Astral Projection as the main plot device. A truly original basis for a “ghost story” and a topic in which the first had gotten me quite interested in researching. It was a breath of fresh air in Hollywood horror, a lean and ultra frightening movie that literally had me cringing in my movie seat. Add in the appearance of Lin Shaye (who’s been in countless movies from my childhood) in a similar role as the kind of Zelda Rubinstein character in Poltergeist for that little bit of nostalgia factor and you have a super fun fright film. However the second chapter didn’t impress, it was bland and a bit boring much like most big Hollywood horror sequels trying to quickly cash in on the success of the first film.

    So I had quite low expectations for Insidious 3 and I’ve gotta say it actually turned out to be quite a good time! It’s simple story is about a young girl being terrorized by a weird ass ghost who wears a respirator on his face and leaves behind gross tar like footprints wherever he appears. This one’s focused a lot as well on Lin Shaye’s character and how she  joined forces with the two younger paranormal investigators from the first flick.

     

    The movie itself actually has some impressive acting as well when usual the third flick in a franchise can bring a cast of stale actors together for a mega bland script. This chapter also has a ton of scares around every corner. None of these are the kind where loud music blares and it’s nothing scary at all, like a cat jumping out of shelf or something. Nope every scare is actually something pretty gosh dang frightening. The only thing missing was exactly who and what the films creepy villain really was? I guess not everything can be explained right? This one also delves deeper into “The Further” the astral dimension where Shaye’s character really shines, it’s a pretty cool sight to see this old woman battling demon’s there with her dreamlike powers manifesting while she quietly sits in a chair in a deep trance in the “real” world.

    Well plain and simple they succeeded in a pretty sweet little third entry in the franchise, it’s already got me excited to re-watch the original again. Check this one out if you’re looking for a nice creepy little movie that gets your hear a racing then this one is certain to do the trick!

  • R.I.P. Christopher Lee…A True Wizard!

    R.I.P. Christopher Lee, you’re were a true icon! This again proves how awesome you were! You were a true Wizard at heart!