Universal Dork

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  • The Final Season of Cobra Kai Needs THE NEXT KARATE KID!

    It’s official Cobra Kai is coming to end with season 6 this year & I really think that it’s a great idea to stop while the iron is still HOT. They likely could have just left the end of Season 5 as is and it would have been actually quite satisfying. They’ve pretty much went everywhere they could with the series covering almost all the characters in the “Miyagi-verse”. However there’s one big corner left to explore still: The NEXT KARATE KID. The highly underrated gem of the franchise!

    It’s the perfect time to bring Julie Pierce (Hilary Swank) into the mix for the final curtain call. For many years I avoided The Next Karate Kid, I felt like it was an illegitimate spin-off of the “real deal” even though Part 3 was an uneven, laughable, tonally off chapter. It’d surely seem like the time is now bring Swank into the mix, the last season could use the female energy and give the show a fresh twist. The Next Karate Kid is also the last resource to draw from the “Miyagi-verse” and though it’s villains don’t seem to make sense in Cobra Kai it’d be really interesting to see Daniel and Julie finally meet in person and discuss the legend of Miyagi. Perhaps Julie could shed new light on his wisdom or even secrets of his past that Daniel(and the fans) might not be aware of?

    As I’ve said before, Swank would be a welcome addition to the series, she’s most definitely a high caliber actor and the series would be more than lucky to be graced with her talent. It’s really the last link waiting to be covered from the  4 movies. But what are the odds it happens? Well at the moment, Hilary is pregnant and is expecting very soon, so I wonder just how available she could even be? It’s definitely possible I suppose for her to jump on board in a couple months.

    So far however she’s stated she’s never been approached to be on Cobra Kai, which honestly I find to be quite odd especially since she’s stated that she’s open to reprising her role. In my opinion though, this last season really needs The Next Karate Kid connection. It would be a real treat to see her and Daniel fight with their Miyagi-Do karate expertise side by side. She could be a big part of the big final tournament and quite honestly the last missing link to the Miyagi lore.

    I’m hoping they don’t drop the ball here, The Next Karate Kid is a solid entry in the franchise. It wasn’t a reboot/carbon copy of the first film with a girl in the Danielson role, it had it’s own unique story to tell, charming characters and has actually in my opinion aged quite nicely. Over the last few years it’s really become a favorite of mine, giving us a sweet glimpse into Mr. Miyagi’s life outside of Daniel. Also what if there are some great never before seen outtakes or deleted scenes from The Next Karate Kid that could be over into the show?

    If you’re A “Danielson only” Karate Kid purist you should really give The Next Karate Kid another shot, if you’re like me and miss Mr. Miyagi, the brilliance of Pat Morita, that movie really delivers a high powered crane kick to the ass! Fingers crossed Hilary RETURNS in a BIG way for the final season of Cobra Kai!!!

  • Movie Melt Orders a ‘HAMBURGER The Motion Picture’ with Xtra Horsey Sauce?!!

    Well today I’ve certainly got something that’s gonna get your taste buds ticklin’! Oh yeah, I went back on the MOVIE MELT podcast and we covered the literally saucy and spicy ‘HAMBURGER The Motion Picture’! Yep this critically panned, box office bomb from 1986 gets it’s day in the sunshine. A second chance for redemption? Jam packed with juicy burgers, greasy ass fries and wild sexy(?), offensive shenanigans that make it a pure product of its time. A sloppy burger of a movie!

    That being said, it still managed to offend people even back in the mid eighties and will continue doing so today. But we decided to give it a chance and try not to view it too closely through the lenses of 2023, I mean there has to be something lovable about a movie called Hamburger right?!! CHECK OUT THE EPISODE!

    Well don’t waste any time and let’s find out listen to the episode right HERE! Plus soooo much more, food themed ‘Battle of the Bands’ as well as all the BEST movie recommendations of flicks you might wanna be watchin’ especially if you’re by chance a horror obsessed cheezhead from Wisconsin! Oh and I see the FULL version of Hamburger is on YouTube, released only on VHS otherwise! Unfortunately if you notice by the YouTube video it’s too daaaamn raunchy to watch right here! It’s too spicy for U-Dork apparently?!

     

  • Comic Cover of the Week: Wisconsin’s Forgotten 1980s Superhero!

    Here’s a flashback to late 1980s indie comics who’s covers pack a punch (or more so a KICK)! Wisconsin superhero Badger was always a favorite of mine, for one reason because the cheese state, from which I hail, never got much attention in the superhero spectrum. Mike Baron’s ‘First Comics’ creation was a truly unique spin on the genre. This incredible cover was one as a Wisconsinite always stuck in my mind! Badger was truly reppin’ the Midwest! A dynamic cover from 1988 by Steve Rude is one of my faves hands DOWN!

  • ‘Evil Dead Rise’ Trailer Feels Like a ‘Conjuring’ Spin-off?!

    There’s a lot of hype lately around the return of the “EVIL DEAD” franchise with Evil Dead Rise and personally I’m just not feeling the heat so far. Sure it’s kinda neat to see the classic Necronomicon book again onscreen, but at least in the trailer, that’s about the only thing that’s feeling “Evil Dead” about the whole affair in my opinion.

    When I saw the poster, the first thing that came to mind wasn’t the classic franchise, it really looked eerily similar to the 2022 horror film “SMILE’. For a moment I thought it WAS perhaps a SMILE spin-off being announced.

    In fact if you took out the Necronomicon from the trailer I’d have honestly thought this film was a James Wan produced spin-off sequel set in his “Conjuring” universe. Or like a sequel to ‘The Exorcism of Emily Rose’ or something. And don’t get me wrong, I like James Wan’s movies but Evil Dead Rises doesn’t do anything at least in the trailer to separate itself from the current horror trends-and why would it? It looks like another Blumhouse film (maybe it is?) and to me seems almost like a pointless franchise reboot that’ll probably be forgotten fast in a sea of 2023 similarly stylized corporate Hollywood horror films. Where’s the flavor of the original films?

    I often wonder if Hollywood is even capable of making a movie that looks and feels like something like the original Evil Dead films? Everything looks too slick, I think someone needs to step in and dial things back, legions of fans would truly flip out if they could replicate the real atmosphere of the the originals, this ain’t it. That’s not to say I won’t eat my words, perhaps Evil Dead Rise will be the BEST of all Evil Dead films?

    I think fans deserve something different if you’re really going for an honest attempt to revitalize Evil Dead. I’d rather have a movie sequel to ‘Ash vs Evil Dead’ Season 3 personally. I’d much rather have a sequel in tone to Evil Dead 2 or Army of Darkness, that feels really like part of the old franchise. It could even be more in tone with the 1981 OG film, set in the 80s with more of a classic look?

    Or follow Pablo and Kelly from Ash vs Evil Dead if we really want to steer clear of Ash. I think there’s likely a much better way to transition Evil Dead back onto the big screen and so far this seems like a mis-step.

    I’m going to see it and I hope I’m proved wrong but it all just looks and feels too familiar to the modern horror films of the last few years. I like modern horror, but if you’re going to try to bust out a classic franchise again you’ve got to capture what made it so special to begin with…

  • MOVIE MELT Podcast & The Y2K Mayhem of 1999’s ‘Y2K’?!!

    Yes true believers it is NO joke-we survived Y2K!! The year was 1999 and tensions were through the freakin’ roof, all the rumored disastrous computer malfunctions combining with insane natural disasters, the world was on course for certain doom!!  Some of you out there might be too young to remember this fateful evening and how we  persevered the most dire circumstances. Well if you need a refresher here it is becuz I went back on the Movie Melt Podcast and we covered Y2K from 1999 starring Louis Gossett Jr, Malcom McDowell and some other annoying dude who plays an idiotic computer hacker!!

    This later, nearly forgotten flick from PM Entertainment was in serious need of attention, and of course everyone needs a refresher on just what exactly went down on New Yearz Eve Y2K!

     We also talk about the most badass films of 2022 and do another battle of the bands Y2K edition! Check this refresher out and get educated on what really went down in 1999!! LISTEN HERE! Check out the trailer too for this epic showdown/real life history lesson!

  • 1983’s ‘GET CRAZY’: The Number One News Years PARTY Flick!

    The big question this year: what the hell are you gonna watch tonight on New Year’s Eve?! If you’re like me and sticking around the house tonight (deciding to steer clear of crazy bars and wild crowded parties) then you’re likely gonna be looking for the best damn New Year’s Eve party flicks out there!

    We’re looking no further because 1983’s GET CRAZY is about as good as this shit comes! Exactly 40 years ago the slapstick hormone infused cocktail of musical genius is one party worth attending from the seat of your couch. Best served for a thirsty crowd of cinemaniacs! From the director of ‘Rock n’ Roll High School’, it’s game on for New Year’s Eve when a promoter and his wild crew of one of the coolest underground theaters in town plans the ultimate NYE rock concert.

    The only problem is an evil corporation lead by Ed Begly Jr is ready to destroy the entire building with a bomb & a rotten plan to gentrify the neighborhood. Don’t fret though because ‘Get Crazy’ provides some seriously wacky gags but it’s not all “Airplane” or “Naked Gun” slapstick here, there’s some real heart to the story and along the way you can expect to get your socks seriously rocked off in the process. Director Allan Arkush also adds a sweet pedigree of punk rock here to please anyone who’s a die hard of the genre.

    With an incredible soundtrack and some fictitious bands who crank out some of the coolest 80s songs you’ve never heard in one of the wildest concert settings ever put to film- There’s just simply no way to be bored here with Get Crazy. If you have the option tonight to run this through your stereo system and crank it, definitely do so, that’s the best way to watch this one-loud and proud!

    Starring familiar faces like Lee Ving, Malcom McDowell, Lou Reed, Bill Henderson, the early 80s never felt so vibrant and colorfully drug addled.  Everything in this movie looks wonderful. It’s filled with incredible colorful set pieces and really captures a slice of the wild life during the holiday season in 1982. There’s a great blu ray edition out of this movie by Kino Lorber and you can watch it FREE on Youtube.

    Easily one of my favorite movies I’ve watched for the 1st time in 2022. I highly recommend if you’re staying home tonight & love cinema to check this out for sure and crank it up! Happy New Years!

  • Comic Cover of the Week: Iron Man Gets Seriously Bullied!

    I loved the old Marvel Fanfare, back in the day it worked as a unique little anthology book. Featuring some lesser known, as well as big name superheroes in their own little self contained unique adventures. Printed on glossy paper and featuring often times more unconventional stories in the way they were presented. They also of course had some knockout covers, this one, from Marvel Fanfare #22 from 1982 features a  unique moment where we see Doctor Octopus and unlikely villain for Iron Man completely intimidating him with a gang of dangerous supervillains all getting ready to gang up on Tony Stark! I’ve always loved to see comic books where superheroes face off against villains who they might not normally be associated with. This one is a great representation of that as we see Iron Man truly vulnerable, in a deadly situation beautifully illustrated by Ken Steacy in this iconic fold out cover!  Oh how I miss the 1980s…

  • Bizarre Holiday Viewing from New Zealand: 1981’s The MONSTER’S CHRISTMAS!

    OK Are you reeeeeally looking for something to watch that’s truly off the beaten path to this holiday season?! Look no further, the 1981 lost classic ‘The Monster’s Christmas’ all the way from New Zealand will stuff your stocking with some truly bizarre yuletide treats!

     This is a genuine bonafide oddball all the way from New Zealand that sort of feels like a fucked up version of HR Pufnstuf. The monster’s Christmas features some pretty genuinely impressive fully disturbing creatures for a kid’s Christmas special. I mean take a look at this guy hes one of the most frightening things I’ve seen probably in the last decade! 

     That’s “Mr. Nasty” the creepiest henchman of an “evil” witch who is obsessed with exercising, who lives inside of a mountain deep within a beautiful natural cavern. But I guess I’m jumping ahead little too quickly here. Our story starts out on Christmas Eve with the cutest little New Zealander you’ve ever seen, who just happens to be reading a book called ‘The Monster’s Christmas’ to her Teddy bear before bed. If this is a real book, I need to find a copy ASAP!

    However it doesn’t take long before she’s awoken by a noise in her living room and instead of finding Santa there’s a giant green cyclops monster with a smokestack on the top of his noggin and some sort of creepy floral oozin’ eye. She agrees to help him out with the evil wicked witch who threatens the monsters world. The little girl quickly decides to go on a bizarre little adventure that ends up being almost like a travel video to some spectacular New Zealand locales that masquerade quite nicely for the monsters world. Only one thing, she’s got to get home by Christmas day!

     This is probably one of my favorite new discoveries especially for Christmas viewing in 2022. Filled with some beautiful locations, a wondrerful main character and even a few charming little songs thrown in for good measure. But let’s be honest here it’s mostly about the freaky ass monsters presented on screen! They’re all pretty awesome and it’s a crime this little holiday special doesn’t have a HUGE cult following. I think it’s ripe for a fancy ass blu ray release – Vinegar Syndrome are you game or WHAT?

    Ok so as I mentioned before Mr. Nasty is one creepy character, he’s some sort of strange hybrid of a human, a mole and a bat. He is a truly terrifying creation but he’s completely loyal to the wicked witch, who by the way has her own complete personal gym inside of her cave! And believe me she gets some great use out of it!

    She’s quite charming as she spends most of her free time trying to get fit and is dressed to the nines in regal 1980s aerobic garb! Pretty much everything about this little 45 minute feature is utterly bizarre and hits all of the right beats to make something truly obscure that is an absolute must add to your Christmas viewing! I’d say this one’s perfect for the kids although Mr. Nasty, be warned is quite the embodiment of a living breathing nightmare. He sorta steals the show..

    If you’re a fan of obscure bizarre yuletide viewing I highly recommend tracking The Monster’s Chtistmas down and watching it this year. I just found a full version of it is available now on YouTube or you can add it to your collection by getting the dvd which I highly recommend. If anyone has an extra copy of the VHS please send me one!  Oh yeah, thank you New Zealand!

     

     

  • Bizzaro Lost 90’s Christmas Flick: FANTASTIC GAMES is a Holiday Fever Dream!

    Are you looking for something truly bizarre to watch this holiday season? Well you’ve definitely come to the right damn place, as I recently ran across a movie from 1998 that takes place on Christmas Eve and is just about as wildly perplexing and insane as they come!

    ‘Fantastic Games’ is a movie that’s passed through the years almost completely unwatched by anyone, save for a few die hards of weird-o cinema on Letterboxd! Director Alvaro Passeri crafted a cool little practical effects heavy monster flick from 1994 called ‘Creatures from the Abyss‘ AKA ‘Plankton’ that much like ‘Fantastic Games’ has also gone many years oddly without a cult following, it’s a pretty fun stupid little practical fx heavy creature feature that deserves a much wider audience in my opinion.

    Fantastic Games (which is only available to watch on YouTube for some reason) revolves around a family during a snowy Christmas Eve trying to take care of their sick daughter. Her father on top of it all is missing, trapped out in the cold winter night somewhere and a weird family “friend” pops in during the snow storm with some clearly ulterior motives.

    Her brother insists on reading her a crazy colorfully cosmic adventure story from a strange book that materializes on screen in all of it’s wacky epic glory & barely makes a lick of freakin’ sense. About 15  Minutes into this movie I didn’t know what the flying fuck was going on! However it’s such a delicious visual treat to lay your eyes upon it really doesn’t matter. Basically it involves a teenage girl who flies on a surfboard through space with her dog companion Toby. Sort of mirroring a “Dorothy and Toto” type a trope.

    She gets mixed up in some sort of “live action” video game I guess you could refer to it as a “fantastic game” set forth by some weird ornery horned alien villain with a shiny plate glass face who loves to yell at people any chance he gets.

    I’m guessing it’s trying to replicate the magic of ‘The Neverending Story’, to intensely up the ante with its cadre of creatures, satanic skeleton filled caverns, creepy puppet faced space wizards and just about any reason to display some sort of fever-dreamlike special fx sequence.

    The amount of effort the director must have put in to this truly inventive yet incredibly incoherent little visual feast is really quite ambitious. Viewing this for the 1st time left me scratching my head on just how this strange psychotronic nineties oddity has passed everyone by for so many years without a peep from genre fanatics. 

    I’d say this one’s in desperate need of a blu ray restoration and a big modern day cult following. It’s the type of movie you wanna watch with a gang of cinema junkies & plenty of merry drinks during the holidays!  It features more than enough Christmas visuals too to qualify as a bonafide holiday gem.

    However it’s easily one of the most perplexing and confusing pieces of cinema I viewed in some time. Get ready to behold some weird shit, like the meek little dog companion Tony extinguish a raging fire in the pits of hell with his own pee! All bets are off on how these two are gonna survive and further to the finish line of the sinister “Fantastic” game. The events that happen in this creepy world also seem to be mirroring the fever of the sick girl and troubling family events on Christmas Eve.

    It’s a pretty interesting to watch how this all unfolds- even though it doesn’t make really sense.  Imagine a sort of D-list Terry Gilliam style wacko cinescape that thrives to be bigger and more boisterous visually but plotwise more incohesive while not giving a damn. Director Alvaro Passeri is either a madman or a incredibly underrated visionary waiting for a legion of fans who salivate for something straight out of a nightmare.

    Check out his website and you tell me that this guy isn’t perhaps a secret genius: He’s clearly a master of practical effects and an inventor of some of the weirdest shit I’ve seen in a long time, check this out if you doubt me:

    Clearly a Renaissance man of bizarre proportions, I see good things on the horizon for Paserri once word finally gets out about his unique secret cinematic achievements and oddball inventions. So this Christmas season why don’t you take a trippy trip into his strange holiday nightmare world of Fantastic Games. You can watch the whole movie right here! 

     

     

     

  • Comic Cover of the Week: Jim Lee’s BIG Break- Samurai Santa!!

    A skilled japanese martial artist masquerading as a department store Santa Clause isn’t what anyone thinks of when thinking of comic book icon Jim Lee. HOWEVER Samurai Santa one shot from 1986 was really his BIG break!

    This cool little long forgotten indie comic book is perfect for the Christmas season! Jim Lee was the inker on this one shot holiday themed adventure, which eventually landed him a job with Marvel Comics on Alpha Flight in the late 80s. This is a cool little off the wall Christmas story and a sweet simple one for the season! It might be time to give this one a re-read and hey maybe someone needs to adapt it into a live action movie?!