Tagged: sarah polley

VHS Verdict: The Monkey-less ‘BLUE MONKEY’ from 1987!

So I recently found a copy of an 80’s monster movie I’d been trying to track down for years- Blue Monkey from 1987. One thing I totally dig is an awesome or even badly entertaining 80’s horror flick and with this one I was certain I’d found either a lost gem or at the very least a full on golden turd!! Well it turns out I was quite wrong on both guesses, after years of waiting I was quite disappointed to find out Blue Monkey is neither, but rather a total snooze fest that’s bound to put the kibosh on any movie nite party!!

The funny thing is for the first half hour this one delivers some serious promise, that’s the sad thing because after a strong opening you’re so damn sure this movie is going to deliver the goods and then some that it’s tough to give up on it! The basic premise is someone gets bit by a weird bug in an exotic greenhouse that causes big slug like parasites to emerge from the hosts mouth. When the person is taken to the hospital that’s when the “mayhem” begins and then quickly peters out into a movie that feels far, FAR longer than it’s 97 minute run time!! Yeah the first half hour has some cool gross out fx and even introduces us to a young Sarah Polley!

 Aside from that there’s not much else to report, the rest of the movie features a shit ton of boring ass scenes of people walking around dark hallways and talking about a ton of shit my brain wasn’t willing to absorb. I watched this at a movie nite on a projector and as I looked around the room it was clear this movie was the fucking cure to the most intense case of insomnia!! I’d also like to add that there’s no blue monkey or anything related to a damn blue monkey in the whole damn film!!

Yeah people were nodding off and some I think got some nice zzzzz’s during most of the movies tiresome duration. When we finally get to see the monster mutant bug it’s just too little too late to give a damn. The only thing that kept this movie the least bit interesting were the two boozed up senior citizen patients at the hospital, and even the promise they showed waned pretty damn quick. The actual monster itself was actually pretty well done. If they’d have had the creature stalk people on and off during the loooong ass middle section of this movie it’d have been a helluva lot easier to sit through. Even adding a few of those “shadowy creature arm attacks and you throw some fake blood on a wall” type of scenes could have saved this one from being a full blown fucking sleep-aid!

I get really bummed out by movies like this, that with some clever editing, could have actually been a pretty fun little romp. It seems though the only thing this one succeeds at is being spectacularly boring, proving again the search for that lost 80’s horror gem is a tuff one. Every so often I’m proven wrong but usually if I haven’t heard of a movie being awesome from the 70’s or 80’s by the year 2017 there’s usually good reason! I’m glad the wait is over though with Blue Monkey, even though it was a total turd, it’s one I can happily cross off the list. This one never got a proper DVD release and now it’s finally clear why…you’ve been warned!!  

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Splice Sex Scene Whatta Laugh…

So I just watched Splice last night you all know the movie with Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley finally. I just wanted to take a moment to say that the movie wasn’t that good, it had some shitty ass as usual CG and it had a totally stupid plot twist of Adrien Brody getting it on with the lil’ Monster with the CG legs. I know this is old news but hey, but it WAS just released on dvd & I don’t make it to the theaters much lately as I am trying to save money (hint hint-when am I gonna get some free movie passes or something from doing this site?!).

I just wanted to say that the fact that Broder suddenly wants to fuck the little monster they have been raising was just pretty damn lame-I know, it’s supposed to be super edgy right-cuz it’s a monster and Broder is all hot stuff and is all real kinky cuz it’s a monster! Oh yeah though she’s kinda sexy right? It’s just sooooo damn edgy!!? They did have alot of hot on screen chemistry right-Broder and the monster? NO!!! blah blah blah….what a dumb movie. Sorry folks not much else I can say here-if you wanna get a real shock check out the Masters of Horror episode directed by Dario Argento called “Jenifer” and skip this turd!

Splice Featurette!

I blogged on here a while back about the upcoming sci-fi creature feature, Splice coming out starring Adrian Brody and Sarah Polley. There wasn’t really too much info out there at the time on this one. But today I saw a cool little featurette that sheds alot more light on this movie. Directed by Vincenzo Natali who also helmed the awesome sci-fi classic “Cube” ( if you have not seen that movie go rent it now!), I have high hopes and with Guillermo Del Toro as the executive producer it’s a safe bet this won’t be a peice of trash. Check this out and towards the end you’ll get to see a clip from the movie that I think looks pretty promising…  

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