Ok total click bait headline right? Well I have to admit upon seeing the most recent teaser trailer the thought of Harrison Ford dubbing his voice didn’t seem like all that bad of an idea at first. Now first I’ve gotta say, that Superbowl teaser was pretty damn cool. Visually it had some excellent moments that had me suddenly feeling the excitement of a this new “Han Solo” prequel origin flick. However yesterday upon seeing the longer teaser trailer there was one big ass thing that had me a bit worried. My first impression of this new “Han Solo” played by Alden Ehrenreich, I just wasn’t feeling it was Han. That’s a big worry for a movie called ‘Solo’ I think.
Now don’t get me wrong, these two teasers look pretty cool and I think there’s some serious potential for something really fun. I know a lot of Star Wars fans proclaim they weren’t asking for a new Han Solo movie, but I’ve been cool with it as I’ve seen a young Captain Kirk and crew played by younger actors work quite nicely in the modern TOS Star Trek movies for the most part. Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, and Karl Urban (who fuckin’ perfectly nailed McCoy!!) all did a splendid job as the iconic characters. So I still have faith Alden could possibly pull it off. This first trailer though, as cool as it came off didn’t scream ‘Han Solo’ to me. It felt to me like an adventure in the Star Wars universe with all new characters with the exception of Chewy. Let me just add, thank god we’ll be getting a ton more of Chewy, as the iconic character has been cast aside like the family dog in The Last Jedi, only seemingly there to interact with the Porgs for comic relief sporadically throughout the movie.
So maybe Alden doesn’t look much like the Han we’ve known for all these years and he certainly doesn’t sound like him. Recasting legendary cinematic characters is a seriously tuff fucking thing to do and sometimes it’s just maybe not the best idea to attempt do so. I had my doubts though with Chris Pine as Kirk, despite the fact he at least, looked the part. Though he doesn’t attempt blatant Shatner-isms he does to a certain degree subtly slip them in from time to time without most even noticing. He mostly emulates Kirk’s true spirit very similar to the way that Shatner did without actually trying to be Shatner and some how by some miracle, he’s totally believable in the role and it just worked.
So it’s hard to tell if ‘Solo’ will resonate with fans, so far I’ve got my doubts about Alden. This one definitely feels as if it’s taken some lessons from JJ’s 2009 Star Trek movie. From the ‘SOLO’ teaser it’s kinda like ‘Star Trek Beyond’ meets Modern ‘Star Wars’ meets ‘The Fast & The Furious’. For me it could really go either way, I liked ‘Star Trek Beyond’ for the most part and I’ll admit I was quite ready to hate on it before I saw it (I can’t stand those Fast & Furious movies) but again I really like the actors who were cast in the original roles. They kinda saved it for me and now I’m looking forward to yet another Star Trek cinematic adventure. So while I’m hopeful that ‘Solo’ is going to be a ton of fun, it’s success however is totally dependent on Alden’s performance as Han and if he can convince the crowd that HE is indeed the legendary gunslinger. If not then oh boy, Disney’s got another Star Wars mess on it’s hands, and maybe my idea of Harrsion Ford overdubbing Alden’s lines just might not have sounded like such a crazy idea after all….
Oh man, oh man, I had my serious, serious doubts about Terminator: Genisys for quite sometime but some how magically at the last moment, while I watched the previews last night before the movie started, I wiped the slate completely clean and got myself fuckin’ pumped up for a new Terminator flick with Arnold back in the saddle! I mean that’s like a wet dream come true on paper for a nerdy nostalgic dude who grew up on shit like Predator, Commando & Running Man back in the ‘o so sweet 80’s!!!
But even I will be the first to admit that having a near seventy year old Arnold back as the T-800 was worrying the shit out of me. I mean how could they possibly think that would work in 2015?! To me it just seemed ridiculously stupid and nostalgia for nostalgia’s sake. But to be honest Arnold was the ONLY thing about the movie that kept me from dozing off into a deep slumber at the 10 o’clock showing last night! I’m gonna be honest with all you Terminator fans out there this movie is just one huge ass annoying stupid mess that just never needed to be made. Ever.
Hell the last Terminator movie shouldn’t have been made, but somehow we still get this thrown on our lap. I’ve no doubt this flick is gonna be a HUGE box office bomb. It seems Arnold just can’t seem to pull in the crowds like he used to. Arnold however is seriously NOT the problem here. What we got is a giant stupid-ass time travel cluster fuck of a flick that’s a complete waste of time that doesn’t make a lick of sense. You don’t even want to attempt try and figure out this dumb ass fucking stupid turd of a flick.
Yeah folks, it seems they just ran out of anything resembling good ideas here, and it took three shitty Terminator movies to come to this realization. Add in the fact that we’ve got way too many different actors playing John Connor at this point who’re dancing around a lone outdated T-800 who just keeps making random appearances in these movies and a Kyle Reese who’s nothing close to being as awesome as Michael Beihn’s classic character was. Nope we’ve got a generic soulless version of Reese and John Connor here AGAIN, with Sarah Connor not being too much better, thrown into a confusing, overblown plot that tries it’s damnedest to shoe horn Arnold back into flick by any means necessary. None of these actors have any chemistry together.
I think it’d be fun to actually sit down and make a list of reasons why this movie’s plot is the most lazy pile of horse shit Hollywood has come up with in decades. You can defuse most of it’s major ideas in just a few seconds after they’re introduced. I actually think Arnold really could have been the aging T-800 cyborg with finesse instead of a lame inside joke the entire movie. It could have somehow all made sense if someone just took a second look at the wretched script. I always imagined an older Arnold playing the man who designed the T-800 in his own image somehow being incorporated into an intelligent science fiction flick with all the incredible action elements & charm of the first two movies.
It also leads me to the age old question how the hell is Kyle Reese John Connor’s father in the first place? Spoiler ALERT: Why the hell doesn’t this movie’s Kyle Reese question how the hell this is even possible when he finds out?! Seriously If I was Kyle in this movie I would have said “I call major BULLSHIT everyone, give me a damn DNA test and prove it or I’m outta here”!!!
Lastly without spoiling too much, the major antagonist in this movie was clearly a terrible attempt at a twist, and made it clear they’ve officially run out of anything remotely interesting regarding the franchise. How many times are people being sent back in time here before they just throw up their hands and give this shit up? So final words skip this flick, it will make you angry & confused. But it’s just barely worth checking out if you want to see Arnold one last time giving it his all, as it turns out he’s the only thing remotely interesting in the entire movie….