It’s been confirmed today that Thanos will be the official villain for both The Avengers 2 and The Guardians of the Galaxy. Seriously both movies?! That’s a double dose of one of my least favorite Avengers villains ever! Uggh….I know everyone loves the Infinity Gauntlet but well to me I have always thought Thanos was a rather lackluster villain. He’s like DC’s Darseid only not as cool. I really was hoping that we’d get something different from the second Avengers movie, maybe even save this Thanos thing for the third movie as it seems inevitable that they’d have to make that storyline go somewhere.
I guess the whole cosmic Avengers and X-men stories for some reason have been my least favorite. But hey people fucking love shit when it’s in space, Jason, Hellraiser and god damn Leprechaun all made it into space right? Personally I always liked a more personal earthly threat, though I loved The Avengers I thought it’s villain/villains were a bit flawed and to be quite honest rather dull. The next installment I think needs an awesome cast of villains to deliver on levels and not only challenge the Avengers but really hurt them on more than just a physical level. I just don’t think Thanos is the man for the job. If it were up to me we’d see something like this for the third film:
1. Baron Zemo & The Masters of Evil:
To me having Zemo and The Masters of Evil would be the most perfect story for the next film. Not only do things get heated with these guys and The Avengers they downright dirty! If you don’t believe me just read The Avengers: Under Seige storyline, in my opinion the best Avengers story ever. With the Masters you also get a boatload of major villains that would be amazing to see on the big screen!
2. Doctor Doom:
This guy is easily one of the greatest villains ever!! Seriously everyone hates this guy, from Spidey, to Cap, to the Fantastic Four to yeah The Avengers! Seriously Marvel don’t waste your time saving him for yet another crappy ass Fantastic Four flick. Do him right-save him for the third film at least. Just let him be the ultimate Marvel villain he’s destined to be…Put him up against The Avengers!!
3. The Leader and his Gamma Crew:
So for The Avengers we got Thor’s ultimate villain Loki in the spotlight and personally he didn’t cut the cake for me! So why not bring a major Hulk villain to the table? We already got a glimpse of Samuel Sterns in the Norton Hulk film, so why not bring him into The Avengers 3? He could bring along a team of gamma freaks to take on the team also. The return of a further mutated Abomination (looking more like the comic book version), the evil gamma zombie Half-life, The Harpy, even the Bi-beast could be part of his crew….and of course his rubbery pink henchmen would have to be in it as well!
He was rumored as a possible villain in one of the upcoming movies already, but this freak would be the perfect villain for an Avengers movie. Imagine how horrific this guy would look on the big screen! Plus he rules over A.I.M. and they’d be the perfect threat against Shield & the team. So let’s get this weirdo on the big screen because he’s sure to put some real fear into movie goers hearts!
Now this guy could be quite possibly the coolest most ruthless Avenger’s villain of them all! Leave it to Hank Pym to fuck shit up for the team because in the third movie (assuming he appears in the second film) he could introduces his greatest creation Ultron to the world! Yeah and then shortly after Ultron goes berserk and decides that the world must be rid of humans and become completely cybertronic! A simple concept that potentially threatens the entire planet. imagine all of awesome robotic creatures the Avengers could face off against! Plus they’d have to include Jocasta to The Avengers roster-the hottest robot of all time!!
So the big news is finally out!! Superhero fans all over the world are ecstatic today as Marvel announces their next big blockbuster superhero movie! Luke Cage?! Nope! Doctor Strange?! NADA! Daredevil?! Na! Moon Knight?! Not even close! People Marvel is giving you……..THE HUMAN FLY?!!! Yep!!
Who?! That dude from the 1970’s? The stunt man guy? The series that had a total of 19 full issues! Yeah this Marvel Character was around for a few years, he was a stunt driver who was badly injured in a car crash and he was given a steel skeleton by doctors. He then did wild stunts for charity events but had run ins with super villains who often times tried to rob them. He even went toe to toe with Spider-man! As this is an odd choice for a flick I am curious what led them to choose this character? Alan Brewer and Steven Goldmann picked up the reverted rights on the property recently. Eisenberg-Fisher Productions, which is based on the Paramount lot, will executive produce the proposed indie flick. I wonder if Sam Jackson will appear after the credits to recruit The Human Fly? Hmm…..not likely!
So now that I know Marvel’s new strategy of movie making I have a few suggestions for you true believers in Hollywood! You heard it here first folks here are my predictions for the next Marvel Superhero blockbusters! Since they are obviously pumped about making The Human Fly how about…
Moonboy & Devil Dinosuar?!!!
Why the HELL not?! Listen up Marvel these two are way more fly than The Human Fly! Remember how fucking popular Jurassic Park was?! Ever heard of a movie called Encino Man?!! Moon-Boy is the first god damn human ever! This duo will surely rule the silver screen. Seriously if you wanna cash in make this damn movie!
Ok then we’re on a roll, so how about 3-D MAN?!!!
Yet another 1970’s superhero who’s like ten times as cool as The Human Fly! Marvel let me let you all in on a little secret you may not have caught onto yet…3-D movies are all the damn rage these days!!! Now you have a superhero who’s literally “3-D”! Imagine this “3-D Man in 3-D”!!! Win Win situation! Oh and I highly advise basing the movie on the issue shown above! That is if you really wanna cash cow…
Ok, ok I got more Marvel…since you skipped Giant-man for The Avengers movie you might as well get on this one asap…BLACK GOLIATH!
Yeah I love this character! He’s easily one of the coolest african american superheroes ever! Forget The Black Panther or Luke cage Dr. Bill Foster is the biggest man on the block and once again way more rad than The Human Fly! He’d stop him at the box office like a fly for sure!
Ok so let’s say you wanted to pass on Black Goliath, well that’;s fine because there’s always BROTHER VOODOO in waiting!
Just skip Doctor Strange and get this movie made! Add some vampires, zombies and lots of fucking Voodoo mayhem! Brother Voodoo kicks The Human Fly’s ass in every way possible! This one is a no brainer just do it already!
Ok lastly we all know how popular robots are…so let’s focus on a full on ass kickin’ MACHINE MAN live action film!
Yes! Seriously Machine Man is one of the coolest Marvel Characters out there! Aaron Stack is his name and way back in 1977 he was introduced into the Marvel Universe. He’s got a kinda Pinnochio type story as he was raised as a human by his creator Abel Stack. He’s made his way as supporting character in the most recent “Hulk” comics which follow Thunderbolt Ross and his alter ego the mustache-less Red Hulk. This guy is like one hundred times as bad ass as The Human Fly!! So why not? People are obviously into the Transformer movies for some reason so imagine Mr. Stack on the big screen! Win!!! P.s. Please note above Northstar on the cover of Machine Man…he has blonde Hair! What gives?!
Wow did you hear the big news today about Captain America 2?!! Oh My GOD!!! Holy Shit!!! It’s official true believers!! Cap has got directors!! Two Brothers!! Nope NOT The Wachowski Brothers! No the………….Russo Brothers?!! The who?!
Wait these guys must be like totally underground, let me guess they helmed some super bad ass action flick that only a handful of ultra comic hipsters have seen?! No? Wait…wait a second…they aren’t the Russo Brothers as in the directors of “You, Me and Dupree” are they?! No….wait…yeah?!
Hmmm…um ok then, well Marvel you know what? You SURE know how to get the Hype machine oiled up and moving on this one! Can we at the very least please have Owen Wilson play the slacker super hero Jack Monroe aka “Nomad” to show up to crash on Captain America’s couch like he did in the 1980’s?
“Captain America 2: You, Me, Dupree & Nomad” Come on at least give us that to look forward too! If it happens folks and it’s actually not a bad idea, you gotta say you heard it here first 😉
Well folks here I am with the official scoop on The Avengers. I’m sure most have already either read how awesome this movie is or like me saw it yesterday on opening night!! Well I here by give it the Universal Dork stamped seal of approval! The Avengers delivered the goods more so than I expected. In this day and age I’m highly critical of most things Hollywood serves us up-because it’s usually a bunch of weak ass bullshit! Especially comic book movies these days, they usually kinda suck with the exception of The Dark Knight and if they don’t suck they are heavily flawed. However, put a director behind it who truly cares for the source material and you can get something incredibly mighty. This is the case with The Avengers. It could have been a complete disaster had nearly any other wack ass Hollywood hack director got their grimy little hands on it.
But alas, it was worth the wait for Joss Whedon’s vision. I really never doubted him but I was surprised when the movie exceeded my expectations. Streamlined with a simplistic story, within the first few minutes of the movie know you’re in for a treat. We’ve got a superhero sandwich here and Whedon knows how to serve it up fresh giving us quite possibly the best versions of all of these superheroes to hit the silver screen yet.
The first Iron Man movie was a heck of a good time, Norton’s Incredible Hulk proved to be a bit of a failed experiment the second time around with it’s cheap CG version of the green goliath and The Abomination, Iron Man 2 was instantly forgettable and unnecessary, Thor was passable but once again failed with bad CG, a rather stale lead and story, then finally we got Captain America which to me was the best of the bunch leading Iron Man perhaps only because of Cap’s incredibly interesting back story. The Avengers on the other hand doesn’t feel cheap or rushed. It’s exactly what you hoped it’d be and a little bit more.
We finally get us some Nick Fury in more than just thirty second cameos. Sam Jackson shines as the movie’s glue as he not only forms the team but also manages to get in on the action as well and show us why exactly he’s SHIELD’s main man. The rest of the crew were excellent as well and when they all finally appear together it feels much more special than anything marvel has ever done cinematically. It’s a riot to see them interact and argue like a bunch of unruly teenagers. The screen just doesn’t seem big enough for all of their “super” egos so when they do finally work as a team it’s well worth the trouble getting there.
The movie never tires, it’s jammed to the brim with action, humor and some great character development. Let’s face it you gotta have some humor when listening to Thor babble or look at Steve Rogers hanging around in his red white and blue duds all day. They are quite a funny bunch of misfits actually. With that all said I think it’s time to give my two cents worth on The Hulk. I never thought I’d say it but I am kinda glad Ed Norton decided to sit this one out. Mark Ruffalo was the best on screen movie Banner yet. He brings a sort of desperation to the film and looming sense of unease as we wait nearly up to the third act before we finally get to see the green guy in action. I think this time around they almost got the Hulk perfect too. Almost. He’s easily the most realistic and convincing Hulk we’ve seen on film. He looks leaps and bounds better than the Norton version, which I recently watched again and just couldn’t get past the wretched CG green giant. This Hulk at least feels like he’s got some weight on him, rather than some flimsy “Roger Rabbit” computer generated cartoon leaping on screen with real actors. You can tell Whedon wanted to get him right this time around. I can’t say it’s my dream “movie Hulk” as you can still tell he’s a purely CG creation but a guy has got to give up at some point, as I have given up and accept that Hollywood has a formula they are sticking to special effects wise and it’s just NOT going to change. So I accept this Hulk if only because of the comparison to my last two movie representations.
Lastly I would like to point out a few things I think could have been better. Though I thought that Loki was a sufficient villain he wasn’t a very interesting one. A bit on the bland side I personally would have rather seen Baron Zemo or The Red Skull return and put together a “Masters of Evil”, just villains that are a little more captivating and frightening. Loki being a bit of an on screen bore didn’t get much help either from the Whedon created Chitauri alien race and personally I would have liked to have seen more of them in the movie as I think they could have put a little more fear into us movie goers hearts as villains. I never really believed that Loki was all that hell bent on the mission at hand. In a second installment I’d love better villains-give us Mister Hyde, Goliath, The Wrecking Crew, Titania and The Absorbing Man!
My only real big problem with the film was actually the Chitauri in the final act of the film. This falls on the fact that our heroes were doing a lot of battle with them in the city and for some reason Whedon decided to CG them entirely. They were roughly the size of an average human so why not have real actors there playing them? It at times looked a bit funny seeing these real actors battling CG aliens in hand to hand combat. I don’t want to spend anymore time on this topic, but hey Joss, just so you know nothing is better than the real thing. If you don’t have to CG it don’t do it. Remember “I am Legend” with Will Smith? Nuff said….
The Avengers regardless exceeded my expectations and put a big smile on my face. Joss Whedon did it and once again it was well worth the wait. Now it’s just a question of what’s next?!