Category: Useless Information

HD Digital TV Blu-ray SHIT Phenomenon!

Ok I have been noticing lately that everyone has got these fancy ass tv sets in their house that look like computer monitors. Supposedly they’re the wave of the future with their digital images and and HD precison. I’ve been watching movies and Tv shows at friend’s places on their two thousand dollar “killer ass” Tv sets and you know what? I think they SUCK! Wanna know the reason why? Well last night I was watching “Purple Rain” on one and I noticed once again that most of the movie when viewed on a Tv like that somehow seems to look like a cheezy soap opera!! Like a damn episode of “Saved By the Bell”!

It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen-half the movie looked like a normal movie-then suddenly a shot comes in and it looks like Prince is starring in a lost epsode of General Hospital!!! Does anyone out there know what I’m talking about?? Am I completely crazy??

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The Technicolor Nightmare Pt. 2–SUPER XUXA VS. SATAN

Anyone who braves through JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER (the subject of Technicolor Nightmare 1) can theoretically tolerate a little singing and dancing. But where JIMMY is creepy as hell, XUXA is cuter than a sugar turd on a neon birthday cake.

SUPER XUXA VS. SATAN (A. Penido, 1988)

(Or SUPER XUXA CONTRA O BAIXO ASTRAL)

double double your refreshment!!

Xuxa Meneghel is a bonafide Brazilian superstar whose fame derives from a series of strange family films in the eighties. Some of my male friends have characterized her as “hot”. This film is the copycat little sister to LABYRINTH.

Super Xuxa, blonde and billowing with butt cleavage in a mini jumper, slathers joy like hair mayo everywhere she goes. Continue reading

Technicolor Nightmares Pt. 1-JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER

Horror nerds often come with intact reproductive organs. Hence, sometimes they reproduce (albeit rare). I have personal experience. But becoming a parent doesn’t mean you must purge the filth from your video collections! Just as changing diapers are now daily routine, so must stealth nighttime viewings of those video nasties.

Yet, finding a happy medium between you, your child and your TV can be a challenge. That’s why there’s demented kids movies! The exaggerated costumes, candy colored sets, community-theater caliber acting and fantastical plots latent in these low budget bombs often congeal into scary, trippy cheeseballs of pain. You won’t soon forget the emptiness your soul will feel after watching them.

Many can be found on the underground label SOMETHING WEIRD VIDEO.

JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER (H.G. Lewis, 1966)

H.G. Lewis, Godfather of Gore, and more?

Herschell Gordon Lewis was an accomplished businessman, so the man who made BLOOD FEAST, 2000 MANIACS and GORE GORE GIRLS went where the money was and crossed genre lines to do so. Although his nudie cuties, teens-gone-wrong and (shutter) family films may seem like resume fodder compared to the squishy, extreme gore films he was famous for, he had a blanketing modus operandi; low initial budgets that yielded cult status and turned profits over long periods of time. He made only two family films and I’m sure Leonard Maltin would hate them. Yet, they endure with a strange charm that only Lewis could conjure.

SANTA MEETS THE MAGICAL LAND OF MOTHER GOOSE is nothing more than a filmed stage production with awful sound. If I remember correctly, the camera barely moves off the tripod.

JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER however, is laced with Lewis’ macabre sensibilities and full of hilarious jump edits, exaggerated acting, nightmarish visuals and horrifying songs.

Comfort bubble violation. Sound the alarm.

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Christmas Got you Stressed Out? Try This Fine Head Massage!

Alright, I will admit it, I buy weird shit sometimes. Who doesn’t? You just see something on TV and it clicks with you. Like it is the long lost piece of your life and it will solve a good percentage of the problems that ale you. In fact, at times I pride myself in being the head of research and development for some of the crazy stuff out there. For example…the finger mouse, to replace your mouse on your computer, well that was not exactly a breakthrough product. So imagine my surprise when I came across this dandy…yeah, OSIM uCrown 2 Soothing Head Massager with Music.

Head Massage OSIM
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Ron Jeremy…never ceases to amaze!

So for those of you that are familiar with the infamous Ron Jeremy, you know full well that there are no porn movie plots that are beneath him. From spoof of the Adam’s Family (The Maddams Family) to Flatliners (Fatliners), Mr. Jeremy has starred in over 1000 movies! And add to the madness of porn legacy that he has constructed, apparently he starred in Super Hornio Brothers…a spoof on Super Mario at the time that the Nintendo NES and SNES were kings…yeah the good old days of 1993.

Ron Jeremy Super Mario
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Dancing Demons and Death Metal, A Match Made in Hell!

Nothing tops the sweet sounds of a good heart jolting death metal tune, and it is hard to beat awesome b-horror movie action. So why not combine the two into what should be the ultimate culmination of sight and sound. I guess that is my ideal experience. Not sure if there are any dorks out there that agree…well, I take that back, there have to be a couple. More specifically, how about Brian Trenchard-Smith and his magnificent creation Night of the Demons 2! If you want to see a classic horror movie with a touch of some metal, please read on and also watch an uber classic scene from Night of the Demons 2 featuring Morbid Angel!

NightDemon Morbid Angel

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