Category: The Worst of All Time
THE TECHNICOLOR NIGHTMARE PT.3-BODY TROOPERS
BODY TROOPERS, AKA: CHASING THE KIDNEYSTONE (Idsoe, 1996)
A decade after Joe Dante made INNER SPACE, a Norwegian woman made a movie about a boy and his grandpa’s kidney stone. What follows is a disturbing art film about bodily functions and fluids. Get ready for a swim! (WARNING: gross stuff ahead)
BODY TROOPERS-CHASING THE KIDNEYSTONE Poster
Simon lives with his grandpa, a widowed saxophonist, and they have a self-pitying stuffed bear that talks like a hot dog salesman. The night before grandpa’s jazz band reunion show (whom grandma sang for) he wakes up Simon with the kind of groaning that a football to the crotch or bad burrito will induce. Feeling helpless, the boy and the whiny bear bust out a chemistry set and shrink Simon to microbial size.
It all starts with grandpa’s mouth (specifically his giant lip and tongue). Simon steps over taste buds the size of basketballs, some of which talk. A lot. They even have telephones.
Bitter Bud on her flesh phone.
They are disturbed by the boy and want to know how he tastes. Bitter bud calls the Brain. Continue reading
The Technicolor Nightmare Pt. 2: SUPER XUXA VS. SATAN!!!
Anyone who braves through JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER (the subject of Technicolor Nightmare 1) can theoretically tolerate a little singing and dancing. But where JIMMY is creepy as hell, XUXA is cuter than a sugar turd on a neon birthday cake.
SUPER XUXA VS. SATAN (A. Penido, 1988)
(Or SUPER XUXA CONTRA O BAIXO ASTRAL)
Xuxa Meneghel is a bonafide Brazilian superstar whose fame derives from a series of strange family films in the eighties. Some of my male friends have characterized her as “hot”. This film is the copycat little sister to LABYRINTH.
Super Xuxa, blonde and billowing with butt cleavage in a mini jumper, slathers joy like hair mayo everywhere she goes. Continue reading
Technicolor Nightmares Pt. 1-JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER
Horror nerds often come with intact reproductive organs. Hence, sometimes they reproduce (albeit rare). I have personal experience. But becoming a parent doesn’t mean you must purge the filth from your video collections! Just as changing diapers are now daily routine, so must stealth nighttime viewings of those video nasties.
Yet, finding a happy medium between you, your child and your TV can be a challenge. That’s why there’s demented kids movies! The exaggerated costumes, candy colored sets, community-theater caliber acting and fantastical plots latent in these low budget bombs often congeal into scary, trippy cheeseballs of pain. You won’t soon forget the emptiness your soul will feel after watching them.
Many can be found on the underground label SOMETHING WEIRD VIDEO.
JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER (H.G. Lewis, 1966)
H.G. Lewis, Godfather of Gore, and more?
Herschell Gordon Lewis was an accomplished businessman, so the man who made BLOOD FEAST, 2000 MANIACS and GORE GORE GIRLS went where the money was and crossed genre lines to do so. Although his nudie cuties, teens-gone-wrong and (shutter) family films may seem like resume fodder compared to the squishy, extreme gore films he was famous for, he had a blanketing modus operandi; low initial budgets that yielded cult status and turned profits over long periods of time. He made only two family films and I’m sure Leonard Maltin would hate them. Yet, they endure with a strange charm that only Lewis could conjure.
SANTA MEETS THE MAGICAL LAND OF MOTHER GOOSE is nothing more than a filmed stage production with awful sound. If I remember correctly, the camera barely moves off the tripod.
JIMMY, THE BOY WONDER however, is laced with Lewis’ macabre sensibilities and full of hilarious jump edits, exaggerated acting, nightmarish visuals and horrifying songs.
Comfort bubble violation. Sound the alarm.
Saturday Night fights!!
It’s Saturday night here at Universal Dork and I think everyone should watch this segment from an AMAZING movie called “Undefeatable” to get pumped up for the evening! If you’ve never seen this you are in for a treat! If you have seen it maybe you need to be reminded why it’s probably the best, most well choreographed fight scene in cinematic history. Prepare to be blown away!~ ENJOY!
let’s hear it for the worst weatherman of all time!!
I just had to post this here. I saw it last night for the first time and laughed so hard that I was in tears. Check out this video of the worst weatherman of all time as he struggles painfully to keep it together and make it through this daily weather segment!! This is truely brilliant….
