‘White Fire’ from 1984 is one helluva bizarre movie, it’s not only filled with a ton of crazy ass action sequences but it’s also got a complete WTF plot going for it that you kinda just have to see to believe. ‘White Fire’ starts off with two siblings (Bo and Ingrid) who witness a gang of crazed soldiers sadistically murder their parents. There’s fully over the top action kicking into gear right from the very start including a bonkers attack on the kid’s dad with a flame thrower that you just gotta see to beleive. It’s one of those “rewind & watch it again” scenes as the stunt dude is completely bombarded with a flame blast with no head or face protection, and for an instant the guy is fully engulfed in flame. Anyway only the two kids manage to survive the bloodshed. Flash forward twenty years later… Bo and his beautiful sister are grown up & employed at a hi-tech diamond mineshaft operation located in the desert that looks straight out of a 1960’s sci fi flick. The inseparable pair soon stumble upon the discovery of a legendary supernaturally powered diamond, called the “White Fire.” Both are immediately pursued by a gang of evil villainous thugs who’re dead set on getting their grubby hands on the diamond themselves. Check out this radical poster/box art for the flick:
Well once the pursuit starts, things get outta hand pretty quickly and we witness the bro and sis duo’s bizarrely epic kung fu skills & brother Bo even resorts to grabbing a chainsaw to fuck up a whole gang of goons on a dock. They’re a great team and soon we get to the real weird shit, lots of his sister Ingrid fully nude at a private swimming pool and Bo comes around afterward and rips his sisters towel off her refusing to give it back. They proceed to laugh about it while she’s completely exposed in front of her brother for far far to long. Ahhh that good old innocent brotherly love! Shit gets even weirder when his sister dies soon after while kung fu fighting a whole gang of villainous goons while still sporting her towel, that now refuses to fall off.
Naturally Bo is super duper bummed out to find his sister has been murdered but the next day he runs into a random lady in a bar while greivin’ n’ drinkin’ whom he ends up approaching with an offer she just can’t refuse! 50 grand to get a face transplant from his dead sister and learn to imitate her! Naturally the woman goes for it, because for some reason I’m a bit confused about still, having his sister alive will help them get the diamond or some shit? Whatever, Bo naturally falls in love with the woman and when she gets the face transplant things get mega awkward!! Now she looks identical to his dead sister, but what’s he to do, he’s already madly in love with her!
The rest of the movie’s a blast, iconic bad ass Fred Williamson shows up as a hired bounty hunter dude to raise some hell for the duo and there’s action a plenty to behold, even a dude who gets his crotch fully mangled by a table saw! There’s a surprising amount of gore here sprinkled throughout to compliment the bonkers plot that will leave you continuously scratching your head in confusion. White Fire’s got some rad locations too, most of it takes place in Turkey and it’s a treat to see the city of Istanbul in the 1980s. Directed by Jean-Marie Pallardy, who mainly directed porno flicks, ‘White Fire’ is definitely a party flick worth a watch with a gang of rowdy cinema fiends!
So it’s 2018, Christmas time, and I noticed this year something was missing, Star Wars! Yeah we’ve all gotten a bit used to the Star Wars tradition of a new movie during the month of December, at least I have. Last year I was so damn pumped for ‘The Last Jedi’ and even though I personally thought it was a disaster there was still that excitement going into it during Christmas time. Well this year Disney has left us all with nothing Star Wars related this holiday season. But wait…
Luckily someone has stepped in and delivered one hell of a fan film in it’s place. You see, one of the best Star Wars Youtube channels around, Star Wars Theory, has produced a new short film, actually the first part of a series, and it’s fantastic. With a budget of around one hundred thousand bucks they’ve delivered something that in my opinion rivals some of the cinematic stuff, no question. This follows the rage and fury Darth Vader felt after the events of Episode 3 and his relationship explored with The Emperor. I think Disney could learn a few things from Star Wars Theory on how to produce content fans actually want. Eat your heart out Darth Vader fanatics!
It’s time too take a look at some cool Holiday themed comic book covers from yesteryear! Here’s a great one waaay back from 1991, the Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special! This crazy Christmas tale feature Lobo as he goes on a hunt to execute Santa Claus, why you might ask? Because the jealous drunken Easter Bunny hired him to do it! A super bizarre Christmas adventure features a total bad ass superpowered Santa to who’s ready to throw down with just about anyone. I love this cover art too by Simon Bisley and the odd disclaimers that can be see on it “Seriously suggested for mature readers” and on the bottom right hand corner reads, “WARNING: Contains Bad Taste In The Form Of Ultra-Violence, Icon-Bashing, And “The Finger.” More Offensive Than Christmas Usually Is.” A total classic 90’s odd ball adventure from DC comics!
Wait but THAT’S not all in 2002 someone made this into a damn short film, no kidding check this shit out!!
Hey! Here we are with part two of my hopes and predictions for Star Wars Episode IX, this next installment is quite a deal breaker for the franchise’s future. The Last Jedi was a polarizing film and JJ really needs to rope all the fans back into the arena and get everyone to stop bickering and name calling. How’s he going to accomplish this? Well the last installment I focused on Luke, Rey & Kylo and what I hope to see from them in the next movie, I also included what I think though will actually end up being the case for the characters. One things clear, there’s a lot of fans who’re lacking the enthusiasm they once had for Star Wars, so let’s take a look at some of the remaining characters and figure out just what’d be the winning recipe for Episode IX that just might bring back the disgruntled customers to the franchise!
I loved Finn in The Force Awakens, his character was totally likable and his back story was actually pretty unique as well. Sadly in The Last Jedi he was given a pretty uninspiring side quest that went nowhere not fast enough. I continue to think of all the other more compelling scenarios that could’ve been thought up instead of the whole casino thing and that whole being arrested for parking his ship illegally on the beach and thrown into jail thing. Uggh…such bad writing in my opinion. I hope in Episode IX Finn gets a little more respect and is given a more interesting story arc. I also hope he’s given another chance to wield a lightsaber, he’s got serious potential and needs one of his own for sure. In my opinion also he’d be the best love interest for Rey, him and Rose had absolutely zero chemistry.
Finn’s going to be given serious redemption and JJ’s gonna for sure have a rewarding adventure for him to embark on as well this time around. I’m predicting he’ll use a lightsaber again as well at some point in the movie. He’ll also spend a lot more time with Rey as the two of them had sweet chemistry together in The Force Awakens, I’m also predicting they’ll have some sort of love connection, it makes a lot more sense than the whole “Reylo” theory. I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually saves Rey from Kylo in the first lightsaber duel in the next movie. Whatever the case he’s gonna be utilized in a much more compelling way this time around. I’m guessing that his “relationship” with Rose will be headed into the “friend zone” in the next film.
The Remaining Original Trilogy Characters: Leia, Chewy, Lando, R2D2 & C3P0
Oh how I’d love these characters to get their chance to really shine one more time. It’s a shame how they’ve been shoved to the background especially in the last movie. I’m hoping Chewy gets a ton more screen time and is included this time around as a real supporting character. He was barely in The Last Jedi and when he was he was simply utilized for quick “porg humor”. This time I hope he’s actually in on the action, teaming up and sharing the screen with Lando in the Falcon.
Speaking of Lando I’m hoping he get’s more than a quick cameo, give him a substantial role and perhaps pair him up with the remaining classic cast members. I think it’d be interesting if Lando was so angered by Han’s death that he was fueled to want revenge against Kylo. That’s a scenario we could really feel for his character. Also let’s get C3P0 and R2D2 in this damn movie more, am I the ONLY one who thinks these two need more screen time?! These droids are truly iconic & what’d be amazing would be if Luke didn’t die and could be teamed with the droids and Chewy once again. That however for some reason seems like wishful thinking at this point.
Lastly Leia, sadly there’s not much they can really do with her at this point, they’ve got some footage they can splice etc but since she was pushed to the background in The Last Jedi sadly we’re left with whatever JJ’s got in the vaults. I’d have loved to have seen her use the Force in a different way, I think it would have been amazing if it had been revealed that Luke had indeed trained her as a Jedi (like in the Legends/EU material) and she’d pulled out a lightsaber in The Last Jedi rather than oddly flying through space. But hey that’s just my opinion. All in all I hope they showcase the classic characters more this time around-people still LOVE them!! Continue reading
Ok folks, so obviously we don’t need to discuss ‘The Last Jedi’ anymore, it’s been debated to death! I’ll just say one last time, I thought it was a HUGE disappointment and with each viewing it’s gotten even worse for me personally. That being said, if you think it’s the next best thing since sliced bread I’m not gonna argue with you, it just really a matter of taste. However whatever you think of ‘Episode 8’ one thing is clear, the movie has divided fans & put the Disney Star Wars franchise into serious turmoil. Episode IX is really a make or break film with a lot riding on it’s shoulders. Another major blunder on the last episode of the ‘Skywalker saga’ could seriously tank the whole operation or at least put it under ice for a while if it under performs at the box office. The last thing they need is more bickering, name calling and heated debate within the fan base. So as a reasonable fan of the franchise, who felt that the last installment was the most disappointing sequel in movie history, I’d like to list a few of my hopes and predictions for this controversial movie, Episode IX!
To say I was disappointed with Luke in The Last Jedi is an understatement! Many of us have waited 34 years to see Luke again, one of the most iconic movie heroes in pop culture, as I understand things change sometimes in that amount of time, I think the chance of utilizing Mark Hamill as Luke one last time was fully and carelessly wasted by Rian Johnson. So in Episode IX, I really only have one true hope, that somehow Luke did not actually die. Imagine the excitement in the theater among fans, if someone stepped from the shadows in a pivotal moment, pulled back his hood & revealed he was Luke Skywalker alive in the flesh?! It’d be one of the best twists in the saga and probably movie history. Imagine him igniting his lightsaber to be a real part of the action-fans would go nuts.
Let’s face it, one thing we’ve learned from this third trilogy is that fans wanted more of the original characters, why not utilize them one LAST time instead of hiding them. Rian Johnson kept Leia in a damn coma for most of The Last Jedi, bad move dude! Give us Hamill as the iconic character one last time, let him use his damn lightsaber, stop worrying about him stealing the thunder of the new characters. listen to the fan base like Marvel does. The easiest character to bring back in the next movie is indeed Luke, it makes the most sense, he simply vanished (ahem…with his robotic hand), perhaps he utilized a never before seen force power? Whatever the case, living Luke will be the biggest step in repairing the damage, and who the hell wouldn’t love on last adventure with Luke Skywalker?! This seems like a no-brainer….
Though the idea to bring back Luke in the flesh seems like the obvious thing to do, it’s also what fans at this point are least expecting to happen. What I think’ll likely be the case is that Luke will indeed be a Force Ghost, coming and going throughout the movie to speak to Rey and Kylo. I think JJ will try and excite fans by showing flashbacks of Luke in the past, Hamill de-aged digitally, using his lightsaber and dealing with Kylo when he was in training. He might also throw in Luke’s force ghost in the end to do some sort of force lightning or something snazzy to help out Rey when she’s in a pinch. Though the flashbacks would be interesting and surely enhance the plot, they should have done something like this in ‘The Last Jedi’ to make the Luke / Kylo dynamic hold some weight and emotion. The idea of a force ghost Luke just doesn’t do it for me, bring him back for real one last time for the fans.
So we all know Kylo and Rey will have a rematch but seriously Kylo has already lost at every evil thing he’s attempted, except for killing his dad. So far he seems like a pretty inept villain. I’d at this point like to see the emo man baby actually pull off some sinister shit for once. I’m actually kinda rooting for him, I’m hoping that this next installment can make him into a truly fierce & imposing villain because as it stands right now he’s just a failing bad guy who throws ridiculous temper tantrums. I also hope he stays bad to the bone and is unable to be redeemed, at least then it’d explain why Luke for some reason wanted to murder him in his sleep.
I’d also like to see Kylo with a damn mask again, at least when going into public or battle to protect himself, now that Snoke is gone he can wear that shit like he wanted to from the start without his boss ripping on him all the time. Even better would be if Kylo’s appearance was being affected by the dark side of the force and his face was beginning to look more messed up like Emperor Palpatine. That would add a truly frightening side to the character as someone who was truly evil and past the point of no return. They’ve gotta do something with him to make him a convincing villain now that Snoke is cut in two. I’d like to see Kylo either bite the dust at the end or actually win!
I think JJ will indeed be making some changes to Ren to make him a more fearsome villain, I assume as well he’s got to pull off some truly epically evil stuff as well as beating Rey in a lightsaber battle near the middle of the movie. I mean Rey has got to be defeated at some point to bring some sort suspense to the plot right? So I think Ren will indeed get his moment to win early on, however I think he’ll also get his redemption near the end. I think there’s going to be some other larger threat that will force Ren to become ‘Ben Solo’ again. My guess is he’s going to sacrifice himself at the end for the greater good.
I’d like to see Rey finally have some real struggle, maybe too little too late for anyone to care but in order for me to personally get invested in her character at this point I’m going to have to believe that she’s in some sort of real danger and can actually be defeated. So far she’s been able to pretty much do anything she wants with little to no effort, whether beating Kylo Ren in a lightsaber duel the first time, picking up huge boulders to save everyone, being an ace piloting the Falcon the first time etc.
I’m hoping for some real turmoil for her character. At this point I’m not really concerned about who her parents are but it’d be nice for them to explain why she’s been able to kick so much ass without the experience needed to do so. I’m not too invested in her character after TLJ, though I did though really enjoy her arc in ‘The Force Awakens’, but in my opinion she hasn’t had much of a struggle in the first two movies. Everything has come a bit too easy thus far at least.
Rey will indeed do some “failing” finally in the last installment, if not the character will continue to be ridiculed and be called a “Mary Sue” by triggered fans. The movies so far have gotten too much negativity about her character being unstoppable & I don’t think they can just keep having her win at everything. I also think JJ will indeed give us a reason why she seems so naturally powerful, one that I believe he had in mind from the start. I also think Ren was simply lying to her about being a nobody. There will indeed be a big reveal about her past that will explain why she became a bad ass without any sort of training. Yes in the end I believe she will turn Kylo from the dark side and the two will team up against a “new threat” at the end of the movie.
Ok Stay tuned for part 2 cuz there’s lots more to chat about! Let me know what you think & if you are excited for Episode IX!
So for a while there was a lot of talk about the anthology “A Star Wars Story” movies that were potentially in the works, that was until ‘SOLO’ bombed at the box office. An Obi Wan movie, a Boba Fett and even talk of a Lando solo adventure. However the one that interested me the most was the idea of a Yoda movie, where we follow the adventures of a younger Yoda. This for a while seemed like an actual possibility but besides Solo’s failure in theaters, Frank Oz had stated a Yoda movie would simply be too difficult to articulate the puppet for a feature length movie and would likely need to be fully CGI. I think it could be done, utilizing both old school puppetry blended with CGI. The more I’ve thought about it all the better the idea seems to me, that Yoda should indeed get his own movie though.
So in response to Frank Oz, I think doing incredible puppetry in 2018 with the Disney budget doesn’t seem all that impossible, especially with green screens, CGI being able to erase wires, strings & actors who’re controlling it’s actions. I think utilizing CGI as well to bring Yoda to life in full body shots / lightsaber duels is indeed a must but using puppetry for close ups is also a must. It would be the perfect mixture of both to make everyone’s green Jedi really come to life in an epic full length adventure. Doing it the way they did back in 70’s though? Yeah, I’m certain that’d be quite a headache, though in the 80’s they pulled it off beautifully in the ambitious Dark Crystal.
Which leads me to the next point, imagine a Yoda movie that was more of a modern mix of The Dark Crystal and Star Wars. A spin-off Star Wars Story that maximized the use of real Puppets, exotic locations/sets and a stronger blend of old school fx blended with todays modern tech. It’d definitely be something different for a Star Wars movie especially in this day and age of total overuse of CG in blockbusters. I imagine someone like Guillermo del Toro at the helm, or at least someone who truly loves practical fx work, epic fantasy and incredible monsters. Just the hype of the movie featuring heavy puppetry alone I think would bring something truly unique to the table for today’s young and old fans of the franchise. They could even add some animatronic modifications to the Yoda puppet, giving him more complex facial expressions & get help from The Jim Henson Company to bring it all to life. I bet you’d have a hit on your hands at the box office. Continue reading
I’ve been flying through a ton of VHS tapes lately which can be a ton of fun and also a total drag sometimes! A lot of these old 80’s horror movies have pretty impressive VHS cover art, they look like they’re gonna be a lost fucking gem, however you truly just can’t judge a book by it’s cover, or in these particular cases, a movie. Anyway it’s always a gamble and sometimes you do indeed end up with a hidden gem or at least something that’s so damn stupid that it’s a thoroughly entertaining shiny cinematic terd. So here’s the verdict on some VHS tapes I’ve scored recently! CHECK IT!!
Nightmare at Bitter Creek (1988):
Here’s a little movie that turned out to be a ton of fun, we get a psycho killer/survival flick with instead of annoying teenagers, we’re treated to a group of middle age ladies on a camping excursion with a middle aged Tom Skerritt as their hard drinkin’ tuff guy guide. Oh and he also has this rad dog named “Buster” that everyone seems to be a bit too obsessed with. Anyway, they all head of into the woods of the Sierra Mountains, sounds like fun huh? Well there’s also a crazed group of Neo-nazi killers who’re hellbent on shooting everyone in sight roaming around the woods. This one’s got some pretty decent characters (Buster included), super breathtaking locations, creepy atmosphere and for a PG-13 flick a good amount of action & violence especially in it’s final act. Not entirely a horror movie, it’s still got enough going for it to please fans of the genre, I dug it for sure! Here’s the whole damn movie via Youtube:
Here’s another one that was a pretty fun time as well, especially if you like cheezy 80’s ski movies and also idiotic horror. I know I do! So yeah, this one is 80’s as hell, totally over the top fashion, big hair, bad ski moves on the slopes, bad editing, idiotic characters and even a wannabe “mystery” at it’s core. It’s also basically one quarter soft core porno as well, there’s a bunch of “steamy” sex scenes strewn about Iced’s messy story. It’s all in all a really stupidly entertaining watch, directed by Jeff Kwitney who also directed “Amok Train” aka “Beyond the Door III” from 1989 which I love. ‘Iced’ turned out to be a good ridiculous party movie filled to the brim with stupid shit and an opening credits scene that looks like it was put together by a high school AV club. In this case though instead of being a total bore this one delivered enough schlocky fun to make it a fully worth while view. If you like dumb movies, this one surely delivers – and that final scene is a total treat!
I was pretty excited to check this “horror” flick out when I ran across it, basically it’s about some mysterious tombs that are discovered in the catacombs beneath Rome that release an evil force and also stars Donald Pleasance! Sounds like a damn good time huh? Unfortunately this one is a total bore, lots of character development and bland dialogue for uninteresting characters and lots of roaming around in dim caverns. Like lots of it. At one point I decided to watch the movie on fast forward until FINALLY something happened at the end that seemed somewhat interesting, however I’ve already forgotten what it was. This ones a real winner, if you’re having a hard time falling asleep it’ll bore you into a serious slumber. Here’s the trailer, trust me it’s not as cool as they make it out to be..
Here’s a sweet little movie that’s a ton of fun if you’re not expecting a heck of a lot! Invader features a dude who works at an over the top tabloid paper reporting on weird stories who gets involved in a ‘wicked’ mysterious Alien conspiracy. The dude sneaks onto an air force base and witnesses some ultra secret super powered jet being tested and ends up paired with a bad ass military Captain when he’s caught there snoopin’ around. From this point on the movie features a pretty rad “buddy style” team up with the two and really from the start it’s totally entertaining albeit dumb sci-fi romp full of pretty ridiculous action sequences as well as some pretty surprising well timed comedy. I had zero expectations so perhaps that’s why this one seemed like such a fun time? Still there totally were some impressive yet cheezy fx work at hand and the “final boss” battle features some radical old school stop motion animation to look forward to as well! Gotta love it, check this out sometime if you’re looking for a entertaining cheez-filled early 90’s sci fi adventure!