Of course you guessed it this movie was produced by Charles Band! Never has the idea of intergallactic monster boxing sounded so awesome! I am on the hunt ofr this one but of course it’s nowhere to be found on Ebay or Amazon. I am sure you can find some downloads online but another cool place to get crazy rare movies on dvd is Ioffer.com check that out too!

If you haven’t heard already this one is produced by the Shaun of the Dead guys and it shows throughout the entire movie, right down to Nick Frost’s role as a slacker pot dealer middle man. Pretty much the same dude he played on ‘Shaun’. The movie however is a bit different, as it follows a group of asinine teenagers in London who stumble upon an alien creature, shot down from space like a meteor, while mugging a defenseless neighborhood woman. As the groups teen leader is briefly attacked by the monkey like alien, the woman flees and the teens become dead set on chasing down the creature and putting it down. However in doing so it ends of being the worst mistake of their life, as shortly thereafter dozens more bigger, deadlier aliens are shot down from space into their hood. From this point on the movie goes into hyper drive, with fierce action, gore and suspense that will likely please any fan of good classic monster movies of yesterday.

There’s been a lot of critics who have put this flick down saying that there’s not a likable character in the whole lot. Just a group of mean spirited teens acting like a troupe of jackasses. I however disagree, first off they probably act like real kids today which make the characters much more believable and in fact in the end I think this movie does a nice job at showing that these misfits DO indeed have heart and a conscience.

Lastly though the aliens of this movie aren’t likely to hold a candle to creatures like say the Predator or Gremlins, but they are fairly well done with practical monster effects and quite tasteful CG. Nothing looks too outwardly fake, perhaps their simple design worked it their favor, but honestly the focus is not really on the creatures of this flick, it’s just a great chase & survival movie jam packed with action, the way it used to be delivered in movies. Simple fun, with a group of misunderstood teens armed with illegal fireworks, samurai swords and gas filled squirt guns. If you get a chance check this one on the big screen, if you’re a fan of creature features you won’t wanna miss it!

This box office bomb has it all really, super awesome 1980′s monsters are everywhere in this movie and even better they are throwin’ down with each other constantly! What’s better really than monsters duking it out? It’s kinda like the same concept as a Godzilla movie really. Now some may argue that the movie has something even better going for it- Heather Locklear!

Yeah it’s hard to argue that she wasn’t one of the hottest 80′s chicks on the scene way back then and the fact that she’s in this movie makes her that much more rad! All in all this movie hardly takes itself seriously and that makes it all the more fun.

I have to say in comparison to Wes Craven’s take  which I love, I’d have to say this one wins the battle hands down. It really makes you appreciate those good old creature effects of the 80′s too as this one definitely improved on the first films monsters. Yeah you know this movie tries really hard to be funny too, the fact is it’s really not. Which in a weird way makes it even better!!  So if you’re looking for a good super hero flick and have never seen this don’t wait this second chapter of  Swamp Thing won’t disappoint fans of campy monster movies! However keep in mind this flick most likely makes Alan Moore wanna vomit!!!

So can anyone out there tell me if this looks good next to the comic book?

Here’s the Twitch Synopsis: The doc jumps off from the conceit] that the Norwegian government has been hiding the fact that they have a secret population of trolls – real, actual trolls – living on game preserves in the far north of the country, kept safe and secure and out of the public eye to prevent mass panic should people realize that these fairy tale creatures are real. Those high tension power lines you see stretching out over the horizon in unpopulated areas, seemingly going nowhere? Not power lines at all but an electric fence to keep the beasts contained.

I know the whole false documentary thing is a little over played nowdays but I think  this movie has enough originality going for it with it’s subject matter so far to make it stand out on it’s own. As you know I’m a sucker for a good monster movie and though this one seems to bare alot in common with Cloverfield and maybe that 90′s movie Twister, these newly released clips have got me pretty dang excited!! Make sure to check out the other clips after the trailer-you’ll get a little more Troll in those…

Razorback directed by Russel Mulcahy, who went on later to direct the Highlander films, was a work of art as it followed the story of a crazed Hogzilla in the Australian outback who’s on a killing spree. It’s been most effectively described as Jaws on land. With amazing effects and stunning cinematography this relatively unknown horror flicks remains as one of my fav monster movies of the 80′s. 

It’s also one which I need to find on dvd (I do however own the vhs version). Set against an ultra bleak and desolate landscape, this movie’s charm lies in the fact that the monster hog is never really exploited onsceen and only brief images are incredibly effective at capturing the true horror the the big pig himself. If you’ve never seen this movie I highly recommend tracking it down as it definately does NOT disappoint. Check out the mighty hog from Razorback below..

So naturally I was pretty pumped to find that there was a new crazed giant boar flick hitting the shelves this last week. The “mighty” Pig Hunt however did not live up to it’s reputation. It followed the basic horror movie backwoods formula, a bunch of douche bag jackasses are headed out on a hunting trip on the search for wild boar, they meet up with some skeezy red necks who offer to be their guides and ultimately reveal to them the legend of the mighty hogzilla.

 Things go wrong when one of the red necks oversteps his boundries and ends up dead by a gun shot wound from the movie’s heroes. This sends our stereotypical cast of “handsome’ mysterious hero and his “hot” girlfriend, token black guy along with his irritating sidekick and finally the wimpering chubby loser into a game of cat and mouse with a whole family of inbreds lead by a backwoods priest played by none other than Les Claypool who also wrote all the music for this movie. But it’s not until the movies third act that anything even remotely interesting goes down.

Our heroes run into a hippie commune full of women straight out of Maxim Magazine who apparently worship the mighty pig and occasionally leave horses bound in the woods as an offering to the mighty beast. Finally in about the last five minute of the movie we actually get to see this creature, who for the most part is entirely done with animatronics and puppety. Usually that’s right up my alley, but unfortunately there’s not much you can do to make a final showdown interesting using a puppet pig head almost entirely for every shot. It could have been alot worse if they attempted to create a cg monster with their limited budget. So kudos to them for doing it the old school way. What can you really expect though from the director of Skinwalkers though-that movie was a craptastic mega terd and maybe even one of the worst werewolf movies ever!  The movie could have been great had it not been a rehash of shit we’ve seen so many damn times before done ten times better. So ultimately in the end if you are looking for a superior monster movie take a little time and hunt down the classic Razorback. It looks better and is a hell of alot more interesting!  Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to go find my own dvd copy on Ebay thank you!

Yeah my friday night consisted of drying my laundry at the laundromat, drinkin’ wine alone and giving good old Costner another chance. I was curious too, has Costner even been in a theatrically released movie in the past 5 years?? Well anyway it didn’t matter as I was ready to get drunk and watch a timid generic thriller and probably dose off.

Anyway I will say the movie indeed started off like the usual PG-13 thriller, Cos moves to a new home with his son and daughter and not long after she begins to  act strangely after hearing whispers in the new house. It was totally on parin the begining with Dragonfly, which I think was the closest thing Costner has done to a horror movie. However very soon in the film I was pleasantly surprised when outside the girls room, we hear a creepy moan and then we get a glimpse of a monster crawling around on their roof!! At this point I was totally delighted and my eyes perked up-because let’s face it-every movie gets ten times better when suddenly a monster appears in it!!

So we then discover that on their property is a huge creepy mound that his kids seem to for some reason enjoy to hang out next too. Soon the daughter begins to act violently, diggin’ around in the mud at night and flat out disrepectin’ Costner any chance she gets. Soon Costner does a little research of his own and meets up with a Professor who tells him that an ancient race of creatures called “mound walkers” live on his land in the mound (duh) and are planning on mating with his daughter! So you can guess what happens next right? It’s a bit of battle between him and these weirdo pervy monsters on his land as they try and steal his daughter for what they hope ends up to be the ultimate orgy.

Anyway I was pleasantly suprised by these monsters who actually were pretty cool when you could see them-though they did remind me a bit of the Creepers from The Descent, but whatever-I never imagined this would turn into a faily enjoyable monster flick! I am NOT going to say this movie changed my life or anything I am just going to say if you’re out at the video store and completely hurting for ideas of what possibly to watch you may wanna forgive Costner for Waterworld just one more time and pick up this flick…. 

A decade after Joe Dante made INNER SPACE, a Norwegian woman made a movie about a boy and his grandpa’s kidney stone. What follows is a disturbing art film about bodily functions and fluids.  Get ready for a swim! (WARNING: gross stuff ahead)

BODY TROOPERS-CHASING THE KIDNEYSTONE Poster

Simon lives with his grandpa, a widowed saxophonist, and they have a self-pitying stuffed bear that talks like a hot dog salesman. The night before grandpa’s jazz band reunion show (whom grandma sang for) he wakes up Simon with the kind of groaning that a football to the crotch or bad burrito will induce. Feeling helpless, the boy and the whiny bear bust out a chemistry set and shrink Simon to microbial size.

It all starts with grandpa’s mouth (specifically his giant lip and tongue). Simon steps over taste buds the size of basketballs, some of which talk. A lot. They even have telephones.

Bitter Bud on her flesh phone.

They are disturbed by the boy and want to know how he tastes. Bitter bud calls the Brain.

Are we not dendrites? We are B-R-A-I-N.

But Brain is super busy with some other BS and doesn’t send the message in time for Simon to slip past. Next we meet a boy with shark fins on his head who seems to be a white blood cell. He is bathing in a geyser of grandpa spit.

A luxurious spit bath.

He’s bossy and calls Simon a dork after falling to his near death in the lungs (don’t worry, grandpa coughs).  When you think this movie can’t get any more wrong? It gets wronger. Simon strips to his tighty whitey skivvies and pumps up a spit gland with his foot for a rinse and a refreshing drink. Um, gross?

Wet your whistle with grandpa's spittle.

We also meet “bad breath”, a smudgy fellow that resembles a flea whose redeeming quality is a fumigating pouch that makes the creepy taste buds pass out and shut up.

He's smelling his own breath in there.

After passing by the vocal chord pipe organist with a spiral hairdo that operates on macabre drawings of grandpa screaming, rude shark cell boy and Simon wriggle into grandpa’s cigarette-loving lungs (AKA: La Brea Lung Pits). There are ancient alveoli with dreadlocks and ragged mops that serve no other purpose than to smear the lumpy tar around. A young alveoli lass is swinging on a lung tendril (didn’t know about those, did you!) and joins their quest. A kid-style love triangle ensues.

Romance amongst the tar.

They make their way to the heart and discover the Princess, who is sealed up in an aorta tower. After consulting a horde of misc body parts they discover grandpa ails from a pokey crystalline kidney stone that can be dismantled with good ole pee water.  They work their way to the anus and bladder through the stomach, but only after slippity sliding down the esophagus lined with green bile.

Slide slide slippety slide in the mud muck miggity muck.

They go for a nice swim in the stuff, too, but get plucked out by what appears to be a bear trap orb and end up in the appendix where a witchy head mistress punishes her black-eyed worker men for craving sweets.

Does this really need a fart joke? Or is it gross enough already.

Fresh off a Parisian runway.

She vomits on anyone who defies her.

No really, keep that straight face. Not like its gross or anything (heave).

Finally we are in the bladder where a massive crystalline orb splinters off into kidney stone yeti’s that somersault and yell “booga booga!!”. The fight scenes with these creatures are epic and the costumes are actually quite incredible. After collecting enough urine in a stolen fumigating pouch (from our pal bad breath), they spray down the booga crystal ninjas and finally, the big stone itself.

Mama kidney stone and her sleeping crystal ninja babies.

A crystalline ninja yeti that gives grandpa the hurt.

Grandpa takes a wiz and passes the stone. After splashing in a river of pee, they have a good laugh.

This is a scene where grandpa PEES ON SCREEN. You can even see the pee streak. What a world!

They make their way back to the heart, where the princess plops down from her perch to thank them. And whaddya know, its grandma.

All in all, this movie is super trippy and (score) the highest in budget yet reviewed! The sets were phenomenal with occasional accents of simple CGI and claymation (a flock of hormones like pterydactyls from the mind of Ray Harryhausen). The costumes were imaginative and complex, as was the make-up and lighting. Ultimately it was filmed, lit and directed well but acted stiffly by three kiddos who looked lost in their mom’s closet for two hours. But it is so damn weird. My daughter sort of liked it? But wanted to know “why the little shark boy is so mean”. She’s got me there. Anatomy nerds and LSD users should really dig this movie.

In junior high I was shown the MIRACLE OF LIFE documentary, which was effective birth control for many years. To instill basic hygiene by fear, show your kids this movie. They will learn all about bad breath, UTI’s and stomach bile, and top it off with a bonus long hot shower to wash the movie away.