Filed under: bad movies, Horror Whore, Movies | Tags: 1988, bad movie night, DVD, film, greydon clark, Horror, house cat, kitty, Movie, mutant, night shadows, review, uninvited
The year was 1988 and it was time to finally bring the family house cat to the forefront of modern TERROR!!!! Yeah watching “Uninvited” for the first time was quite a treat. This is one that will most definitely be making the cut for Bad Movie Night!
The story is simple a shady laboratory is doing some strange experimenting on a cute little orange house cat and have determined that this little fur ball has a weird tumor growing inside of him. However these numb nut doctors accidentally let him escape, it doesn’t take much as the cat strolls out of the lab pretty leisurely while the security team is frantically on it’s trail. This is when we all first get a glimpse of the “univited” early on, this darling little cat has some crazed devil rat cat living inside it’s body. Whenever this cat gets pissed off it crawls out of it’s mouth and gives an ass kicking to anyone who steps in it’s damn way!
Pretty fucking rad huh? Well when you see this little pathetic monster who looks like he’s been swimming in Crisco cooking grease all day you may think otherwise. Every he graces the screen though I guarantee you’ll have a big fat fucking smile on your face. Anyway this cat, who’s constantly meowing without his mouth opening, ends up hopping aboard a yacht owned by a dirty money hungry gangster and a bunch of wise ass hot shot college kids. The year is 1988, that sure is clear in this flick, you get an ultra second rate music score that sounds like it was written by Boy George’s stepbrother’s cousin, impromptu dance parties, skanky 80′s babes who invite strange random dudes on a weekend sea cruise after only meeting them for literally sixty seconds. This sets the stage for an ocean boat ride of sheer idiotic terror!
We’ve got a boatload full of irritating eighties jerk offs and a cute cuddly kitty, who always looks like a completely different cat every time he shows up, with a belly full of evil ready to go ballistic anytime it gets mildly annoyed. Greydon Clark, wrote this movie must have had some serious feline issues as it’s hard to believe this concept was stretched into a full feature length film.
Still when you see the Crisco drenched devil rat cat crawling in and out of the puppet house cat’s mouth again and again it makes this shiny terd of a movie a worthwhile treat. Next time I view it I’ll make sure it’s with a room full of friends and a LOT o’ booze. Don’t miss it as it’s out on a double feature dvd now with another movie called Mutant from 1984 originally called Night Shadows, which I can only hope is as rad as Uninvited….
Filed under: Real Life Monsters | Tags: Blob, caught on camera, creature, deepstaria enigmata, drilling, film, monster, sea, squid, united kingdom
But it might as well be! I just first saw this amazing video last night-at first I was certain a new sea creature was discovered! Well unfortunately a scientist already identified it as a deep sea squid. Either way it’s new to me and totally amazing that this beast was captured on camera while drilling off coast of the UK. It’s pretyy much the strangest thing I have seen in quite sometime-proof to us monster obsessed geeks that real monsters do exist right here on earth! Yay!! Now let’s just hope we never run into this thing while snorkling!
Filed under: Comics, Movies, Marvel | Tags: bret spiner, casting, christina hendricks, film, giant man, hank pym, Mad Men, Movie, review, sequel, She Hulk, Star Trek, The Avengers, the avengers 2, the black panther, the vision, the wasp, trailer, wesley snipes
Everyone is Avengers crazy at the moment and for good reason, the movie was RAD! So I asked the question what’s next for the team? Supposedly another Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk (though not confirmed) and Nick Fury movie in the works first before we get a second Avengers installment. Personally I think they should skip all the solo films and just start planning the sequel. Do we all wanna wait 5 more years to get another Avengers movie? Not me!
With a second movie we will most definitely get more Avengers! But who will be the new team members? Listen up Marvel because Universal Dork is going to give you the winning choices!! So let’s get started!
1. Giant Man
First I must say this- Why the hell was Hank Pym not in the Avengers movie?!! They should have skipped Hawkeye & Black Widow and given
us Giant Man and The Wasp! I mean how great would it have been to have seen The Hulk battle in NYC from The Ultimates with Giant Man towering above the buildings? This next movie is the perfect opportunity to bring him into the fold!
Casting Choice: Aaron Ekhart
2. The Wasp
Well if we are going to bring in Pym then of course we need The Wasp! These two go hand in hand and their relationship is quite an interesting one. She’s always dealing with Hank’s abusive behavior and if you read the Ultimates you know this would be a great story to tell! When Cap goes after Giant Man after he nearly kills the Wasp with bug spray was easily one of my favorite moments of the series!
Casting Choice: Lucy Liu (Ultimates version)
3. She-Hulk
Aside from being the hottest woman in comic books we have the perfect opportunity to bring in Jennifer Walters and She-Hulk. We already have The Hulk on board so it would be a great story in the next movie to have Ruffalo have to save his cousin with that blood transfusion. Plus who the hell doesn’t want to see a real She-Hulk in the flesh?! In this case I would highly advise NOT CG-ing her. Get a good make up artist and actually digitally enlarge her. All the fan boys wanna see the real thing this time!
Casting Choice: Christina Hendricks
4. The Vision
Yes!! The Vision is easily one of the coolest comic characters ever!!
He’s a staple Avenger, an Android and his wife is a human mutant the Scarlet Witch! I say if they decide to pass on Giant Man and The Wasp then we have to see the messed up story of a woman who falls in love with a robot!!!
Casting Choice: Bret Spiner (Duh! At least Voicing)
5. The Black Panther
Another obvious choice, the king of Wakanda needs to kick some serious ass in this next installment. Recruiting him would be a blast too as The Avengers could travel to his homeland and even get into a scuffle there in the Jungle! The Avengers need a little more color in their team, Nick fury behind the scenes just ain’t enough! T’challa however could be a whole franchise of his own as well…
Casting Choice: Wesley Snipes (if he gets out of prison! Plus he was a good Blade and already expressed interest in playing this charcter)
What do you think??
Filed under: Movies, Music, Sci Fi, Star Trek | Tags: film, j.j. abrams, Leonard Nimoy, Movie, sequel, star trek 2, startrek 3, the search for spock, theme song, tos, zachary quinto
Here’s a little video clip for anyone interested in Spock. It’s a dancehall track I wrote in honor of the legendary Vulcan and I recently put it up on Youtube for the whole galaxy to enjoy!
I also put up a Mister Saturday Bandcamp page so you can download some hardcore nerdcore for free….
Anyway check it out if you haven’t already!
Filed under: bad movies, Horror Whore, Movies | Tags: critters 2, easter, easter bunny, film, gremlins, holiday, Horror, kill! kill!, kottentail, mick garris, Movie, peter rottentail, themed
Guess what? Easter Sunday is only a couple days away and I’m sure you’re all wondering what the heck are you going to watch later that night while munching down on all your chocolate Cadbury eggs? Well fear not fellow dorks that’s why I’m here to save your Easter with some useless knowledge!
Let me tell you there aren’t too many Easter themed horror movies out there and with the few there are to choose from it’s crucial you don’t waste your time this year. There are some newer movies like “Peter Rottentail”, “Easter Bunny, Kill Kill!” and “Kottentail” that you could waste your time with. All of them look like they’re filmed by high school students filming using their cell phones. So if that’s what you’re into don’t hesitate. I however will be watching the one and only great Easter themed movie….Critters 2!
The first Critters was pretty great obviously borrowing on the trend that the Gremlins started. Well part 2 is actually pretty damn fun also. Directed by Mick Garris this 1988 classic hits heavy on the Easter theme as the residents of the small town of Grover’s Bend mistake Critter eggs for Easter eggs, use them for the yearly egg hunt and soon they are rolling rampant wrecking havoc on the town! They even attack the Easter Bunny himself! So people make no mistake about it it’s Easter themed horror at it’s best…
Filed under: bad movies, childhood nostalgia, Movies | Tags: 4, film, freddy kruger, GI JOE, Halloween, Michael Bay, michael myers, Movie, remake, teenage mutant ninja turtles, TIm Burton, TMNT, Transformers
I really don’t spend too much time thinking about Michael Bay or the fact that he likes to takes everything we loved from our yesteryears as children and teenagers and turns them into a pile of dirty Depends. Really the more I think about it all the more I really really just don’t care anymore! Yeah he had a shot at making an amazing Transformers movie but did you really think anyone in mainstream Hollywood was going to make some totally cool movie version really in this day and age?
Fat chance, every now and again we get something really good these days like The Dark Knight or Hellboy II from Hollywood. But all you fanboys and gals out there need to get over it and move on already! You want to watch a good Transformers movie? Then watch the classic Transformers movie from the 80′s! Are you pissed that Bay has got his hands on the Teenage…or um, sorry excuse me, “Ninja Turtles” franchise? Well then read the original series from the mid 1980′s because you know what? They already fucked up the film when they made it in 1990, I remember back in the day I thought the movie was a watered down shitty ass kiddie version of the dark themes of the original books.
Sure today I accept it and even have a soft spot for the live action cheez of the early 90′s TMNT films complete with Vanilla Ice lets not forget. Sure Bay making a movie will suck big time of course but it’s not like it’s going to be competing against cinematic genius of the original Turtles movies!
So yeah now he’s going to make some Halloween movies. He’s already ruined Freddy, Jason & Leatherface so for him to leave out Mike Myers would be sorta just incomplete in the grand scheme in the shittiest way possible. Besides Rob Zombie already put a lame spin on the franchise when he tried to remake them!
So really at this point who cares? Personally I’m a little tired of Michael Myers anyway I mean the guy doesn’t even speak for cryin’ out loud. People now do you all really need to see him in yet another damn film anyway?! I mean we’ve got like ten films as it is!! Same really goes for Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Chucky ect ect ect….I if want to see a good film I’ll watch the originals. I just don’t care anymore-I’m tired of schlock that they try to spoon feed us-so you know what? I just am not going even bother anymore. Personally there are a lot more exciting things going on that are new and fresh ideas-Did you all see Attack the Block last year? Or Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil? There are still NEW ideas out there being made that are great. But people don’t expect Hollywood to churn out classics anymore of your favorite childhood nostalgia-watching these major blockbuster movies is like eating shitty junk food and washing it down with some neon colored extreme Gatorade. Sooner or later you’re gonna puke and instead eat something that in the end is better for you and made with a little more care.
So I say Michael Bay, Tim Burton & all you other modern day hacks eat your heart out-go crazy-remake it all! Rob our childhoods! I probably won’t even notice that it’s happening because I have got the classics still and can’t wait for the next new fresh ideas to hit the screens or my dvd player. But the rest of you people stop going and see all this shitty cinema and then complaining! You are all the reason that he keeps on making more shit in the end….
Filed under: Movies | Tags: action, dance dance revolution, film, gareth evans, hard boiled, iko uwais, indonesia, indonesian, martial arts, Movie, redemption, review, Rocky, Sylvester Stallone, the expendables 2, the fp, the raid
Well here are a couple action flicks I dare any major studio to try and beat! Sorry Stallone I am sure your upcoming PG-13 Expendables II will be fun but in comparison “The Raid: Redemption” it’s going to most likely end up looking like an episode of GI Joe from the eighties! But so far from what I heard The Raid is being hailed as arguably the best action flick of all time. So far by seeing several clips and hearing the synopsis it’s quite possible this Indonesian film will win the medal!
“Deep in the heart of Jakarta’s slums lies an impenetrable derelict apartment building which became a safe house for the world’s most dangerous killers and gangsters. The rundown apartment block has been considered untouchable to even the bravest of police. Cloaked under the cover of pre-dawn darkness and silence, an elite team is tasked with raiding the building in order to take down the notorious drug lord who runs it. But when a chance encounter with a spotter blows their cover and news of their assault reaches the drug lord, the building’s lights are cut off and all exits are blocked. Stranded on the 6th floor with no way out, the unit must fight their way through the city’s worst criminals to survive their mission.”
The next movie looks like it just has to be seen to be believed. It’s opening this week in Portland Oregon where I live and yeah well it looks like the most ridiculous action movie of all time. “The FP” involves two rival gangs who do battle by way of deadly games of Dance Dance Revolution. Yeah you heard that right somehow you can die by playing this game, I am not sure how but apparently in this movie anything can happen!
Obviously this movie wasn’t meant to be taken seriously-but if it had been it would have been even more brilliant! Listen to some of the dialogue for cryin’ out loud! I am not sure if the idea loses it’s charm quickly in this movie but I am willing to bet you never see anything quite like it ever again! This is the “Rocky” of lame dance games! Check it!
Filed under: Horror Whore, Movies | Tags: 2011, alternate version, Animatronics, cgi, effects, film, john carpenter, monster, Movie, original cut, original version, practical, prequel, puppetry, reshot, review, sequel, special edition, Special Effects, The Thing
I finally got around to watching “The Thing” 2011 prequel I have been trying to avoid for so long. The original 1982 movie of the same name is probably my favorite monster movie of all time! So giving this new movie a chance after hearing about how shitty it was really was a hard thing to do-but I decided to see for myself if the movie sucked as bad as the reviews suggested. My verdict? Yeah it was pretty damn sucky.
First of all this movie was really not much of a prequel. It was basically a remake that tried to do everything the original did but just ten times less impressive. Sure it linked at the end to the Carpenter version but overall this movie didn’t bring anything new to the table. The story was pretty bland, as were the characters even though the movie was pretty well shot and looked very similar to the original-all except for the special effects.
Now we all know that the 1982 version is really the king of practical monster effects. It still remains to this day as perhaps the most creepy and realistic looking effects on screen. The new version however looked as fake and pathetic as ever. Like something out of DOOM interacting with real people. But was it always meant to be that bad? I guess not. The movie originally boasted that no CGI would be used and from what I have read 80% of it was shot with bad ass practical monster effects. Then when the movie was show to the studio they were told the monsters were too slow and they needed the monsters to be jumping around more ect. So they had to go back and reshoot and mostly cover up the old effects with CGI to give it a more modern look. By modern it ended up getting a more fake video gamey look that the kids love so much today. Anyway I am curious-is there a version out there with the original effects?! How about releasing a special edition original cut version? Well here’s a little video that shows you some of the magic that could have been in the 2011 version…
Filed under: Movies | Tags: 1980's, ben kingsley, comedy, film, guy ritchie, jude law, michale caine, Movie, murder by decree, robert downey jr., sherlock holmes, young sherlock holmes
I finally got around to check out the latest Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Jr. and it was exactly what I thought it was going to be,a dumb fun romp of a movie. No surprises really there I enjoyed it quite a bit like the first installment however this Guy Ritchie Sherlock was COMPLETELY different than any Sherlock that we’ve ever seen or known of. This confused some and made others angry as Holmes was never an all out crazed brawler in the past. This didn’t bother me too much, sure it didn’t really feel like I was watching a real Sherlock adventure but I don’t mind a different take on classic characters every now and then. That’s why I urge any of you people out there looking for a great different Sherlock Holmes movie to check out “Without a Clue” from 1988.
This is definitely a different take on our beloved hero. In this movie Holmes played brilliantly by Michael Caine is actually a boozing unemployed dufus actor who couldn’t find his way out of a public restroom. The brains behind the operation is secretly Watson played by Ben Kingsley, who creates the persona of Sherlock Holmes so he can solve crimes secretly while trying to secure a position at a highly respectable medical practice. This is quite an interesting take on the legend and it’s a helluva good time.
It’s a treat seeing the bumbling Holmes taking orders from Watson, watching Sherlock hog the spotlight with out a clue as to what the hell he is talking about as he fools Scotland Yard into thinking he’s a superhuman crime solving super hero. It’s a perfect anti-buddy comedy as soon Sherlock’s got everyone fooled and is soon chosen to solve the movies mystery on his own as Watson is suddenly “killed” in a plot by the evil Moriaty and suddenly he has to try and play the part of the legend on his own for real.
I love the period of Sherlock Holmes that’s part of the charm for me with these movies but this one is just a splendid 1980′s movie that’s a perfect watch alongside “Murder by Decree” & “Young Sherlock Holmes” which is hands down my favorite Sherlock flick ever. Though the movie back in the 80′s received relatively poor reviews I think it’s charming little adventure. If you get the craving for more mysterious adventure make sure to check out this often overlooked lil’ gem!
Filed under: Horror Whore, Movies | Tags: abe, abraham lincoln, asshole, film, Movie, night watch, president, racist, review, russian, tim bekmambetov, TIm Burton, trailer, vampire hunter
Ok so let me first say that I thought Abe Lincoln in reality was pretty much a total dickhead. Yeah normally when you think of him from what we “learned” in school he’s thought of as man who ended slavery. While that’s essentially true what is often not spoken of is the fact that he actually was a racist weenie.
Don’t believe it do a little quick research and you can find out how this jerk really felt about the whole situation here are a few of his words you can easily find in seconds upon searching:
“I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races [the crowd applauds] – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people, and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the black and white races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1858
Yeah what a prick huh? Well that kinda sours a movie hitting the theaters soon for me, Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter. I just watched the trailer today and it looks pretty rad! This is obviously a fictionalized Lincoln, kinda like a What If? comic. Like what if Lincoln wasn’t a racist douche and actually fought vampires?!
I love the period of the movie and the fact that Russian director Tim Bekmambetov, who’s most well known for the Night Watch & Day Watch movies that were a good time, though not quite as epic as I had hoped they’d be. Also the movie is produced by Tim Burton, not that that means anything to anyone anymore after movies like Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.So far it looks great and at the very least it’ll be a fun one in the theater…but really do we need more fictionalized versions of Lincoln the liberator? Not really but I’ll for two hours pretend this guy wasn’t a total A-hole…..
