Universal Dork


A Nightmare on Jean Claude Van Damme’s Street?! You Bet!! by petersaturday

This is pretty ridiculously awesome-Van Damme vs. Freddy Krueger?! Yep! In all of it’s cheezy fan made glory!



Lets Give M. Night Shyamalan One More Chance?!! by petersaturday

Well, well, well, it seems that M. Night Shyamalan has just dropped his trailer for his latest flick ‘The Visit’ and I’ve just got to say I really think he’s going to hit a home run this time! Ok so Night has struck out a LOT over the years as it seems each movie he directs gets progressively worse. But deep down in his heart I think he’s got a couple winners left to offer now that he’s kinda hit rock bottom. His problems often times are his “lessons” which he tries to teach within every movie. They come off a little too hokey most times, a little too feel good family friendly and at times a bit preachy. But many times his movies are pretty damn cool up until the final five to ten minutes.

The Visit was originally titled “Sundowning” a much better name as far as I am concerned, but perhaps he wanted to avoid giving away too much plot with the term. By the way Sundowning is a psychological phenomenon associated with increased confusion and restlessness in patients with some form of dementia. Most commonly associated with Alzheimer’s disease. For patients with sundowning syndrome, a multitude of behavioral problems begin to occur in the evening or while the sun is setting.

With The Visit it looks like Night is going for a much more straight up horror vibe something I’ve always wished for him to try. Let’s face it the guy knows how to create some truly nerve bending moments, straight up chills and a ton of atmosphere to tingle the senses. He’s done some real shit though too like The Happening, The Last Airbender and After Earth (I honestly liked all of his other movies-yes even Lady In the Water!). But “The Visit” I think just might catch people off guard as the first trailer looks exactly like what I’ve been hoping for him to try, a straight up horror romp. Let’s hope he doesn’t try and teach us some worldly lesson by the end. I’m also always down for a “twist” that’ll blow my mind, but these days getting a twist by and audience or a noisy internet is pretty much impossible.

Well now that was jumping the gun a bit huh?

So if you can find it in your jaded hearts to give Night one last chance I think we might all be surprised. I mean this one is truly his low budget independent micro film. Sometimes these overblown directors need to go back to the basics, hint hint Peter Jackson, Sam Raimi? Check out this trailer I think The Visit is going to be his comeback!  



Hooray for Some New “Giant Mutated Animals Attacking” Movies! by petersaturday

Hey here are two cool upcoming horror flicks that look like great throwbacks to a genre that was quite popular in the vintage horror scene of yesteryear! These days we just don’t seem to get enough giant mutated animal horror movies dammit-but that’s clearly about to change with these two creature features!

First we have “Unnatural” which is a giant mutant polar bear movie. This one brings to mind one of my favorite monster movies Prophecy from 1979! Check this one out because it looks like a winner to me!

Next up we’ve got a cool ass “giant wasp” horror comedy called “Stung” on it’s way soon! This movie is boasting a ton of cool old school animatronic effects as well as some pretty sharp looking CG to bring these deadly insects to life. It also stars good ol’ trusty Lance Henriksen if that means anything at all to you anymore. This one looks like it’s going to be ton of fun! Watch for this one in August 2015.

great movie poster too!

oh yeah and here’s a pic of the mutant bear from Prophecy from 1979-now go watch it!!



Russell Brand to Play “Jesus” on The Walking Dead?! by petersaturday

Ok, so that’s not true in the least! Russell brand is NOT up for the role of the Walking Dead character (not that I know of at least) but the more and more I see Jesus in The Walking Dead comic books the more and more I think that artist Charlie Adlard is basing his likeness off Mr. Brand! Could Mr. Adlard be a Trewser?!                                 

Zombies beware! True News! Subscribe here!

 So hey who knows maybe I’ll start some buzz here to get the comedian the role? Not to say he’s looking to be on the show, but I’m a big fan of Brand these days and his “Trews” alternative media news program. If you haven’t already checked it out it’s pretty hilarious and he’s totally dead on with things in the political spectrum of the world.

As far as if he appears in the tv show and who will play the gay badass in the television series remains a mystery but I am going to call it here-let’s get Russell Brand to play Jesus I mean he already looks the part and I’m quite sure he’d be a welcome addition to the show!! Let’s make it happen! Can’t you see the resemblance?

Here’s Brand…he wouldn’t even need to change his appearance one iota!

And finally some Trews!!



Get in Shape with Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout!! by petersaturday

This was news to me a few days ago, I had no idea that “Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout” even existed! But back in 1990 the legendary scream queen best known for her appearance in Return of The Living Dead (among many others) actually put out the first horror workout video ever! Here you can see her getting the out of shape undead into some serious workouts and sweating their rotting asses off!

Expect of course that you’re going to see Linnea naked in this workout video, as that seemed to be in part what she was most famous for in the 1980’s, in fact the video starts out like a scene from “Creepozoids” with her showing off her bod in the shower. This one also gives you a full on history of the scream queen too before the creep-tastic working out happens! It also begins with a “serious” warning for those ready to give up their “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” vhs up for a moment it reads as follows:

WARNING : The activities depicted in this video are strenuous and highly physical in nature. They should not be attempted without first consulting your doctor. Since they can also become violent, you might also seek advice from a psychiatrist, clergyman, or criminal attorney. In any case, we accept no responsibility for any harm you do to yourself or to others after viewing this tape. Whatever happens, IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!

So if you’re tired of the same old workout I recommend hunting this one down on vhs or maybe on dvd as I believe it was released back in 2013 but maybe out of print again. Either way this one is most definitely not your average workout ! You can see most of this one right on Youtube!



Walking Dead #139 Review! by petersaturday

I know I’ve talked some shit here in the past about how The Walking Dead comic book had become a bit boring and that the whole dang thing has become a bit of a stale read. But now I’m starting to actually kind of dig the current direction of the book slowly but surely. We’re at a point now where things are beginning to become interesting again….I hope. In the previous issue, we had Carl losing his virginity to a weird girl who’s part of the clan who wears zombie skin on their bodies to go undetected by the undead. What things are looking like lately is that Carl actually just might be able to carry this book on his own someday replacing Rick. I really am enjoying this version of him filled with a bunch of teen angst and rage.

Issue 139 also shows the return of Michonne finally, and we learn what she’s been up to all this time and much more. We see the return of Ezekiel and see Rick’s crew venture to the coast where as you can see on the cover,   people are indeed out venturing on boats. We also get an emotional long overdue conversation between Rick and Michonne and most interesting we see Carl’s raging hormones/teenage emotions brewing some serious trouble for everyone, whether they like it or not.

I’ve been with this book from issue #1 and it’s been quite a wild ride, some of it I have loved and some of it hasn’t been too inspiring. I see a light at the end of this tunnel and for the first time in a while I can say I’m looking forward to the next issue. Let’s hope things get totally out of hand here and Kirkman moves the book into some new directions, my fingers are crossed…don’t blow it Kirkman! 



VHS Verdict: Let the Highway to Hell Take You Back to the 90’s! by petersaturday

 

I recently scored this cool flick from 1991 on VHS- “Highway to Hell” is a ton of fun! This is a great, totally forgotten flick with an incredibly ridiculous plot to keep the party going. It stars Chad Lowe, you guessed it Rob Lowe’s lesser known younger brother as the teenage hero who must rescue his girlfriend Kristy “original Buffy the Vampire Slayer” Swanson from an evil demonic cop who kidnaps her. Where does he take her you may ask? The Highway to Hell duh! Check out the movie poster which for some reason Kristy Swanson decided not to be featured on?! 

Chad Lowe quickly manages to get a rad old classic car from a weird ass gas station owner who just happens to know the the story of the creepy cop and the Highway to Hell-how convenient! He sends him off down the mythic highway in a scene which seriously calls to mind Marty Mcfly in the DeLorean in Back to the Future. Soon Lowe is transported to another dimension where he must venture to find his lost lover and encounter some familiar faces from the early 90’s, most notably Ben Stiller as a crazy diner cook and the sexy vixen rocker Lita Ford! Yeeeeah!

This one’s a cooky adventure filled with a ton of lovably stupid characters, cameos and early 90’s fashion. And some of the best damn hand cuffs in the history of all cinema! Add a goofy climax race scene against the demon cop arranged by Beezlebub himself and you’ve got a sure fire hit for lovers of bad cinema. Don’t take this one too seriously but do watch it with a bunch of friends and plenty of booze!

 

 




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