You may remember the post Dorks, and Dating, yes that was from these guys too.

Prevent Shoplifting, (Stick 47 or so record albums down your pants)

That was fun.

I realize that no one is safe from cut backs and the potential of pink slips. But it appears that one select group of individuals has been hit extremely hard…Big Movie Monsters! The reality is simple, these hardworking and dedicated icons of the silver screen are only called upon from time to time and ultimately face type casting after only one appearance. If they want to get out of the jungles, forests, and oceans of the world and make the move to Hollywood life, their limited utility is a standard clause of their contract. So they live simple lives while not working in movies and are probably the most frugal of all Hollywood stars. But when their benefits, savings, living areas (i.e., aviaries, sanctuaries, hives, etc.), and investments were tossed aside and lost in a plummeting market, they were forces to find new lines of employment just to provide some basic necessities.

Sure the strong backs and large footprints that these monsters lends them to heavy labor and construction. But most found this not to be able to support their long term needs and many were let go as they faced allegations of being involved in missing workers reports or often drove out of suburban development areas as those living there felt their lives and their families were at risk. So Mattel, the makers of Hot Wheels stepped up to provide relief to these hard stricken monsters.

Over the years, Hot Wheels has always challenged children to sling their favorite die cast eye gouging car through loops, ramps, and hoops or fury. Over time, a successful model to up the ante for these daredevils was to present big arse monsters that threaten the cars and they come spiraling through bends and tracks. Testing the resolve, timing, and skill of the car launchers to evade these creatures and reach the end of the course. So to continue to build on this, Mattel has hired many of the Big Movie Monsters to be commercial icons and models for their toy lines. The monsters not only get paid up front for their work, but receive royalties for the commercial and ads that are released for each toy. Also, when a parent makes the wise decision to purchase a Hot Wheels track featuring one of these humunga-dunga beasts, a couple dollars go to a relief fund for long term Big Movie Monster support.

Here are a couple of then an nows of this crisis now in hopeful resolution:

The T-Rex from the Jurassic Park series waits in a snowy line for his benefits:

Now T-Rex stomps out cities and lives through his plastic likeness…attaching Hot Wheels cars with joy.

The Croc from Lake Placid, Rogue, to name a few…was living in the sewers of NYC living off of rats and standing in long lines hoping to find employment. In an interview…he felt that it was ironic that he was reduced to live exactly as one of his earlier movie appearances depicted him.

The Croc has been integrated successfully into the Mattel legacy toy line and is receiving continued relief in hopes that the movie work some day turns around.

The once indisputable teeth of the ocean was reduced to wither and dry up with land lovers as he looks for a steady job. Of all monsters…Jaws has seen the most work in his various film rolls from the original Jaws, and Deep Blue Sea; to the continued Syfy film series on shark attacks and dismembered naked ladies.

Now the teeth of the race track, Jaws is an icon for his bite on the passing ill fated racers!

Probably one of the hardest hit is the Cobra…from King Cobra and Komodo vs. Cobra.

But now with the help of Mattel and Hot Wheels, King Cobra is slithering his way to a venomous strike on the high speed horse powered youths of the world.

Of recent success, the T-Rex Skeleton from Night at the Museum and its sequel Battle for the Smithsonian, was bitten by some unfair restrictions of his contract as not really being a living monster and therefore unable to hold many of the rights in the actors guild. Forced to find other sources of revenue, he awaits another sequel in the museum series and the potential of many more direct to DVDs I’m sure.

Now sustaining himself on the royalties and work with Hot Wheels, T-Rex skeleton is facing the facts of his skeletal restrictions, but still staying busy and making a couple bucks on the side until Hollywood comes a knocking once again.

You may ask yourself, this unemployment for type cast stars cannot be limited to the Big Movie Monsters…and you are right. Several other icons are faced with the same issues. Here is an example of Skeletor, lost after the He-Man franchise has been played with for years. Only hoping that a new film will at some point be in the works.

Apparently, Hot Wheels and Mattel are piloting a program to look at others that might be affected by this unemployment. In Skeletor’s case, perhaps he can regain the throne in Snake Mountain, but for now, settle with a Hot Wheels track set that pays homage to him…and the bills.

Please support Hot Wheels in the global effort to raise donations and awareness to the strife facing out Big Movie Monsters!

And now…Enjoy!

So this first one I frequent during the early hours while doing my workouts and watching the Cartoon Network. This Gushers fruit snacks commercial is not as much creepy as it is icky. The gushing juices are just so think and voluminous…and when they begin to mix all of the primary colors…you get by far the ickiest color, brown, especially when a thick spraying liquid. There is just too much gushing in this commercial.

Not to mention, the fruit by the foot “hand” at the end…creepy…

One thing I have always found to be creepy is exaggerated heads and body parts that are made out of glossy plastic. There is something “blow-up doll” about these features that just makes me cringe. I believe one of the abusers of this great physical effect are the Capri Sun Disrespectoid commercials. Again, these are on Cartoon Network like every 15 minutes. The first is way too large of bobble headed kid…creep.

The second is one endearingly called Boing Boing Betty…creep!

That kid is having way too much fun riding that creep of a statue boingy girl thing…ick…

Along the same lines, and the clear dominator of the plastic head creepiness…oh yeah, you guessed it…the King from the BK commercials. Creep…Class A, number 1, the head cheese…CREEP!

My god, that commercial is disturbing. If I woke to that fuck in my bed…there would be broken plastic head all over my sheets and me crying in the corner…

Yeah, if this plastic douche pulled this on me in the middle of the night…death to creep!

Try that air horn on me you polymer headed monster…

So despite my hours of lost sleep over these creepy commercials, if you have some favs…make sure to recommend…I love creeps.